Parallax
by C7sus4
Summary: For Paul, it was just another average morning. That is, until his best friend showed up uninvited, revealed himself to be a psychic cat from another world, and whisked him away to a place that he had previously only known in fiction. Now stuck in a world that's very different from how it appears in the games, how will he cope? M for language.
1. Chapter 1

One thing that has become abundantly clear throughout the history of the world is that there is never a shortage of madmen willing to spread word of their delusions to the masses. The only thing that has changed in modern times is the ability for these madmen to spread their delusions more easily through judicious use of a computer, something that isn't helped by hipsters leaving their terrible, overpriced consumer electronics at equally as popular and equally as terrible coffee shops. One such man is Sir Reginald Dovington the Fifteenth of Arizona, a man who, among other things, picked a new name for himself out of a hat after being disowned by his mother for telling the other people at the asylum about her recipe for shrimp steakums, something which was entirely deserved given that his mother was the only person who could make shrimp steakums with using steak or shrimp and that the recipe was supposed to remain only in the family.

Sir Reginald Dovington the Fifteenth's achievements are many, but his crowning achievement is no doubt his theory pertaining to the existence of a parallel universe containing creatures known as Pokémon, a theory he developed after discovering that the computer he has stolen from the local coffee shop had a shortcut to an emulator on the main page, just beneath a file that was titled, "Definitely Not Tranny Porn Involving Cheese Graters, Do Not Open Under Any Circumstances". That file, of course, actually contained tranny porn involving windshield wipers and dog food, but Reginald wouldn't know that, since he obeyed the rules people told him, with the obvious exceptions of the ones regarding not telling his mother's recipes to strangers or not stealing things.

Reginald would eventually publish his theory on an internet blogging site populated by half social justice whiners who didn't actually care about social justice, half teenage girls, and all terrible people, where it would eventually be picked up by a group of trolls and spread among them for laughs. The theory was short enough to be condensed into a single screencap. Here is the theory in its entirety: "I, Reginald Dovington the Fifteenth, being of sound body and mind, do hereby declare that our universe exists in tandem with another universe which is almost exactly like ours, but also populated by Pokémon". Reginald, after publishing his theory, would go on to be struck and killed by a passing ambulance while chasing after what he believed was a hundred dollar bill but what was actually just a piece of green paper floating in the breeze in the middle of the street. His genius would go on to be quickly forgotten even by the group of trolls that had so readily embraced his theory, and eventually the memory of Sir Reginald Dovington the Fifteenth would fade from the minds of everyone.

Nobody would ever learn just how right Reginald actually was.

* * *

Far on the opposite side of the country, there existed a small town in Virginia called Fredericksburg. With a population of about twenty nine thousand people, Fredericksburg was renowned as a very historical town, being known for the First and Second Battles of Fredericksburg in the American Civil War and for having ties to George Washington and his family. More importantly, a man named Paul Stanton resided there, in a small house in the suburbs. Paul had lived there for a little over five years, and it served the purpose of keeping him close to his job at the local courthouse as a stenographer. Or, rather, it _had_ served that purpose, seeing as how he had been fired for undisclosed reasons the previous week. Now, he was considering moving elsewhere, probably somewhere more spacious and with fewer roaches that didn't hiss as loudly when he turned the kitchen lights on.

As for Paul himself, he was twenty eight years old, about six feet tall, with short red hair, and a stoic disposition. The stoicism was something new, as he had been very outgoing and exciting the previous week. It also probably had to do with the fact that he was sleeping, and thus couldn't display those attributes he was known for in a suitable manner.

Paul Stanton had never been much of heavy sleeper, thus it annoyed him greatly when his phone rang and woke him up at just past six in the morning.

"Hello?" he said groggily, as he tried not to betray his internal desire to light the person at the other end of the line on fire with his mind.

"Hey man, it's Greg. I hate to call you at such an ungodly hour, but I'm just outside your house and it's very important that you let me in."

"What the fuck are you doing outside my house at six in the morning?" Paul asked.

"Just let me in, okay? It's important," said the person at the other end of the line before hanging up.

"Fuckin' Greg," Paul mumbled before climbing out of bed and pulling on whatever clothes he could find lying around. The end result was that he was dressed in a long sleeved green shirt with the logo of a prominent beer company on it, jeans, and socks with holes in them. Still half asleep, he made his way to the front of the house and opened the door. He was greeted by his longtime friend, Greg Davinport. Greg was a few inches shorter than Paul, with jet black hair and piercing green eyes. Greg was a man who was never comfortable sitting still for any amount of time longer than half a minute, which was part of the reason why Paul was only a little surprised that he was at his house so early.

"Great. You keep the vodka and orange juice in the fridge, right?" his friend asked, as he pushed his way inside.

"Vodka and orange juice?" Paul asked, shocked. "Dude, I don't know if you've checked a clock recently, but it is six in the morning."

"Perfect time for orange juice then, isn't it?" Greg said as he began digging around in Paul's fridge. "Aha! And it's the good stuff, too! No pulp or any of that bullshit," he remarked as he pulled both items out of the fridge and placed them on the table.

"We're not making cocktails this early in the morning. Especially not after last night," Paul said.

"Oh, come on, it'll be fun!" Greg said, as he placed two glasses on the table.

"Dude, no."

"C'mon, don't be such a fucking puss."

"Peer pressure never works on me. You of all people should know that."

"Alright, I'll just have to try something else then," Greg said as he started pouring alcohol and orange juice into one of the glasses. "Okay, I've got it. Paul, buddy, how did you feel when that girl dumped you a month ago?"

"You mean the girl I proposed to?"

"Yeah, her."

"I felt like fucking dog shit."

"Good. Hold on to that feeling for me, would you? Now, how did you feel when you got fired from your comfy, adequately paying job for no reason a week ago?"

"Not nearly as bad, but still shitty. Where are you going with this?"

"You'll see. Now, tell me how you felt when your dad, who you loved very much, passed away last year, right after your mom died in that car crash."

Paul paused for a moment as he felt the sorrow overtake him again. He let out a big sigh before speaking again.

"Fuck the orange juice, give me that bottle of vodka," he said. His friend complied with his request and watched as Paul raised the bottle to his lips and took several deep sips before putting it back down.

"How do you feel now?" Greg asked.

"Like I could be the highlight of a therapist's career if I were to start seeing one at this moment," Paul said.

"Sorry buddy, but I had to get you to drink at least some alcohol."

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn't believe me otherwise. Also because teleportation does funny things to your insides and alcohol helps kill the feeling a little bit, but we'll get to that part later, I suppose. First, a question. You ready?"

"Sure, go ahead," Paul said.

"Okay. Remember when you told me three years ago that you still enjoy Pokémon?"

"God dammit, I thought you said you weren't gonna bring that back up!" Paul said.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down, alright? I'm not passing judgement or anything. Now's not the time for that. What if I told you that I'm in the same boat?"

"Is that why you called me at six in the morning and decided to come over and make cocktails?"

"Just hear me out. What if I told you that I also enjoy Pokémon, but because I have experience with them?"

"Well, yeah, if you play the games-"

"Outside of the games, I mean."

"The anime? TCG? Children's books?"

"No, like they're real, and I have experience working with them. Namely because I am one."

Paul let out a sigh. "Dude, I would appreciate it if you didn't try this shit on me in the early morning, you know?"

"I'm not kidding," Greg said.

"Then prove it."

"Alright, I will. You might want to shield your eyes."

"What for?"

Immediately after finishing his question, Paul wished he had shut his mouth and heeded his friend's advice, as a bright light began to emanate from the spot Greg was sitting in. Paul was forced to look away in order to keep from being temporarily blinded. When he turned back, his friend was no longer there. Instead, in his place, was a floating purple cat.

"Do you believe me now?" it asked, in Greg's voice.

Paul said nothing. For a few seconds he just stared at the creature, but once he was convinced that what he was seeing was real, he stopped staring and instead reached for the vodka once again. He took a few more deep gulps before setting it down and turning back to the cat.

"I'm sure you have several questions," he said.

"Yeah, like what the fuck?" Paul said. "Are you a fucking Mew?"

"Yes."

"Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on? Why are you a Mew?"

"Because I was born this way? Because my mother loved my father very much and the two of them decided to do the horizontal boogie and created me? Because out of all the sperm, I was the fastest? How do you expect me to answer that question, buddy?"

"Just why are you here?"

"Because you let me in."

"No, I mean why are you here, on Earth, instead of wherever it is you're from?"

Greg took a deep breath before letting it out in the form of a heavy sigh. "It's a very long story. The summary goes something like this: I dislike politics with a great intensity and the others wouldn't stop bugging me, so I decided to teleport somewhere with a little less noise and ended up here. Nice place, I must say. Very similar to where I'm from, but with fewer Pokémon and more warfare."

"And why are you here, at my dinner table making cocktails at six in the morning?"

"Another story. No shorter than the last, I'm afraid. Alright, here's the deal. Remember last night?"

"Unfortunately. We got completely smashed at that bar. I passed out around eleven at night."

"Correct. And then the bartender decided to be a bro and drove us both home. When I got home, I needed to do something fun. So I teleported into the CIA headquarters and then back home. That was a bad move, because now they're looking for me so they can ask me just how the fuck I learned how to teleport and will most likely dissect me or some shit, and I would rather avoid that."

"That still doesn't answer my question," Paul said.

"No, it doesn't. Not yet, anyway. So the CIA knows who I am and they probably have a nice big file on me, just as they do with every American, so they've probably ascertained not only my identity but the identity of all my friends as well, including you, my best friend, and they're probably on their way over here to point an MP5 in your face and arrest you for some trumped-up charge so they have an excuse to interrogate you about my whereabouts. And I don't think you want that to happen, do you?"

"No, I'd really prefer to avoid having a police officer pointing a submachine gun at my head and arresting me."

"Didn't think so. So, here's my offer: I teleport us both back to my home world, where we will live out the rest of our days in relative peace. The alternative, of course, is being sent to prison and most likely raped in the shower."

"I think I'll go with you, if that's okay."

"Brilliant! Hold still while I teleport us."

"Wait, we're going now?"

"Uh, yeah? Did you miss the part where I said the police are coming here? They could be here any minute, and I'd rather not get caught with my dick in my hands. Figuratively speaking, of course."

"Alright, fine, take me the hell out of this fucking place," Paul said.

"Alright, buddy," Greg said. "Do me a solid and try not to throw up too much, will you?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Just hold on."

"To what?"

"Here we go!" Greg shouted.

Before Paul had a chance to vocalize any more of his many concerns, his vision started to fade out until all he could see was white. He felt like he was spinning around in place, and his stomach felt as if it was doing a dance routing. Just as he felt he was about to throw up half a bottle of vodka, the sensations stopped and color returned to his vision. He felt grass beneath his feet, as opposed to the tile floors of his house.

"Welcome to Hoenn," his friend said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must be going."

"Hold up, motherfucker!" Paul said. "You don't get to teleport me to some random spot in Hoenn and then leave me with nothing, the fuck's wrong with you? I don't know where the fuck any cities are or anything."

"Hmm. Yes, I suppose you're right. Wait here for a moment," Greg said, before teleporting away.

"God dammit," Paul said.

Before he got a chance to utter any more swears, his friend teleported back with a bag in his arms.

"Here," Greg said, as he tossed it to his friend.

"What's this?" Paul asked as he caught the bag.

Greg shrugged. "Dunno. Some loser's bag I stole. It's got some good stuff in there."

"I can't keep some kid's bag!" Paul said.

"Relax, okay? Like I said, the guy's a fucking loser. He wouldn't be getting much mileage out of it, anyway. It'll be far more useful to you than him, believe me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I reall need to-"

"Wait!"

Greg let out a short groan. "Look, dude, I like you and all, but you're really-"

"Where am I supposed to go, exactly? And, for that matter, how am I supposed to protect myself from wild Pokémon?"

Greg paused. "Oh," he said after a moment. "Yes, I suppose that would be a good thing to know, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, it would. So could you tell me something useful?"

"Yes, of course. Right now you're on Route 120. Fortree City is to the west, but if you keep following this route you'll eventually hit Lillycove City. I'll meet up with you at Lilycove, and then we can work something out."

"And the protection thing?"

"I was getting to that. Open that bag I gave you, I'm sure there's something useful in there."

Paul did as he was told and searched around, eventually pulling out a Poké Ball.

"It's an empty one. Now watch that grass over there, and be ready."

"Ready for what?" Paul asked. He had barely finished his sentence before his friend fired a bright blue beam out of his mouth and into the tall grass.

"Now, throw that Poké Ball," Greg said.

Paul nodded, then threw the Ball into the grass. He heard it open and hit the ground, then heard the three beeps signaling that it had caught something. Before he could run into the tall grass to retrieve it, Greg levitated it out and into his hands for him.

"There you go. I read its mind, so in case you were wondering, it's a girl, her name is Sako, and you really do need to take her to a Pokémon Center before heading out anywhere. Now, really, I must be going."

"I'll see you again, right?" Paul asked.

"Of course. Although it will most likely be in my human form, as this one attracts a lot of attention. See you around, buddy."

"Yeah, see you."

Paul watched as his friend teleported away, then looked down at the Poké Ball in his hand.

"Might as well see what you are," he said. He pressed the button on the front of the Ball and recoiled in shock as a bright red light shot out from it. The light took the form of a quadruped before a Pokémon materialized in its place.

"Sol," she said.

"An Absol," Paul said. "Not sure what Greg's trying to tell me about this whole excursion. Also, Jesus Christ, I have a fucking Absol!"

"Ab?" she asked.

"Yes, that's you. At least, I suppose that's what you were asking, since I can't understand you. Can you understand me?"

The Absol nodded yes.

"Okay, so that's one less thing to worry about. Your name's Sako, right?"

Another nod.

"Alright. Nice to meet you, Sako, my name's Paul. Feel free to call me whatever, since I can't understand you anyway. If you want to call me a motherfucker in whatever language it is you speak, then fine, whatever it takes for us to get along, since it seems like we're stuck together from now on. Are you hurt?"

"Sol," she said as she took a few limping steps forward.

"God dammit, Greg," Paul mumbled. "Alright, we'll get you to a Pokémon Center before we head out to… uh… wherever it is we're going. I'm still not entirely sure about that part, but I suppose we can figure things out as we go along. Not like I have anything better to do. So, I'll just return you to the Ball, and-"  
"Absol!" she said, shaking her head furiously.

"Okay, maybe I won't return you to the Ball. But then how do you expect me to get you to a Pokémon Center when you can't even walk?"

* * *

In terms of the other cities in Hoenn, Fortree City is unique in that it poses the absolute biggest fire risk out of all of them, because with the exception of a few buildings, everything is made out of wood. The city was commissioned by a man named Warren Stevenson back in the 1600s to serve as a base camp for explorers who wanted to travel deeper into the forest. Why anyone would want to do that remains a mystery that historians continue to search for an answer to. The citizens of the city would eventually wonder the same thing, as the lack of explorers convinced the mayor to convert it into a logging town back in the early twentieth century. This proved to be a wise choice for about seventy years, as a combination of a lack of interest in logging and financial mismanagement resulted in the town as a whole being forced to declare bankruptcy. The then-mayor would go on to be the first recorded person in over forty years to actually head into the forest, carrying only a combination of rudimentary outdoor gear and the best rifle he could find for supplies. Legends say that his cries of anguish as he was eventually forced to eat the paper money he brought with him can still be heard on nights when the moon is full.

While Fortree City is no stranger to odd happenings, it currently ranks only in the middle of the scale of odd things in Hoenn, a scale created by a Doctor Michael A. Murkell on a dare from his best friend as to whether or not he could create the most unscientific yet still somewhat believable list of things, ever.

"The things I do for friendship," Paul said, as he approached the outskirts of Fortree City. A few people passing by gave him strange looks before continuing on in the other direction slightly faster than they had been going before they noticed him. Paul blamed the fact that he was currently carrying a hundred pounds of Absol in his arms, bridal style.

"Alright, that's enough of this," he said, as he dropped down to one knee and let Sako hop out of his arms. She gave him a questioning look, as if demanding to know why he had stopped carrying her. "Don't look at me like that," he said. "You should be happy my fucking back didn't give out earlier. I'm not doing that again, okay? You can walk."

She glared at him for a bit before taking a few tentative steps forward. Her limp was gone, though it was clear that she was still in a lot of pain. Sako grit her teeth and looked back at Paul, then gave him a nod.

"Alright, let's go," he said.

The two of them continued on through the city, searching for a Pokémon Center the entire time. Paul took the time to compare the city to what he remembered from the game, though he wasn't surprised to see that it was a lot different from what he had expected. The city was a lot bigger and a lot more crowded, with additional paths cut through the trees to compensate for the greater number of trainers and Pokémon passing through. The tree houses remained a big feature, though they were also a lot bigger than they were in the games, no doubt to compensate for the fact that people actually had to live in them.

Paul was so caught up in staring at the various sights that he didn't notice the other trainer approaching until it was too late. The two of them collided painfully, and they both fell to the ground.

"Ow! What's your problem, buddy?" the trainer said, as she dusted herself off. She reached for her blue hat, which had fallen off in the collision, and placed it back on her head, where it rested atop her long, blonde hair. The hat was a few shades lighter than her jeans, which were colored a dark blue. She adjusted her black jacket, which was a few sizes too big and had fallen off one of her shoulders in the mayhem, revealing a white tee shirt. She glared at Paul with bright blue eyes, as if staring at him with a great intensity would set him on fire, something she no doubt wanted at the moment.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," Paul said, as he picked himself up off the ground.

"Well, that much is clear."

"Hey, you could have avoided me too, you know. You're just as much at fault as I am."

She scoffed. "Whatever. I'll have you know that I was in the middle of something very important."

"Which was?"

"Admiring my gym badges."

"Yeah, real important," Paul said.

"You trying to start something, bub? 'Cuz it's been at least an hour since I last had a battle, and I could go for one."

"My Absol is currently about to pass out, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your offer. Actually, no I'm not because I'd rather not get into a fight at the moment."

"What, am I not good enough for you? You think you'd beat me?"

"You're crazy. I'm just going to-"

"Oh, no you don't!" she said, as she reached for a Poké Ball on her belt. "Get out here, Vibrava! Let's teach this guy a lesson!"

The Poké Ball opened, and a Vibrava materialized on the ground. It immediately started to hover above the ground, waiting for an order. The people that were passing by stopped to watch what they believed would be a battle.

"Yeah, no, we're not doing this. Come on, Sako, let's go find a Pokémon Center," Paul said. The two of them stepped away from the female trainer and her Pokémon and continued on her way.

"Where are you going?" she asked, annoyed.

"I told you, my Absol needs a Pokémon Center, and I don't want to battle. Besides, don't you need some kind of license, or something?"

"You don't have a trainer's license?" she asked, disbelief clear in her voice.

Paul shook his head.

"You're kidding, right? Are you some kind of loser or something? How do you not have a trainer's license?"

"Look, I'm new around here, okay? Actually, why the fuck am I trying to justify myself to you, of all people? I'm leaving now, see you again never," Paul said.

"Wait!" she said. "I'm not gonna let you just walk away. Tell me your name."

"What?"

"Your name. Mine's Amanda, Amanda Collins."  
"Paul Stanton, if you must know."

"Paul," she said. "Plain name. But I won't forget it. We'll meet each other again, and when we do, we'll battle."

"Whatever you say, crazy lady," Paul said.

Amanda recalled her Vibrava, then continued on her way. The audience voiced their displeasure at the lack of a battle by collectively booing. She gave them all the finger as she headed towards the outskirts of the city.

"Barely twenty minutes in this fucking place and shit's already getting weird," Paul said, as he pushed his way through the small crowd.

"Absol?" Sako asked.

"It's a long story," Paul said. "Let's just find the Pokémon Center, alright?"

The pair continued their search for a few more minutes before eventually stumbling across building. It was much bigger than Paul thought it would be, resembling a small doctor's office with multiple floors. It was also much more crowded than he thought, with a line stretching out into the pathway.

"Well, shit," he said before turning to his companion. "Any ideas?" he asked.

She thought for a bit before nodding. Before Paul had a chance to ask what her plan was, she dug one of her claws into her shoulder, then dragged it downwards, creating a deep cut. Blood poured from the injury onto the ground.

"Okay, I guess that'll work, but you and me need to have a talk once this is over," Paul said, as he picked her up for the second time. "Out of the way! My Absol needs emergency care!" he called as he pushed his way through the crowd. Several people gave him strange looks, but recoiled in horror after seeing Sako and moved out of the way to let him pass.

When he finally reached the front of the line, the nurse took one look at Sako before letting out a heavy sigh.

"The shit I put up with…" she murmured. "Alright, give her here and I'll get her fixed up."

Paul placed Sako on the counter and watched as the nurse motioned for a Chansey to come over. The Pokémon did as it was asked and came to her side. Upon seeing the injured Absol, the Chansey picked her up and placed her on a table that was attached to something that resembled a large MRI machine. The nurse hit a button and the machine started up, emitting a bright light as it scanned Sako.

"Give it a moment," the nurse said.

Paul watched as Sako's injury seemed to disappear almost instantaneously. Just as soon as it had started, the machine stopped. Sako jumped off the table, then back onto the counter, and finally onto the floor at Paul's feet.

"You're done. Next!" the nurse called.

"Er, thanks," Paul said. "I don't owe you anything, right?"

"You're kidding, right? Get the hell out of here, you're holding up the line!" she said.

"Okay then. Let's go, Sako," Paul said. "Actually, wait a minute, I have one more question. Where can I get a trainer's license around here."

"Are you serious right now? Go to the PC, select that you need a license, and then get your ass out of the goddamn Pokémon Center!"

"Thank you," Paul said. He looked around until he located a PC, then approached it. There wasn't anyone currently using it, so it made things much easier.

Paul pressed the button labeled 'Power' and watched as the PC came to life. Within moments it was online and showing him a menu. There were several options to send Pokémon through the PC and store them somewhere, just like in the games, but unlike in the games there was also an option to create a trainer's license and even an option for banking. Paul pressed the button that would lead him to a license and was greeted with a prompt to enter his first and last name, as well as his date of birth. He entered in the requested information and pressed enter, then waited. The machine seemed to switch itself off after a few seconds, which made Paul curious. He was about to lean in to inspect it, but stopped when the machine turned back on. This time, the screen was displaying a video of him. Before he had a chance to do anything, the PC gave off a bright flash, and after a few more seconds, a slot in the bottom opened and a card fell out. Paul picked it up and saw that it was his trainer's license.

The license, in addition to displaying things such as his name and date of birth, also showed images of the region's gym leaders and what appeared to be the owner's bank account balance. Paul saw that his balance was three thousand of something, which seemed like a lot to him but probably wasn't that much, at least compared to an American dollar. Regardless, he was just happy to have something in his account, although where it came from was anyone's guess. He decided to chalk it up to the government giving each trainer a stipend when they first started out, to ensure that nobody starved to death, which made more sense to him than the banks spontaneously deciding to give out free money. Either way, it didn't make much difference to him, as he now had his trainer's license and was ready to move on.

The two of them left the Pokémon Center, taking care to avoid the large line of trainers and Pokémon, lest they run into someone else and inadvertently create another Amanda situation. Once they were a few dozen feet away, Paul stopped.

"Okay, about that thing you did earlier," Paul said, "don't do that shit again, alright? I don't want you hurting yourself like that anymore. That shit's not cool."

"Sol!" Sako said angrily.

"I can't understand you, but I'll assume you don't agree because it worked. You have a point, but still, I'm not okay with you hurting yourself. Don't do that shit, it makes me nervous."

"Ab," she said.

"Okay. Now, before we continue on, I guess I should check out this bag," Paul said, as he took the backpack off his shoulder and opened it up. There wasn't much inside, just some items that Paul was able to recognize as Potions and some pieces of paper. Curious, he took one out and examined it, only to realize that it was actually money. He made a quick note to learn the exchange rates as soon as he could, then put it back in the bag. The only other thing in the bag was something that looked like a GameBoy SP. Once again struck by curiosity, Paul picked it up. It took him a moment, but he eventually recognized it as a PokéNav. He opened it and was struck by how simple it appeared to be. The screen showed a menu with several different tabs, including a list of contacts and a map. The bottom part had a directional pad and a call button, as well as a disconnect button. It appeared to turn on and off automatically depending on whether it was being opened or closed. He decided to mess around with it later and continue on at the moment.

"Sol," Sako said, impatient.

"Alright, fine, we can get going," Paul said as he zipped up the bag and slung it back over his shoulder. "Try not to get hurt too bad, will you? I'd prefer to not have to book it back to the Pokémon Center."  
She glared at him, unamused.

"It was a joke. You can make 'em too, it's just that I won't understand them. There wouldn't happen to be some kind of translating tool that would let us communicate, would there? Because this whole one-sided conversation thing is getting old fast, I feel like a lonely old man talking to himself because all his friends died."

"Absol," she said.

"Can't understand you, sorry. Let's just get the hell out of here and go to Lilycove, alright? I want to see Greg and ask him what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing around here."

And with that, the duo set off towards Lilycove City.

* * *

Far away, back in a place called Oldale Town, a young boy woke up in a back alley.

"Oh, my aching head…" he muttered. "What happened? How did I get here?"

He checked himself over for any other injuries and discovered a note taped to his back in the process. He pulled it off, then looked it over. The letter read:

"I took your stuff and gave it to someone who had a much better chance of making it big than you did. I'd apologize for it, but you probably weren't going to make it past the first gym anyway, since your first Pokémon is a Zigzagoon. Also the net worth of all the objects taken was only like seventy dollars, which is fucking nothing to anyone. Maybe you should try getting a job and being a productive member of society instead of chasing foolish dreams. Love, Mew."

The boy paused for a moment and let the note's words sink in. When he spoke again, his voice was full of as much rage as his pre-pubescent vocal chords and nasally voice would allow.

"Not again!" he cried out in frustration.


	2. Chapter 2

Route 120 is renowned throughout the Hoenn region as being one of the more difficult routes to travel through due to constant rainfall, to the point where it's known more by its many nicknames than its official Pokémon League designation. These nicknames include, but are not limited to, 'Kyogre's Vacation Spot', 'Bane of Fire Types', 'Destroyer of Dreams', 'Two-Way Trip to the Doctor's Office', and 'That Fucking Route That Ended My Fucking Journey Goddammit I Just Fucking Beat Winona Too Jesus Christ'. There is a method to getting through the route with minimal pain, though it involves leaving within a certain timeframe so as to avoid catching the worst of the rain, something that even veteran trainers have difficulty with. Despite all of this, some people who feel that life isn't hard enough have managed to live rather comfortably alongside the edges of the route, usually by growing their own food. These people are referred to as 'absolute madmen' by the citizens of Fortree City, who can't imagine living somewhere that isn't a hollowed-out plant.

Within just a few minutes of leaving Fortree City it had started to rain, leaving the terrain slick with water and mud. It was made even difficult due to the lack of any kind of road, forcing Paul to guess as to where he needed to go.

"Should have played more of gen three while I had the chance, because I can't remember shit other than some Pokémon names," he muttered.

"Sol?" Sako asked as she stepped around a puddle.

"Nothing, nothing," Paul said. "Does it always rain around here?"

Sako nodded her head. Paul sighed.

"Of all the routes to direct me to, Greg sends me through the one where it always rains. Fucking asshole. The least he could have done is steal someone's raincoat in addition to what he gave me."

The duo continued on for a few more minutes, finding nothing aside from a Poké Ball halfway buried in the mud that was empty. Paul wiped the mud off, then put it in his pocket.

"Hey, you!" he heard someone call from the tree line. He looked around and was able to spot a teenaged boy of about sixteen to his right. The boy was wearing jeans and white sneakers that were both riddled with holes and caked with mud, a testament to how much use he had gotten out of them. He also wore a comfy-looking dark blue jacket with the hood over his head.

"Yeah?" Paul asked.

"Stay there!" the boy called back as he started running towards him.

"Something wrong?" Paul asked as the boy approached.

"Hell yes, something wrong! You and I aren't having a battle right now, that's what's wrong!" he said.

"A battle? Oh, no, you've got it all wrong, I'm not a trainer," Paul said.

"Not a trainer? You realize you've got an Absol next to you, right?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"And you've got a trainer's license, right?"

"Yes, but still-"

"Then that would make you a trainer, wouldn't it? So let's battle!"

"What if I refuse?" Paul asked.

"Then I follow you around until you agree!"

"Then you're going to be following me around for a long time."

"You underestimate just how little of a life I have, how little my family worries about me, and how much I want to battle you! Come on man, just one battle, then I'll leave you alone!"

Paul considered it for a moment. The prospect of having this kid leave him alone was certainly an enticing one. But at the same time, he was quite unsure of his ability as a trainer, since he hadn't even known about that Pokémon were real an hour ago. Unable to come up with a decision, he decided to turn to his partner.

"What do you think, Sako? Feel like battling?" he asked.

"Sol!" she said.

"I guess that's a yes," Paul said before turning back to the boy. "Alright, we'll do it."

"Awesome! Usually I have to follow people around for a few hours before they agree to battle me, or they just wait for me to fall asleep and then run away!"

"Can't imagine why," Paul said.

"Neither can I, it's really confusing. I'm Jason, by the way. What's your name?"

"Paul."

"Okay. How many Pokémon you got?"

"Just my Absol."

"Then I'll stick with one to make it fair. Also because I too only have one. Standard League rules apply, so we're battling for money."

"Are there no gambling laws in place or something?"

"Not for battles, no. So, how about we make it a hundred and fifty poké?"

"I don't know how much that is," Paul said.

Jason stared at him for a moment, then broke down laughing. He recovered after a few seconds, but then broke down again. After about ten seconds of straight laughter, he finally stopped and turned back to Paul.

"Ah man, that was a good one. No, but seriously, it's a hundred and fifty poké."

"I'm being serious, I don't know how much that is."

"What, are you stupid or something?" Jason asked.

"I'm kind of new around here."

"Really? Where are you from?"

"Uh…America," Paul said, unable to think of anything else.

"Figures," Jason said. "Guess this means I'll have to teach you about money, then. Alright, so here it is: poké comes in paper and coins. For coins, you have ones, fives, tens, fifties, hundreds, and five hundreds. For paper, you have notes of one thousand, five thousand, and ten thousand."

"What's the exchange rate to an American dollar?" Paul asked.

"A hundred poké to one American dollar. So if you've got three thousand poké, you've got thirty dollars. Make sense?"

"I think I've got it now. Thanks."

"Yeah, whatever, can we battle now?"

"Fine."

"Alright!" Jason said as he pulled a Poké Ball out of his pocket. "Come on out, Avery!" he shouted as he threw the Ball into the air.

The Ball opened, sending a ray of red light in front of Jason. When it disappeared, a Tropius stood in its place.

"Weird name for a Tropius," Paul muttered. Sako leaped in front of him and took a fighting stance in preparation for her battle.

"Ready?" Jason called.

"As I'll ever be," Paul said.

"Okay! Avery, Razor Leaf!"

The Tropius began firing some of the leaves from its back, which flew towards Sako with great force. She managed to avoid almost all of them except for one, which sliced off some fur on her chest.

"Sako, use…uh…fuck, what moves do Absol know?" Paul asked.

"Sol!" she angrily called.

"Keep up with the Razor Leaf, Avery! Don't let them get a move in!"

The Grass type did as he was told and kept pressing his attack. Sako tried dodging, and while she was able to avoid a good portion of the leaves, the few that did connect with her were painful enough to slow her down. When the next wave came, she was unable to avoid it, and took the brunt of it full force.

Paul watched as his partner was bombarded by Razor Leaves and desperately tried to remember a move he could tell her to use, but he was unable to think of anything. Within a few seconds she had collapsed to the ground, where she stayed, unable to rise.

"Is it my turn yet?" Paul asked.

"Well, that was disappointing," Jason said. "How long did you say that you've been a trainer for?" he asked.

"About an hour."

"Normally I'd accuse you of lying, but after that display, I'm inclined to believe you. That was just awful. It was so bad that I don't even want the prize money, it'd be like robbing a toddler of their allowance."

"Gee, thanks a lot for the kind words," Paul said.

"Lighten up, man. Look at it this way: it's not like you can do any worse than you just did right now. It's all uphill from here," Jason said.

"I suppose that's one way of looking at things," Paul said.

"Man, I feel really bad about kicking your ass. Tell you what, my house is nearby, so why don't you join me for lunch?"

"Sure, I don't see why not," Paul said. "The only kind of caloric intake I've had so far was alcohol at about six in the morning, so I am kind of hungry. And I'm sure Sako wants to rest after that."

Jason looked at him confusedly. "You were drinking at six in the morning?"

"It's a long story."

"I guessed that much. Still, I guess it's a free country, so there's not much I can do about it other than sic my Tropius on you or something, which wouldn't be fair given how your Absol is currently barely able to stand. You might want to use a potion on her or something, you know. You've got one, right?"

"Yeah," Paul said as he opened his backpack and started looking for a potion. Finding one, he zipped the backpack back up and put it on again, then approached Sako with the potion in hand. She glared at him angrily, and he knew that he would need to find some way to apologize.

"You know how to use one of those things, right?" Jason asked.

"Not really," Paul said. "A little help would be much appreciated."

Jason chuckled. "You're a real piece of work, you know that? It honestly feels like I'm being trolled right now, but I refuse to believe someone could make it last this long without laughing their ass off, so I guess you're the real deal. Anyway, just point the end of it at your target, pull the trigger, and then toss the bottle once you're done."

"Are there no laws against littering in Hoenn?"

"The bottles are biodegradable so nobody cares."

"Good to know," Paul said as he followed the instructions. A fine spray of liquid medicine shot out of the end of the bottle and covered Sako. Paul watched as some of her wounds began to close up almost instantly. Within a few moments she was on her feet again, though no less angry about the battle.

"I think she's mad at you," Jason said as he watched her take a few steps away from her trainer.

"Yes, I can see that," Paul said. "Sako, I'm sorry, alright? I don't know what I'm doing yet, if you couldn't tell."

"Sol! Ab Absol!" she shouted at him.

"Oh yeah, she's really mad," Jason said.

Paul glared at the teen before looking back at his Pokémon. "Look, I know you're upset, and you have every right to be, but can we do this later? It's pouring rain out right now and we're both getting soaked. Unless you want to catch a cold, I'd suggest we take Jason's offer and head to his house."

She raised an eyebrow, but nodded at him. He turned back to Jason, who was staring at him expectantly.

"How goes the beginning trainer blues?" he asked.

"Let's just go to your house before we all start growing gills," Paul said.

"Sure thing, just follow me, we'll be there in a bit."

* * *

"Mom, I'm home!" Jason called as he opened the front door and walked inside. "And I brought a friend!"

"Oh, that's great, honey!" a woman, presumably Jason's mom, called back.

"Nice place you've got here. Though I question the wisdom of building it in the middle of the forest," Paul said as he followed Jason inside.

"It's not as bad as you'd think. We're close enough to Fortree that we can get everything we need and meet friends easily enough. Kitchen's through here," Jason said as he lowered his hood, exposing his black hair.

The kitchen was very large, most likely to accommodate big Pokémon such as Avery. It was big enough for him to lie down in and still have room for others. At the oven stood a woman dressed in blue long pants and a white shirt who Paul guessed was Jason's mom. She was a few inches shorter than him and she wore her black hair in a bun. She turned towards the doorway when she heard the pair approach.

"Oh, you must be Jason's friend," she said. "I'm Sara, I'm Jason's mom. I'd have you meet his dad, but he's away on a trip right now, so that's not currently possible. Why don't you two have a seat? The chicken will be ready soon."

"Nice to meet you, Sara. I'm Paul," Paul said.

She smiled at him, then turned to Jason. "Jason, why don't you get some Pokémon food for Avery and Paul's Absol?"

"Sure thing," Jason said, opening a cupboard under the sink and pulling out a large bag. Avery perked up at the sight of it, though Sako just looked at it, confused. Jason approached Paul and handed him the bag, then took two gray bowls out from under the sink and placed them on the floor. He then took the bag back, opened it, and started pouring food into them. Avery rushed over and began eating, while Sako did so more tentatively. She smelled the food, then took a small bite. Her expression lightened as she chewed, and soon enough, she was eating at close to the same pace as the Tropius next to her was.

"Why don't you two have a seat while I get the food ready?" Sara asked.

Paul nodded and took a seat at the table, with Jason doing the same on the opposite side. The table was already set, so there wasn't much else the two could do to help.

"So Paul, I take it you had a battle with Jason. How'd it go?" she asked.

"I won," Jason said.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Paul," Sara said.

"What? Mom, you're supposed to be happy for me!" Jason said.

"Jason, dear, we have a guest," she said.

"Damn it," Jason said.

"Language, young man!"

"Sorry."

"I must say, this is a very nice house you have here, ma'am," Paul said. "Though I must ask: how do you live out here with all of this rain?"

"Oh, none of that 'ma'am' stuff with me, dear. Just call me Sara, 'ma'am' makes me feel old. And to answer your question, it's not too bad. We're close enough to Fortree that we can still go to the store every once in a while, and we grow our own fruits and vegetables in the backyard. Of course, that would be easier if it weren't for the thieves," Sara said.

"Thieves?"

"Well, really just one. At least, I think. It's a Pokémon, that much is certain. Jason says he saw them running off with some things from our garden."

"It's true, I have," Jason said. "Looked like a Grovyle. A female one, at that. Avery and I tried to stop her, but she was fast. She managed to get away. Since then, she's gotten smart, and has been able to consistently steal from us without us ever noticing until it's too late. And that's after mom set up some guards."

"Guards?" Paul asked.

"Some of my old Pokémon," Sara said.

"You're a trainer?"

" _Was_ a trainer. A good one, too. Took the Pokémon League challenge and made it to Victory Road before I finally gave up and went home. My Pokémon wanted to stay with me, so I kept them around. Of course, it's much quieter these days, but they don't mind as long as I'm around."

"I see. Where are they?" Paul asked.

"Oh, they're around. They already ate, so they're probably passed out upstairs. Except for Jack, my Swampert, who's out back looking over the garden."

The timer dinged, signaling that whatever was cooking was finished. Sara turned off the stove and started putting the chicken onto a plate, which she brought over to the table.

"Alright, everybody dig in," she said.

Everybody grabbed a piece of chicken and started to eat. They were silent for a while until Sara spoke again.

"So Paul, how long have you been a trainer?" she asked.

"It's actually my first day," he said.

"Really? Most trainers start their journeys once they turn thirteen. What made you start so late?" she asked.

"Just figured it was time for a change, is all," Paul said as he took another bite of chicken.

"I see. And what made you pick an Absol as your starter?"

"I didn't so much pick Sako as I kind of threw a Poké Ball randomly and hoped I got something good."

"Well, I'd say you did fine, though Absol are a bit difficult to train. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it though, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Right, Jason?"

"Oh yeah," Jason said as he forced a smile. "Yeah, you'll be fine."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. To be honest, I'm not even sure what moves she knows," Paul said.

"Oh, I can help with that," Sara said.

"You can?" Paul asked.

"Of course. I was a trainer many years ago, but you never forget what you learned. Now, let's see… What did you say her name was?"

"Sako."

"Ah, yes. Sako, could you come here for a moment?"

The Absol looked somewhat surprised at hearing her name called, but nonetheless did as she was asked and approached the woman.

"Good. Now, I'm going to list off some moves, and I want you to tell me if you know how to use them. That sound good?"

Sako nodded, and Sara took a deep breath.

"Alright, then. How about Slash, do you know Slash?"

Sako nodded. Sara looked at Paul.

"There's one already. What about Razor Wind?"

This time, Sako shook her head.

"We'll keep trying, then. Scratch? Bite? Night Slash?"

Night Slash earned another nod.

"Oh, I think I just remembered one. How about Detect?" Paul asked.

Sako nodded again.

"Just one more, and then we should be good," Sara said. "Quick Attack?"

Sako gave another nod, and Sara smiled at Paul.

"Guess that's that, then. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Only for my dignity," Paul said.

The three were suddenly interrupted by a loud noise from outside. They looked at each other for a second, then moved to the door to investigate.

"It's Jack! He's fighting that Grovyle!" Jason said.

"He doesn't seem to be doing too well," Paul said as he watched the Swampert take a nasty-looking hit to the face.

"He's out of practice," Sara said. "Okay, you two go out there and back him up, I'll go get my other Pokémon and enlist their help. We're ending this today."

"Alright. Come on, Avery," Jason said as he led the way outside, his Tropius right alongside him.

"We're going too," Paul said.

Sako gave him a funny look, causing him to sight.

"It'll be different this time, okay? Now I actually know some moves for you to use. Just trust me, will you?" Paul asked.

The Absol nodded before following him outside.

As soon as the pair stepped out the front door, they were forced to dodge an airborne Swampert that was flying right towards them, no doubt the Grovyle's doing. They managed to avoid the unfortunate Water type, who hit the front porch and didn't move.

"Paul, over here!" Jason shouted from the right. Paul and Sako ran over to him, where they saw the Grovyle tackle Avery to the ground and start pummeling him mercilessly.

"Need some help?" Paul asked.

"Just hit her with something while you still can!"

Paul nodded. "Sako, use Slash!"

"Sol!" the Dark type shouted as she ran forward, claws outstretched. She managed to catch the Grass type off-guard and swipe her with her claws, but the attack caused the Grovyle to focus on Sako instead of Avery. She leaped off the injured Grass type and lunged forward with her left arm, intending to catch the Dark type with the sharp-looking leaves she had in the middle of it.

Paul was having none of that. "Sako, Detect!" he shouted.

The Absol became shielded in some kind of glowing blue energy that made the Grass type's attacks simply bounce off. The Grovyle continued to try the same attack, but to no avail.

"Hit her with a Night Slash!" Paul shouted.

The blue energy dissipated, and Sako lunged forwards, claws outstretched and coated in some kind of dark energy. The Grovyle managed to dodge the first slash, but landed awkwardly, which left her unbalanced and open to another attack. Sako managed to catch her with the second and third attacks, after which she managed to successfully disengage. The Grass type started to flee towards the forest.

"Don't let her get away, Paul!" Jason shouted.

"Don't worry, I won't! Come on, Sako!" Paul said as him and Sako began rushing after her.

While the two were forced to do their best to dodge incoming trees as they ran, they were still able to keep the fleeing Grass type in sight rather easily. Despite this, Paul could see that she was rapidly gaining ground ahead of them, and would get away if they didn't do something quickly.

"Quick Attack, Sako!" Paul said. The Dark type cast a quick glance his way, then took off running at a much faster pace. She collided with the Grovyle and brought her crashing into a tree, which made both Pokémon fall to the ground.

Seeing no other method of denying the Grovyle an escape route, Paul reached into his pocket for a Poké Ball. Finding one, he threw it at the Pokémon before she had a chance to get up again. The Ball flew through the air, opening up halfway to the target. It fired out a red beam towards the tangled mess of Absol and Grovyle before finding its target. Paul watched the Ball as it targeted Sako and pulled her inside.

"Oops, wrong Ball," he said as he reached for the other one he had. By this time the Grovyle had started to get up, giving Paul precious little time to react. He pulled out his only other Poké Ball and threw it, hoping for the best.

The Ball soared towards its target before opening and pulling her inside. It shook three times before letting out a tiny ding and ceasing movement.

"Uh… is it over?" Paul asked.

"Looks like it," Jason said as he approached the other trainer. "Nice job catching her, she's been a pain in my family's ass for a while. Unless you were planning on letting her go or something."

"I don't know, what do you think?" Paul asked.

"It's your decision, not mine. Though I can tell you right now that she'll be a tough one to train. Still, that's a fucking Grovyle you've got there. She'll be pretty useful. If you can handle her, that is. Also, please don't let her go because I'm like ninety percent sure that she'll just find her way back here and keep being a pain to us. So don't let her go, whatever you do."

"Alright then, I guess I'll keep her around."

"Did you crazy kids catch that Grovyle?" Sara asked as she stepped out of the trees.

"Paul caught her with one Poké Ball," Jason said.

"Really? Good for you, Paul. Also, thanks for getting rid of her for us."

"Don't worry about it," Paul said.

"So, were you going to stick around for dinner, too?" Sara asked.

"I'd love to, but someone is expecting me in Lilycove City, and I'd rather not keep him waiting. You both have been very hospitable and helpful, thank you very much," Paul said.

"Thanks for stopping by," Sara said. "Just promise us you'll come back later, okay?"

"Oh, definitely. You've both been too good to me for me to leave and never look back."

"Next time we meet, we'll have another battle!" Jason said.

"Sure thing, man. Well, I'll be seeing you both later, alright?" Paul said.

"Goodbye, Paul!" Sara said.

"See you later!" Jason shouted.

Paul took off in the opposite direction of the house. He made it about ten steps before he remembered something and started fishing around in his pocket for a Poké Ball.

"Sure hope this is the right one this time," he said as he pressed the button on the front to release what was inside. After a moment, Sako was standing at his side, a questioning look on her face.

"Sol?" she asked.

"It was an accident, alright? I didn't mean to catch you that time. Speaking of catching things, that Grovyle's with us now. I'm not going to let her out for a bit because I'm sure she'll be mad, but she's with us all the same."

Sako glared at him.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure you two will get along just fine. Maybe because if you don't I'll just keep you both in your Balls, and I'm sure nobody wants that."

"Absol!"

"Lighten up, will you? It was a joke. Man today's been fucking weird. Still, not like it could get any weirder."

Paul would eventually learn a lesson about tempting fate, but that wouldn't come until far later, after he had done it many times. Until then he would continue to operate under the mistaken assumption that events in the universe are random rather than based on irony like they really are.


	3. Chapter 3

**Parallax Chapter 3**

* * *

In accordance with its nature as one of the biggest, baddest motherfuckers out of all the routes in Hoenn, Route 120 was continuing to prove sufficiently annoying to navigate. It had been about a half hour since Paul and Sako had left Jason's house, and in that time the rain had stopped, started up again, somehow started raining even harder than it had been earlier, then backed down to how it was earlier once again. The muddy and slippery conditions had only continued to worsen as the rain continued to fall, doing little to ease Paul's way forward.

Paul happened to turn around just in time to see Sako's legs slip out from under her, sending her crashing into the mud. He quickly bounded over to her, intent on helping her up.

"Here," he said as he offered her a hand.

The Absol just glared at him. It took a moment for Paul to realize what he had done wrong.

"Right, no thumbs," he said. "Sorry, slipped my mind."

"Sol," Sako said as she picked herself up.

"You alright?" Paul asked.

"Absol," the Dark type said. Her underside was covered in mud, but the rain would wash it off in no time, Paul figured.

"I'll take that as a yes," Paul said. "You know how much longer we've got until we get to another route? This shit is getting old."

Sako shook her head. Paul let out a sigh.

"Guess we'll just keep following the path and hope it's not too far," he said exasperatedly.

He noticed the Dark type was eyeing his pocket and narrowed his gaze.

"I know what you're thinking, and I just want to say that I'm not sure it's the best idea," he cautioned.

Sako just rolled her eyes at his statement. Paul frowned.

"You know she'll be mad if we let her out. Especially at you, since you were the one to actually inflict damage on her. Nice work on that by the way, I know I've said it before but since it's the first battle we've ever won I think it's worth repeating."

"Sol," she happily said.

Paul couldn't help but smile a little bit. She seemed to have gotten over their first loss and the fact that he had accidentally caught her when he meant to catch the Grovyle. Good news for him, since it meant she was becoming easier to work with. He just hoped that the Grass type he had caught would prove to be just as ready to forgive, although he was expecting her to be difficult.

"Ab," Sako said, shaking him out of his stupor.

"Sorry, got lost in my own thoughts," Paul explained. "Anyway, I'm not letting her out just yet."

Sako started glaring at him once again.

"Why do you even want her to come out so bad? Like I said, she won't be happy that you beat her."

"Sol? Sol ab ab Absol," Sako said.

"I… uh… well, you get it," Paul stated.

The Absol's glare intensified.

"Sol! Absol Absol!" she shouted.

"Alright, geez, I'll let her out for a bit, just calm down!" Paul said as he reached into his pocket for the Poké Ball. "Fuckin' moody Pokémon…" he mumbled as he retrieved it.

He pressed the button on the front of the Ball, which opened and sent out a red light which struck the ground just a few inches in front of him. Paul silently thanked the fact that he had actually grabbed the right Ball this time; he didn't think Sako would be as forgiving a second time. After a moment the Grovyle materialized in front of him.

The Grass type took a look around. She noticed Sako, then Paul, and then the Poké Ball in his hand. Before anybody had time to react, she reached out and pushed the button on the front of the Ball. The Ball opened back up and pulled her inside before shutting.

The trainer and his Absol just stared at the Ball for a moment before Paul cleared his throat.

"Well, that went well," he stated before turning back to the Dark type. "Good enough for you?" he asked.

Sako shook her head. Paul sighed again.

"Figured as much," he said. "Alright, round two. This time I'll put it back in my pocket the second it finishes sending her out."

Paul pressed the button again. True to his word, the instant the red light disappeared, he jammed the Ball back into his pocket. This time the Grovyle tried to press the button again, but she was too late.

"That won't work this time," Paul said. He watched as her expression hardened, but pressed on anyway. "I guess now's a good time as any for introductions. I'm Paul. The Absol behind you is Sako. Do you have a name? Because I'd really rather not call you Grovyle, that seems demeaning."

The Grovyle glared at him. Paul was struck by how similar it was to the frequent glares he got from Sako.

"I know you want to go back into the Ball, but that's not happening until I at least get a name out of you," Paul stated matter-of-factly.

The Grovyle growled softly, then dropped down to her knees. Paul was about to ask what she was doing when he noticed she was scratching something into the mud. After a few seconds she stood up and shook the mud off her hand, then crossed her arms.

"Gaz," Paul said as he read what she had written. "That's your name?"

The Grovyle nodded. Paul smiled at her.

"Nice to meet you, Gaz," he said as he stuck out his hand.

Gaz stared at his outstretched hand before turning away. Paul lowered his hand.

"Too soon, I suppose," he muttered. "Well, now that you're out, why don't you keep traveling with us? It'll be far more exciting than being stuck in that Ball, I'm sure."

Gaz glared at him for a bit before letting out a sigh and moving alongside Sako. The Absol shot her a quick glance before turning back towards her trainer.

"Guess that answers that question," Paul said. "Let's keep moving, then. Hopefully we'll get through this route before long."

The trio continued on. Paul could hear Sako trying to talk with Gaz behind him, but the Grovyle didn't seem to be in a talking mood. Any questions the Absol asked were met with either a small grunt or no response at all. After a few attempts the Dark type simply gave up, and the group continued in silence.

It wasn't to last, as a man in hiking gear jumped out of the bushes to the side of the path and pointed at Paul.

"Aha!" he exclaimed. "You have Pokémon! That makes you a trainer, which means that I can battle you!"

"Were you hiding in the bushes this entire time just waiting for someone to pass along so you could jump out?" Paul asked, confused.

"No," the man exclaimed. Gaz huffed, causing him to cross his arms. "Alright, maybe I was. What's it to you?"

"It just seems weird, is all," Paul said. "Also, why are you in hiking gear? There aren't any mountains around here."

"It's my theme!" the hiker bellowed.

"Theme?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, you know, like how some guys dress up as Pokémon, or dress in short shorts and carry around butterfly nets and stupid hats, or how some guys dress up as ninjas, or-"

"Sol," Sako spat. Paul still wasn't able to translate, but he assumed it meant something along the lines of 'we get it, shut up'.

"…Okay, then," Paul said. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd very much like to get on my way, and-"

"Oh no you don't!" the hiker bellowed as he reached for a Poké Ball.

Paul sighed. "Look pal, it's been a weird day, it's pouring down rain, and I've got a place to be, so why don't we just-"

"Hiker Scott doesn't let anyone get away!" the man shouted.

Paul withheld his desire to point out how much the comment made the big man sound like a rapist, instead saying, "Look, Scott-"

"The name's Hiker, buddy!"

"What the fuck?"

"Scott's my last name!"

Sako started laughing hysterically, catching everyone's attention. They all stared as the Absol doubled over in laughter, clutching her stomach as best as she could, no easy task given that she was a quadruped.

"There's nothing funny about being named Hiker!" Hiker shouted.

That just made the Dark type laugh even harder. Tears began streaming down her face as she clutched her stomach. Hiker began to grit his teeth.

"I want to battle your Absol right now!" Hiker roared.

"I, uh, don't think-" Paul began.

"I don't want to hear it, city slicker!" Hiker exclaimed.

"What's a city slicker?" Paul asked.

"That's not important!" Hiker shouted as he threw his Poké Ball. A Graveler appeared in front of him. "Let's do this!"

"Alright, fine," Paul said as he turned back to look at his Absol. "I hate to interrupt your laugh session, but this guy is very insistent that you fight him, and I'd rather not get on his bad side because he's built like a brick wall, so would you mind helping me out?"

Sako gradually stopped laughing and picked herself up off the ground. She wiped the tears that were streaming down her face due to her laughter and stepped forward. Gaz crossed her arms as she watched the Dark type get involved in another fight.

"Relax, you'll get the next one," Paul said, receiving a grunt for his troubles. He wasn't sure if that meant she was unhappy about being denied the chance to fight or that she had really wanted to fight, but either way it would have to wait.

"Winner gets a thousand poké!" Hiker shouted. Paul nodded, and the battle commenced.

"Use Magnitude, Rocky!" Hiker shouted.

 _Oh, come on, could you be more unoriginal?_ Paul thought to himself as a series of small shocks began to rock the terrain. Sako lost her footing and came crashing to the ground, but quickly picked herself up again, seemingly unhurt.

"Use Night Slash, Sako! Don't let him get another hit in!" Paul called.

The Absol rushed forward, dodging the cracks in the terrain that had formed as a result of the Magnitude. She leapt towards the Rock type, claws outstretched and colored black, but in her haste she had left herself open to a counterattack.

"Use Strength, Rocky!" Hiker called.

To Sako and Paul's surprise, the Graveler reached forward as she closed the difference and grabbed her outstretched leg, then lifted her up by it. The Absol gave a yelp as her leg was wrenched painfully upwards. The Rock type's hold wasn't to last for very long, as he was quick to fling her away before she could start slashing at him with her claws. She impacted against a tree and collapsed to the ground.

"Shit! Sako, you alright?" Paul called.

The Absol bounced back to her feet and gave a quick nod, causing her trainer to smile.

"Good to hear. Let's try that again, shall we?"

Gaz grunted in protest. Clearly she didn't think much of her new trainer's abilities in battle, but Paul ignored her.

"Don't let him grab you like that again."

"Sol!" Sako cried as she once again charged at the bulky Rock type.

The Graveler made another grab towards her, but she was able to roll to the side and dodge it. In an instant she had closed the distance and had started opening up on Rocky, her limbs a blur as she nimbly dodged his attacks while continuing to strike back with her own.

"Enough of this!" Hiker shouted. "Use Brick Break!"

"Oh, shit," Paul muttered, before he remembered something. "Detect!" he called.

As the Graveler's fist came soaring towards the swift Dark type, she became cloaked in a glowing blue layer of energy. Just before she was hit, she rolled under it, avoiding damage completely. As she did so the energy dissipated, meaning that she was open to taking damage once more.

"Disengage before he tries that again!" Paul shouted.

Sako got out a few more hits before deciding to break off her engagement. She leapt backwards, out of the large Rock type's range, or so she thought.

"Rock Throw!" Hiker ordered.

The Graveler reached down and tore a big, heavy-looking patch of dirt out of the ground.

"I guess that counts as a rock," Paul observed. "Get out of the way, Sako!"

The Rock type threw his makeshift ordinance at the Absol, but she was quick to leap out of the way. As she did so, she landed oddly on the leg Rocky had grabbed earlier, letting out a gasp as she did so.

Hiker noticed his opportunity and took it. "Magnitude!" he ordered.

The Graveler raised his leg and brought it crashing down into the ground, which began shaking far more than it had earlier. A large fissure formed in the ground, headed right towards the Dark type. It opened up and swallowed her before closing.

Before Paul had a chance to ask the big man just what the fuck he had done to his Absol, a hole in the ground a few feet away opened up and said Absol was thrown out of it covered in dirt.

"Are you alright, Sako?" Paul asked, concerned. The Dark type nodded furiously and struggled to her feet. "Then let's end this shit before it's too late. Close the distance with Quick Attack, then go for another Night Slash combo."

"Sol!" she called out before speeding towards her opponent.

"Hit her with another Rock Throw before she gets close!" Hiker shouted.

To the Graveler's credit, he tried his best to his the nimble Dark type, but she was just too fast for him. She had closed the distance after he had thrown the first patch of dirt and was reaching for another, and she wasted no time in hitting him with another flurry of strikes. The two-hundred pound Rock type was gradually forced backwards due to Sako's assault, and began to try and shield himself rather than fight back.

"What are you doing? Hit her with Brick Break!" Hiker commanded.

Before he got the chance to retaliate, Sako channeled the energy in her claws to her horn instead, and with one slash, finished her combo. Rocky came crashing to the ground, where he stayed collapsed until his trainer returned him to his Poké Ball.

"Good job, Sako," Paul said happily.

"Sol!" she said, equally as happy.

Gaz let out another grunt. Paul decided to interpret it as meaning that she was happy for them, although he had no doubt that he was nowhere close to what she had actually meant.

"Good battle," Hiker said as he approached the trainer. "Here's the money I promised you," he said as he offered Paul his hand.

"Thanks," Paul said as he accepted the money and stuffed it in his pocket. "But really, how long were you waiting for someone to cross your path so you could challenge them?"

"Just a few hours," Hiker said.

"How? Don't you get bored?" Paul asked.

"There are ways to relieve boredom on your own with little effort," Hiker said, winking as he did so.

Paul quickly wiped the hand he had accepted the money with on his shirt. "Right. Well, I've got to get to Lilycove, so I'll be seeing you."

"Okay. Maybe we'll see each other again in the future, but until then, goodbye," Hiker said as he continued on his way.

"Goodbye," Paul called as he began walking again.

For a while, everything was calm. Nature had gotten their hopes up by making the rain go away, only to make it come back again not a minute later. The wind also started to blow fiercely, meaning the three almost had to fight their way forward.

"This sucks so fucking hard!" Paul shouted over the wind and rain.

"Gro," Gaz said, almost making him fall over in surprise. He hadn't expected a response from her. Paul felt a small grin begin to inch its way across his face.

"You there!" someone called.

And just like that, his grin disappeared.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Paul muttered as he turned to face the man. "Look buddy, now's not really the best time for a battle, so why don't you just-"

"A battle? No, no, no, I want to enlist your help!" the man shouted as he approached. Paul noticed that he was dressed in a laboratory coat, an odd choice of clothing for the current climate.

"What for? Did someone steal your purse or something?" Paul asked.

"Basically," the man said.

Paul paused. Of all the answers he could have received to his sarcastic remark, that wasn't one of them. "Alright, now you have my-"

"Silence, simpleton! I have no time for your ignorant questions when my life's work is at stake!" the man shouted.

"What?" Paul asked, perplexed.

"Did you not just hear my last statement? I said no time for questions, no matter how insignificant and necessary to your understanding of the situation they are!"

"But I-"

"Enough! I shall talk, and you shall listen! I am Charles O'Hanrahan. I am the world's leading scientist in the field of mega evolution, as well as a self-made billionaire due to my research. I am also an occasional fruitcake, tax evasion master, perpetual ruiner of children's fun, and, very rarely, an eccentric with a twisted sense of humor! How do you do?"

"Well, I'm-"

"Never mind, that doesn't matter now! You look like a trainer, therefore you can help me! In exchange, I shall show you my gratitude in whichever way I see fit, and you will be appreciative of it!"

"Just wait-"

"Nonsense! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for you to have a billionaire in your debt in whichever way said billionaire may see fit! Be a smart boy and take the proposal and run with it!"

"Well, I need-"

"Good! Now, here's what I need! A man in a distasteful blue shirt and torn cargo shorts has just stolen important documents from me, documents which will answer the question as to whether or not mega evolution may be used even without the mega ring or a mega stone! You will get them back for me!"

"But what if-"

"Silence! Do as you're told, and the rewards may be great!"

"Where is this guy, anyway?"

"He ran that way!" Charles shouted as he pointed back towards the way he came. "Let us make haste before he gets away!"

"Wait a minute, if you're just going to tag along with us, why not use your own Pokémon and go after him?"

"Do I look like I own any Pokémon?" the scientist asked.

"Well, you just said you study mega evolution, so I figured-"

"You figured wrong! Now let us leave before he gets too far!"

"Alright, let's go," Paul said as they took off in the direction Charles had pointed them towards.

For a few minutes they ran down the path unmolested. That all changed when they rounded a corner and almost ran right into a female trainer.

"Hey, watch it!" she cried. She quickly noticed Gaz and Sako, and turned back to Paul. "Hey, would you like to-"

She didn't get a chance to finish her sentence as Charles kicked her in the groin, sending her tumbling to the ground. "Fool, we have no time for your antics! My life's work is at stake, and by proxy, the future of Pokémon battling as a whole is as well!" he shouted.

"Asshole!" the trainer cried as the group left her in the dust.

"Not that I can't appreciate a good cunt punt from time to time, but was that really necessary?" Paul asked.

"Of course! Now is no time for battling!" Charles said.

"I could have politely refused-"

"No time for polite refusals!" Charles shouted. "Aha! There is the man!" he suddenly shouted as the group rounded a corner. "You there!" he shouted.

The man turned around, giving Paul a good view of his shirt which had 'I am a motherfucker' written on it in bold white letters. The phrase was surrounded by pictures of women in various states of undress. The women were all holding marital aides and were gesturing the viewer towards them. Underneath them, the phrase 'Beer hunting champion, 2014, shot a keg and then chugged all of the beer leaking out' was emblazoned in red, white, and blue letter. All of this was set against a backdrop of a nuclear explosion, with the words 'Back-to-back world war champions, fuck you Churchill' scattered around the border.

"Wow, that is distasteful," Paul remarked. "I didn't even know it was possible to fit that many words on one shirt."

"Did I not say it was distasteful? Now do something about him!" Charles said.

"I don't know, I'm starting to think maybe this is just some other guy with a distasteful shirt," Paul said sarcastically.

"Idiot! If you look closely you will see that he is holding a briefcase with my initials on it, which can only mean that it is my briefcase! In addition, while other distasteful shirts exist, this one is the most distasteful of all, thus marking him as the perpetrator!"

"Relax, I was just messing around. Gaz, you want to get this guy?"

The Grass type let out a grunt before sprinting towards the man. He reached for a Poké Ball, but the Grovyle had managed to tackle him to the ground and pin his arm before he could use it.

"Motherfucker!" the man shouted as the rest of the group approached.

"Good work, Gaz," Paul said, receiving another grunt for his troubles.

"I will be taking that, thank you my miscreant friend!" Charles shouted as he reached for the briefcase.

"I've got a better idea: how about me and your friend over there battle for it? Winner gets it," the man said.

Paul let out a small laugh. "Fuck no, dude. Why the fuck would I fight you when I've already won? That's just stupid. I'm many things, but an idiot is not one of them."

"Could have fooled me."

"Do you want me to have my Grovyle knock you out? Because she's been a little antsy today, I don't think that bit of violence a few seconds ago was good enough for her, and I can tell she doesn't like you. Must be the shirt or something."

"Fuck you, this shirt kicks ass," the man spat.

"Keep telling yourself that," Paul said. "What did you want with this briefcase anyway?"

"Nothing in particular, I just felt like stealing something and I couldn't find any old ladies with purses around so I settled for the next best thing. I don't regret it, either. Made me feel like I was back in high school, pushing nerds down the stairs and taking their lunch money from them. You know, the good old days."

"Alright, that's enough talking with criminals for one day. Gaz, can you knock this guy out or something?" Paul asked.

The Grovyle thumped the man on the side of the head, then climbed off of him. The man stayed on the ground, unconscious.

"Thank you," Paul said as the Grovyle returned to his side.

"Speaking of thank you's, thank you, random trainer!" Charles said.

"The name's Paul, and I believe you mentioned something about a reward," Paul said.

"Of course!" Charles shouted. "You are a trainer, yet you do not have a universal translator!"

"What's that?"

"It translates universally!"

"Well, gee, thanks a lot for answering my question so well," Paul said. "How about you tell me what it actually does?"

"It changes Poké-speak to human-speak! Very useful! It's worn around your Pokémon's neck and works automatically! Solar charged, no batteries required, even! Very nice! I happen to have one with me that you can have!"

"Why do you have a universal translator if you're not a trainer?" Paul asked.

"Because I need some way to spend all this money in my bank account!" Charles opened the briefcase and took out what looked like a necklace with a small box in the middle. "For you!"

"No offense, but it seems kind of small for the fact that I just saved your ass in a major way," Paul said.

"How dare you speak to me that way! And how dare you be right! For this, I am forced to concede to you! I'll set you up with universal translators for life, then! Give me a call and I'll have one delivered to your location immediately!"

"That's more like it," Paul said.

"Here is my number!" Charles said as he fished around in his pocket and pulled out a business card, then handed it to Paul. "Give me a call when you require a translator, and I shall hook you up!"

"Alright, cool," Paul said as he pocketed the card.

"Now I must be leaving! Farewell to you!" Charles shouted as he took off running. Paul didn't bother to say goodbye to him as he left.

"Just when I thought this day couldn't get any weirder," Paul said, examining the translator as he did so. "Alright, now here's the big question: which of you wants this thing?" he said, turning to his Pokémon.

Gaz didn't seem to care, simply rolling her eyes at the suggestion. Sako seemed much more eager, approaching her trainer for it.

"Guess that answers that question, then," Paul said. He slipped the necklace over Sako's head, then tightened the strap. "Go on, try it out, Sako," he said.

"As the human puts the translator over my head, I begin to reconsider my offer, as I now realize that I will be forced to translate for the Grovyle as well," she said.

"Fuckin' awesome!" Paul shouted, causing both of his Pokémon to take a step back. The unconscious man on the ground began to stir due to the sound, but another quick move from Gaz sent him back into unconsciousness.

"Not so loud, please. Sensitive ears and all that shit," Sako said.

"Hey, did you just swear?" Paul asked, surprised.

"Is it really that surprising? Even if I didn't already know all the swear words in existence, I definitely would have picked a few up after traveling with you. Speaking of which, I must say I'm impressed; you've managed to help me see the highest amount of weird shit I've ever seen in one day. Well, other than that time that passing group of Magnemite decided to have an orgy in the forest," she stated.

"What?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, you've managed to equal that amount of weird shit in like three hours of travel time. Like I said, I'm impressed; that orgy was an all-day event, you know."

"You watched an all-day Magnemite orgy? Why?" Paul asked.

Sako huffed. "Do you know how boring it gets living in a forest? Anything that disrupts the status quo should be embraced. Why do you think I'm traveling with you?"

"Because I caught you?" Paul said, confused.

Sako laughed. "Oh, please. I could leave at any time I want, I'm only sticking around because you let me fight and don't treat me like shit, which is more than can be said for most of the residents of the forest I came from."

"I'm, uh, sorry to hear that," Paul said.

"Don't be. As for the ice queen over there, I can't speak for her. She's maybe said five words to me since we started traveling together," Sako said.

"Gro," Gaz grunted.

"Make that six."

"Well, it's good to finally be able to actually hold a conversation with you," Paul said.

"Likewise. You're alright for a human. Also, the one-sided conversation bullshit started getting old an hour ago, and if we had had to keep it going for more than a week I would have cut and run the instant you fell asleep. No offense."

"Gro," Gaz said.

"That makes seven."

"What'd she say?" Paul asked.

"'Likewise'," Sako answered. "Anyway, I think you ought to buy that scientist guy a beer the next time you see him, because you owe him big time for this thing."

"You know about beer?" Paul asked.

"What is this, twenty questions?" Sako said. "Yes, of course I know about beer. I spent a lot of time hanging out around Fortree, stealing the groceries people left outside when they went to go prop their doors open and put them inside. Sometimes I took a beer. Can't say I enjoyed the taste, but I took it anyway."

"Should you really have been drinking alcohol?" Paul asked.

Sako laughed again. "Probably not, but I did anyway. Not like anyone would stop me, after all. Speaking of alcohol, do me a favor and get me some different kinds the next time you go to a bar, I want to see if there's at least one I enjoy."

"If you think you'll be alright, then I don't see the problem."

"Alright." The Absol turned to the Grass type next to her. "How about you, ice queen? You want the human to get you anything?"

"Gro," Gaz huffed.

"I'm guessing that's a no?" Paul asked.

"That's a polite translation, but yes," Sako said.

"Also, I have a name."

"I know, but it sounds weird."

"What's so weird about my name?"

"I don't know, it just doesn't sound right."

"Well, despite that, I'd appreciate it if you'd call me by it anyway."

"Alright, fine, I'll call you by your name," Sako said.

"Grovyle," Gaz grumbled.

"What'd she say?" Paul asked.

"She asked if we can get going. I'm going to go ahead and echo her line of thinking, here. Can we get going?"

"Sure thing," Paul said. "By the way, how much longer is it to Lilycove? Do you know?"

"Yeah, I know. Been there a few times. Can't say I enjoyed it; too many people. Anyway, it's about two hours away. Short route, but hard as hell. I'm surprised you made it this far. Congrats."

"Thank you. Let's get going," Paul said.

The three continued along the route for several hours. Along the way, they encountered several trainers, though all of them used Fire type Pokémon, so Gaz didn't get a chance to showcase her abilities.

That all changed as the trio passed Mt. Pyre.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Sako mentioned as the group passed a large building to their left. "Maybe it's the fact that this street looks like it contains nothing but rape, or maybe it's the fact that there's a giant, haunted-ass mountain a few miles to our right that is undoubtedly leaking ghosts out here. Those motherfuckers can float, you know, so this big body of water doesn't mean anything to them."

"Afraid of ghosts?" Paul asked, a smirk on his face.

"Fuck yes. They're cold, they're prone to pranking people for no reason, they're fucking dead, and I don't like 'em."

"Makes sense, I guess. By the way, what was that big building back there?"

"Seriously? That's the entrance to the Safari Zone. Do you just not know anything about the region you're in?"

"Not really. How do you know all of this stuff, anyway? Didn't you spend your whole life in a forest in the middle of nowhere?"

"Yeah, but even I got out every now and again. Also I stole maps from the fine citizens of Fortree sometimes."

"You sure do like stealing things. Should I be concerned that you'll rob the next person we see blind?"

Sako scoffed. "Please. Even I have standards, and let me tell you, none of the faggots we've seen so far have met them."

"Oh, really? What are these standards?"

"Rich, for one."

"Holy shit, a talking Absol!" someone called from behind the group, causing all of them to turn around. When they did, they were met with a man in a large Charmander costume. Or, rather, the bottom half of a Charmander costume.

"Who is this guy and why is he dressed as the ass end of a Charmander?" Sako asked.

"I have a terrible feeling that we're about to find out," Paul said.

"Should we run?"

"I'm considering it."

The man started rushing forward, causing Paul to regret not making a break for it while he had the chance.

"Too late now," said Sako.

"Unfortunately," Paul remarked.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you have a talking Absol!" the man said as he stopped a few feet from the group. He turned towards Sako and smiled at her. "Hello, boy! Can you speak for me?"

Sako frowned. "What did you just call me?" she asked.

Paul was distinctly aware of Gaz chuckling behind him, which happened to be the most emotion he had seen from her yet, and, he realized, would most likely be the most emotion he got from her in a while.

"Oh my God, how amazing!" the stranger said as he turned towards Paul. "What's your secret? How did you get him to talk?"

"Dude, really?" Sako asked. "Are you only paying attention to what I'm saying and not how I'm saying it? Do you have cognitive problems, or some shit?"

"Oh my God, he said it again! Please, you simply must-"

"Well, I taught _her_ to talk by giving _her_ a universal translator that I got from some rich guy whose ass I saved. _She_ certainly appreciates _her_ newfound ability to talk, isn't that right, _girl_?" Paul asked. He hoped the stranger would catch the hint he had dropped.

"That's pretty much what happened, yeah," Sako remarked. "Actually, I wouldn't call it a newfound ability to talk, more like a newfound ability to get other people to understand, since I've always been able to talk, and the only reason nobody could understand me was because humans are too fucking lazy to learn our language."

"A universal translator?" the man asked, confused. "Where can I get one?"

"I don't know, try buying one online or something," Paul asked. "You can probably get one from the same website you bought that weird-ass costume from. Speaking of which, why are you wearing half of a costume?"

"Obviously because I appreciate Pokémon more than you," the man said.

"Yeah, okay, but why only wear half of a costume? Either wear the costume or don't, don't go halfway and then say fuck it."

"If you want to sit here and roast me over an open fire because of my fashion choices, then I'm going to challenge you to a battle," the man warned.

Sako stepped in before Paul could respond. "Oh, we're shaking in our boots, the guy in the stupid costume is going to kick our asses. Whatever will we do?" she asked sarcastically.

Paul glared at her. "What she meant to say was-"

"Oh, no, I've heard enough. We're doing this shit, so declares I, Ian Macleod!" the man proclaimed.

"That's the geekiest fucking way to introduce yourself I've ever heard. I bet you become intimately acquainted with the inside of a lot of lockers while you were in high school," Sako said, "would explain why you wear the costume, since only a fucking nerd would wear something like that."

"Do you enjoy grinding people's gears?" Paul asked her.

"Maybe just a little."

"Enough talk!" Ian declared, as he threw a Poké Ball up in the air. A Swampert materialized in front of Paul and his team, looking mad as hell.

"Didn't we just see one of those earlier?" Paul asked.

"Must be common or something. Regardless, I've got this," Sako said as she took a step forward, only to be stopped by Gaz.

"Gro," the Grass type grunted.

"What'd she say?" Paul asked.

"She wants to handle this one," Sako answered.

"Why?"

"Vyle," Gaz spat.

"Apparently, he reminds her of that other Swampert," Sako translated. "She hated that other Swampert," she added.

"You got all of that from one word?" Paul questioned.

"The magic of Pokémon language. You should try learning it sometime."

"I'll pass, thanks."

"Hey! Are we doing this, or what?" Ian called.

"Let's get this shit over with," Paul said. "Gaz, what moves do you know?"

"Gro, vyle, Grovyle, vy," the Grass type answered.

"Leaf Blade, Pursuit, Agility, Mega Drain," Sako translated.

"Good to know. Okay, then, use Leaf Blade!" Paul said.

Gaz bounded forward, but to Paul's surprise, she wasn't extending her arms in order to increase her reach. Instead, she fired a green beam from her hands, one that arced towards the opposing Pokémon. The beam connected, and small orbs of energy flowed from the target back to Gaz.

"What the hell was that?" Paul asked.

"I think that was Mega Drain," Sako said.

"Why'd she use that instead of Leaf Blade? I did tell her to use Leaf Blade, right?" Paul questioned.

"That's what I heard."

"Damn it," Paul said. "Gaz, what are you doing?" he shouted.

The green beam had faded, leaving the target standing there, apparently unscathed. Gaz was circling the Water type, eyeing him and waiting for an opening.

"Hit her with Surf!" Ian commanded.

"Swamp!" the Swampert shouted, bringing a torrent of water crashing towards the Grass type as he did so. Just before the water connected, its intended target bounded out of the way and circled around to the Swampert's other side. The leaves on the side of her arms began to glow as she closed the distance, and she was able to get several good slashes in before the target brought one of his arms crashing towards her.

Unfortunately for the Swampert and his trainer, the Grass type proved far too nimble for the attack, easily dodging it. The Water type's massive arm continued towards the ground, where it impacted and left a large crater.

"How is she moving so fast?" Paul asked, as he watched Gaz continue to bolt around the Water type before charging in and slashing at him. "I don't remember her being this fucking fast. What happened?"

"She must have used Agility at some point, that's the only logical explanation I can think of. Or maybe she just really wanted to be caught by you," Sako said.

"No more games!" Ian called, as he watched his Pokémon futilely try and fend off another assault from Paul's Grovyle. "Next time that fucking lizard comes in for an attack, grab her!"

From where he was standing, Paul could have sworn he heard Gaz let out a snort of contempt at the other trainer's statement. Her overconfidence would prove to be her undoing, as the next time she closed in, the Swampert was able to grab her.

"Now hit her with an Ice Beam!" Ian shouted.

"A what now?" Paul asked. He watched his Pokémon struggle in the Water type's grasp to no avail as a ball of white, ice-cold energy built up in the Swampert's mouth.

An instant before the attack was ready to fire, Gaz freed one of her arms and plunged the blade on it downwards into the Water type's wrist. The target let out a cry of pain, and the energy that had built up began to dissipate. While he was reeling from the blow, she was able to free herself, close the distance once again, and open up on him. This assault proved to be too much for the Swampert to take, and he collapsed, unconscious.

Gaz cast one last look at her fallen opponent before returning to her trainer's side, a triumphant look on her face. That look faded when she glanced at her trainer.

"What the hell was that?" Paul asked.

"Gro. Vyle, vy, Grovyle," she spat.

"She says the she did a better job alone than the two of you would have done together," Sako said.

Paul glared at her. "What makes you say that?" he asked.

"Gro. Grovyle."

"Oh, come on, he's not that bad," Sako protested.

"What? What did she say?" Paul asked.

"She said that she's seen the way you battle and that she wouldn't be caught dead following orders from someone like you."

"Oh, really?" Paul asked. "If you think you're so good, then why did you lose to me and Sako?"

Gaz let out a grunt and averted her gaze. Paul smirked, knowing that he had her.

"Guess you're not as good as you think you are," he said. His expression softened, and he followed up his sentence by saying, "look, Gaz, if you don't want to be on this team, I can smash your Poké Ball right now and send you on your way. I'm not going to force you to stay with me if that isn't what you want."

The Grovyle's expression dropped slightly, and she looked back towards her trainer. "…Gro?" she asked.

"She wants to know if you're serious," Sako said.

Paul nodded. "Of course. Is that what you want?"

Gaz thought for a bit, but then let out a little grunt and shook her head no. Paul smiled at her.

"That's fine," he said, "but if you're going to stay, then you need to listen to me, okay? Unless you don't want to travel with me and Sako, in which case-"

"Gro," she stated.

"Okay, nevermind," Paul asked. "Anyway, I'll just collect my money from-" he said as he looked around for Ian, only to find that the trainer and his Swampert had disappeared. "Figures. Well, let's keep moving, then," he said.

As the group continued moving, Paul turned to Sako and asked, "what was up with Gaz? Is that normal?"

Sako chuckled. "Oh, yes. Some Pokémon are weird that way. Guess they just need some time to adjust and think about what they really want."

"You mean like you?" Paul taunted.

"Hey, I wasn't anywhere near as bad as that, especially once I got this translator. Seriously, this thing is fucking great, it's made life so much easier already and we haven't even had it for that long."

* * *

Lilycove City is one of the richest cities in the Hoenn region due to its prime location next to the sea, which allows for a lot of trade opportunities. This location also means that it is a primary location for those trainers who wish to travel to Mossdeep City, as Lilycove is one of the closest cities to it. Because of this never ending influx of wealth, its citizens are also some of the smuggest, most pompous, most arrogant, and all-around dickish citizens in the world. It is not uncommon to have the more well-off citizens greet the somewhat impoverished newcomers with something called the "Lilycove Rains", which is a fancier term designed to cover up the fact that the rich people spit on the poor ones before turning their noses up in disgust and walking away.

In addition, Lilycove City is regarded as one of the more exciting locations present in the Hoenn region by people who have terrible taste in cities. This is because, like all other big cities, Lilycove is more prone to crime than other, smaller cities, there are too many people and not enough places to sit, and garbage accumulates in the worst of places because the municipal waste disposal workers have long since passed the point of drinking for enjoyment and have instead started drinking in the hopes that the next shot of alcohol will finally completely destroy their livers so they can die instead of keep working as waste disposal technicians, and it's starting to affect their work. Lilycove City is also prone to tourism, which attracts tourists, who are some of the most insufferable, unbearable people to ever walk the face of the Earth, right behind artists and middle schoolers. Lilycove City is also right next to the ocean, meaning that occasionally the city will flood during storms and that everything smells like a sushi bar if the fish were all alive and pissing in all the water glasses.

Until very recently, the citizens of Lilycove collectively decided that they were all too good for a standard Pokémon League Gym, opting for a giant contest hall instead. Surprising nobody except the people who voted in favor of this motion, the contest hall failed to bring in much of a profit, probably because Pokémon contests are about as fun as watching paint dry while being punched in the nuts by someone wielding spiked brass knuckles while listening to someone read a book about the history of country music. Realizing their mistake, the citizens of Lilycove decided to install a gym next to their giant department store, which was a good move as all the trainers who got their asses kicked could head over to the department store to buy comfort food instead of actually healing their Pokémon first.

Lilycove was also home to Team Aqua when they were still active, something which the locals still refuse to talk about since they are under the impression that Team Aqua will break into their houses, kill their mothers, and rape their Pokémon if they dare talk about it. This means that it is easy to prank Lilycove natives by simply mentioning how you heard from your second cousin twice removed that Team Aqua had moved back into their old hideout, provided someone is available to clean up the trail of piss the prankee leaves behind, as the garbage disposal guys certainly won't be doing it unless the piss contains massive amounts of ethanol. Despite this, the prank remains a favorite among those newcomers who are sick of being spit on by a bunch of arrogant pricks with more money than sense.

"So, what are we doing here, again?" Sako asked as the trio entered the big city.

"We're looking for a friend of mine. He said he'd meet me here, though he didn't give me an exact location," Paul said.

"Gro. Vyle gro, grovyle," Gaz said.

"She said-" Sako began, only to be cut off by Paul.

"You know what? I'm getting you a translator right now, Gaz," Paul said as he pulled out his Pokénav and dialed Charles's number. "Yeah, Charles? I'm gonna need another translator about now. I'm right at the gates of Lilycove, so could you send a guy over or something? Thanks," Paul said as he ended the call.

Not ten seconds later, a man in a suit and a Xatu teleported in front of the group. The man wordlessly handed Paul a translator before teleporting out.

"Damn, that was easy," Paul said as he handed Gaz the translator.

The Grass type slipped the machine over her head, then tightened it around her neck.

"Try it out," Paul said.

"It's about time, I was wondering how long I would have to wait before you finally called in another favor," Gaz spoke. Her voice was slightly deeper than Sako's, but not by much.

"You know, I don't think I'll ever get over how weird it feels hearing Pokémon talk."

"I was considering teaching myself English. Or forcing you to learn Poké-Speak."

"Now that that's out of the way, can we focus on finding Paul's friend?" Sako asked.

"Great plan," Gaz deadpanned. "This is one of the biggest cities in Hoenn, it's going to be like trying to find a needle in a-"

"Hey, Paul!" someone called from the left of the group, causing them to turn towards the sound.

Paul felt a smile creep across his face. "What's going on, Greg?" he asked, rushing forwards to meet his friend. The two extended their hands for a handshake, then came in closer for a quick one-handed hug.

"Eh, the usual. Hall of Origins is as boring as it's always been. Can't believe none of them cared I was gone for so long. Well, maybe I can, since the last time I was there it was April Fool's, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one having any fun." Greg glanced past his longtime friend at his Pokémon. "Shit man, you caught a Grovyle? Nice. What's her name?"

"Gaz," the Grovyle said as Sako and her stepped forward. "And this is-"

"Sako," Greg interrupted. "We've met before."

"We have?" Sako asked.

"Well, kind of. I met you, at least."

Sako raised an eyebrow, but didn't question the issue further.

"Anyway, I'm thirsty as all hell, so we're going to the bar," Greg said.

"There's a bar in Lilycove?" Paul asked.

Greg laughed. "Of course! There's a bar in every city, man. Lilycove's got one of the best, too. Follow me and I'll take you to it."

Paul and his Pokémon followed Greg through the streets, dodging other pedestrians as they did so.

"So, who is this guy?" Sako asked as she avoided a man and his Arcanine.

"He's my best friend. His name's Greg," Paul said.

"Why'd he say he already met me even though I've never seen him before in my life? Was he present when my mom gave birth to me, or some shit?"

"It's a-"

"It's a long story, yeah, alright. Do you plan on giving me a straight answer to any of the questions I ask you?"

"We're here," Greg stated as he stopped in front of a small building next to the harbor. He opened the door, then motioned for the other tree to enter, which they did so.

Paul was surprised to see that the bar was heavily populated. Greg seemed to sense his surprise, and answered his questioned before he had a chance to ask it.

"Sailors," he stated simply, "they dock in the harbor on the other side of town and come into here for a drink and sloppy, one-night-only sex with a drunken patron whose name they won't remember and who more closely resembles the ass end of a moose than an actual person. That's assuming they don't try and pick up a Gardevoir or something, which is not only frighteningly common, but also encouraged by a good portion of the general population."

"That's disturbing," Paul said.

"Hey, you won't hear a contrary opinion from me. Unless I'm in my Mew form, in which case I'd have to take the opposite opinion out of principle."

"What did he just say?" Gaz asked.

"I'm pretty sure I heard something about a Mew," Sako said, confused.

Greg let out a laugh. "Oh, man. I take it Paul hasn't told you yet? Well, I guess that's one thing we'll have to do. Once we get some drinks in us, of course." He motioned towards an unoccupied table, and the group sat at it.

"What do you recommend?" Paul asked.

"I don't even need to think about the answer to that. Get the mojito, it's one of the best I've ever had, and I've had a lot of mojitos."

"Okay, I'll get up and get them," Paul said.

"No need, there's a waitress coming over here."

Paul raised an eyebrow. "Waitresses in a bar?"

Greg laughed. "Told you things were different around here," he said.

The waitress arrived a few seconds later. "What can I get you?" she asked.

"Four mojitos," Greg stated.

"Coming right up," she stated as she left.

"You planning on drinking three of those yourself or something?" Paul asked.

"It wouldn't exactly be unusual for me. Especially after the meeting I just got out of. Good lord, can they fucking ramble on and on. It's a good thing I didn't take a gun with me when I went to your house in the morning, because I probably would have blown my fucking brains out in that damn meeting room."

"That bad, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it. Anyway, I figured those two would want a drink," Greg said as he motioned towards Gaz and Sako.

"Is that wise?" Paul asked.

Greg chuckled. "It's just alcohol, it's not going to kill 'em. Besides, it's just an Absol and a Grovyle. Now, if you had something like a Tyranitar, things would be different, but as they are now, I think we're good. But enough about that, how's your day been?"

Paul let out a sigh. "It's been a little crazy, alright? I'm a little tired from it all, honestly. Anywhere good I can go to rest up after this?"

"There's always the Pokémon Center," Greg stated as the waitress returned with their drinks. "Thank you," he said as she placed all four of them on the table. He passed one to Paul, one to Gaz, and one to Sako, who just stared at it, confused.

"How do you expect me to drink this with no hands?" Sako asked.

"Ah yes, my mistake. Here, I'll fix that," Greg said. Sako's drink became cloaked in a blue light and began to float towards her. The two Pokémon stared at the man in shock as the drink came to rest just below the Absol's mouth.

"Okay, what was that?" Sako asked.

"That was what Paul has neglected to tell you about," Greg stated. "Shame on him, by the way, for not telling you about this."

Paul threw up his arms in surrender. "Alright, maybe I fucked up, but I'm kind of new at all this shit, alright? Why don't you start telling them about it all while I try and slam as much of this mojito down my throat as I can in one go, because my day has been crazy and I need to unwind," he stated, as he brought his drink to his lips and began to gulp it down.

"Good to see you haven't changed one bit, then," Greg said before turning back to the two Pokémon. "Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm a Mew. I got sick and tired of dealing with the constant bullshit the other legendary Pokémon were spewing, so I teleported myself to another dimension, one where Pokémon don't exist, per se. I lived in a small town there for several years, occasionally coming back to go to meetings I hated, but mostly staying in that town, enjoying my downtime. There I met Paul here, who's been my best friend ever since."

"Likewise," Paul said as he put his half-full drink back on the table.

"If you hate living in this world so much, why did you come back?" Gaz asked. She tentatively took a sip of her drink upon asking her question, and visibly recoiled from the taste.

"Well, I kind of fucked up big time and teleported into the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency, or the CIA for short. The CIA have files on everyone who lives in the country, and of course I was there long enough for them to have most likely gotten a snapshot of my face, so it would stand to reason that they would want to bring me in for questioning, especially since teleportation is not supposed to be a thing in that world," Greg answered as he took a long sip from his own drink.

"Why did you teleport yourself into what sounds like a very powerful government agency that you knew could fuck up your day if given the chance?" Sako asked.

"Because I was drunk. Heavily drunk. Piss-your-pants-while-standing-and-laugh-about-it drunk."

"Ah. One too many mojitos, then?" Sako asked as she tried the drink in question for the first time. Unlike Gaz, she handled the taste well, and went back for another sip.

"Actually it was a combination of lemon-lime soda and bourbon, which probably sounds nasty but is actually quite good, I would recommend it any day of the week over most drinks."

"Close enough. So where does Paul fit in to all of this?" Gaz asked as she set her drink aside. Paul gave her a questioning glance, and she nodded at him, giving him the okay to take her drink. Paul didn't need a second confirmation, and replaced his empty glass with her almost full one.

"Well, like I said, the CIA has files on everyone, which means they have access to your friends and family, which means that if they can't get to you, they'll go after your loved ones in the hopes of drawing you out. Since I literally had no family in the entire world for them to get to, that left my friends, with my best friend at the top of the list. Even if I was to teleport back to this world, that would still leave Paul in the tough position of being interrogated by an elite security force over information he knows nothing about. So I brought him here with me. As for the rest of our friends, I hate to leave them behind, but having one fish-out-of-water is bad enough, so they're just going to have to deal with it, unfortunately. Leaves a real fuckin' bad taste in my mouth to have to leave them behind like that, but I don't think that they'll be in too much trouble, what with them knowing nothing at all. Well, less trouble than Paul, I mean. Anyway, yeah, I brought Paul here with me, 'cuz I didn't see any other way out for him."

"And then proceeded to dump me in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere, with only Sako here as company," Paul said.

"Quit whining about it, you big baby," Greg stated. "You're handling it pretty well. Somehow."

"Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. I guess the possibility of living in a new world has helped deal with the shock of actually being here."

"So you're the one who helped him catch me?" Sako asked, earning a nod from Greg in response. "Alright, then. I was wondering how someone with no Pokémon was able to knock me out so easily. Where'd he get the Poké Balls from?"

Greg shrugged. "Some dumbass kid who doesn't know when to throw in the fucking towel. I've robbed that kid blind like four times now, and he just keeps coming back. Gotta respect that kind of tenacity. Fear it, too. Twenty bucks says he'll grow up to be a complete fucking badass later on."

"I know better than to bet against you. I'm not doing it again, not after the last time," Paul said.

"Hey, I told you that Kyle was going to lose to that teenager in his sparring match, and I made it perfectly clear what the odds of him actually pulling a victory out of his ass were, so it's your fault for not believing me," Greg said.

"What?" Sako asked, confused.

"I'm also confused," Gaz stated.

Greg waved his arm. "Nothing, just a bet we had. Paul thought our friend Kyle would win in a kickboxing match he had against some teenager, even though Kyle only had like a year's worth of experience and this kid had been participating in the sport since he was ten. Anyway, let's try and focus on the task at hand, shall we?"

"What would that be?" Gaz asked.

"Finishing our fucking drinks!" Greg shouted, earning cheers from Paul and Sako. "Oh, and figuring out what everyone is going to do next," he added.

"That's a good point. What are you planning on doing next, Paul?" Sako asked.

"You know, I'm really not sure. I'm probably going to be in this world for a while, so I should probably find a way to make money so I can, you know, afford to eat," Paul said.

"Well, you've got no job history, no degrees of any kind, including something as simple as a certificate signifying that you completed elementary school, let alone a high school diploma or college degree, no family or friends other than me, your Pokémon, and whoever was generous enough to give you those translators, and there are few jobs available in a city like this," Greg explained.

"You're making it sound like things are bad," Paul said.

"Would you prefer I lie to you and tell you that things are just fuckin' peachy for you?"

"A little."

"Well, too bad. Anyway, things aren't completely hopeless for you."

"Really? Because it doesn't sound that way. It sounds like I'll be living out of a cardboard box in a little while."

"Well, I suppose that's always a possibility, but you could always make a living battling other trainers."

"Really?" Paul asked.

Greg nodded. "Absolutely. It's not expensive to live in Hoenn, play your cards right and you should make more than enough money between each city to be able to rent a room somewhere and buy supplies. And if not, you can always stay in a Pokémon Center for free for one night. They'll even give you food, though it's nasty hospital food a hundred percent of the time. Still, it's better than starving."

"Well, given that my options are somewhat limited, I guess I have no choice," Paul said.

"And hey, while you're at it, you can take the Pokémon League Challenge, too. Do well enough at that and you'll start getting sponsored, and that's where the big money comes from."

"Sounds good to me. How about you two?" Paul asked as he turned towards his Pokémon.

Gaz shrugged. "Whatever. At least I'll get to fight," she said.

"It's better than staying in that fucking forest for the rest of my life," Sako said as she finished off her drink.

Greg brought his hands together. "Excellent. Guess that's that, then. As for me, believe me when I say that I'd love to join you, but currently I'm needed in the Hall of Origins."

"Something big going down?" Paul asked.

"Oh, like you wouldn't believe."

"Mind telling us?"

"Well, since you asked, sure, I can part with some information. Other than the usual bickering and bullshit, nothing much has happened, except for Arceus. That motherfucker got his ass caught, can you believe that shit? Fucking hilarious."

"Wait, so what does that mean? Does he not show up to meetings anymore?" Sako asked.

"Oh, no, he still comes to meetings, he just has to duck out every once in a while, that's all. Still, it's caused a bit of an uproar. Again, I think it's pretty fucking funny. Too bad nobody else does, which is a tragedy, because it's funny on several levels. Can you imagine the sheer trouser-browning terror that other trainers must have to contend with when that human calls out Arceus to fight for him? I swear, just thinking about it puts a big smile on my face."

"Isn't Arceus basically a weaker version of God? How'd he even get caught in the first place?" Paul asked.

Greg shook his head. "Nah. I mean, yeah, Arceus kind of created everything, but he's not exactly an immortal, despite what a lot of people may think. His 'immortality' extends as far as being immune to aging and disease, and that's about it. He can still get hurt and die if he's not careful, which is why he spends most of his time in the Hall of Origins."

"I'm guessing that means that he can also get caught?"

"Yup. He is still a Pokémon, after all, so he's not immune to Poké Balls. Especially Master Balls, which is what the human caught him with."

"How'd the human even get into the Hall of Origins in the first place? Isn't it a little exclusive?" Sako asked.

"This is no ordinary human, I'll tell you that," Greg said. "Arceus got his ass caught by the most powerful trainer in the world, no question about it. This guy has traveled to almost every region and either placed extremely highly in their Pokémon League, or emerged as the Champion before abdicating the title to the runner-up because he can't be assed to stick around and actually do his fucking job of stomping hopeful trainers into the fucking ground and shitting on their dreams. His name's Chris Richardson, and he's without a doubt one of the most talented Pokémon trainers in history. Hell, once you take the fact that he isn't even over twenty-one yet into account, he probably is the most talented trainer in history."

Gaz scoffed. "Please. Anyone can spend a few years training up a team of powerhouses and taking them to a new region, then curbstomping everyone else. It's not that impressive."

"That's the thing, though," Greg began, "he doesn't do that. Whenever he goes to a new region, he drops off his old team at his house and starts a new one. He doesn't even take a starter Pokémon, just a handful of Poké Balls and a map to the nearest route, where he catches his own starter. Guy's fucking unreal. He's literally got hundreds of ultra-powerful Pokémon at his disposal, and he barely uses any of them. "

"That still doesn't explain how he was able to get into the Hall of Origins," Sako said.

"You're right, it doesn't. But it sets up an explanation. You see, for a young man who's as talented as Chris Richardson, it's only natural that he would eventually cross paths with a legendary Pokémon. And cross paths with one he did; a few years ago, he had the good fortune to meet Cresselia."

"And she just gave him access?"

Greg shook his head. "Oh, no. He helped her with a little problem she had been having, one involving a group of Pokémon hunters, and in return for his help, she promised him a favor, to be called in whenever he wanted. He finally cashed that favor for a meeting with Arceus, and then caught him once they were both face-to-face."

"What would he even use Arceus for? You've already established that he's a really good trainer without him," Paul asked.

"It's not like he needs to use Arceus. I think it was more just a way for him to say he did something nobody else has, as if consistently beating the living shit out of everyone else he battles with no matter the competition isn't enough. Maybe he just felt like he needed another cool million dollars in his wallet and sought the notoriety that would bring him more sponsorships. Point is, nobody really knows why he caught Arceus, and he seems to want to keep it that way for as long as possible. More power to him, I say; the more time Arceus spends outside of meetings, the less time he has to chew me out for bailing on this world for years at a time. Believe me when I say I don't need that; I catch enough flak from my parents as it is."

"You've got parents here?" Paul asked.

"Of course. Mom's a Mew, dad's a… well, dad isn't a Mew. He's actually a Lucario."

"How's that work?" Gaz asked.

"Cleaner than you'd think, actually. Mew's the common ancestor of all Pokémon, so a Mew can mate with just about any Pokémon they want, and there's a chance it will come out as a Mew. I've got a whole extended family out there, actually. Good luck finding them, though; they all love to transform and maintain those forms for extended periods of time, so they're practically ghosts."

"If there are a bunch of Mews, then why are you the one that gets to attend all the meetings?" Sako asked.

"Simple: because mom and dad wanted me to, since nobody else in my family was planning on doing it, since they're all lazy assholes, and the reason why they wanted me to do it is because my mom already did it for a long time and figured it was time to pass the title on to someone else, so to speak, and someone had to do it."

"How'd your parents feel about you running away for months at a time?"

"Not too bad, once I explained to them where I was going. Dad's always been a bit distant, which is par for the course for a Lucario. Mom's very understanding, and when I told her I just wanted some time away from all the bullshit, she understood. Also, I told them I'd come back and visit every once in a while, which I did."

"Sounds like it all worked out for you, then," Gaz stated.

"It sure did. Too bad the fun had to end, thanks to my drunk antics and the CIA being a bunch of dicks."

"Speaking of which, what do you plan on doing about the rest of our friends? Don't tell me you're just going to leave them there," Paul said.

"Oh, don't worry about them, I've got it covered," Greg said. "First off, I doubt they've got it as bad as you would. Don't get me wrong, it's probably still a shitty situation, but they've probably at least dodged the bit about enhanced interrogation techniques and having automatic weapons pointed at them. Hell, some of them have probably already been through the questioning process and been set free. Still, I'll do something. Maybe pop in to the FBI headquarters in my true form to bring the CIA's attention to something else for a while, I don't know, we'll see how I'm feeling later."

"Well, at least you're not just going to leave them there. Unlike that time you left me outside Fortree with only an injured Absol I had just met and minimal supplies."

"Oh, come on, are you still bitching about that? Just let it go, man," Greg complained.

"I'm going to keep bitching because it was a shitty thing to do! The least you could have done was give me some way to contact you."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, we should trade Pokénav numbers," Greg said as he pulled his Pokénav out of his pocket. "Give me your Pokénav and I'll plug my number in."

"Is this really necessary? I have my cell phone with me, you know," Paul stated as he handed over the machine to his friend.

Greg chuckled as he typed in the numbers for both Pokénavs. "You might as well trash that thing, it's of no use to you here. For starters, whipping it out is going to get you more than a few odd stares, since nobody's ever seen anything like it before. Second of all, it's useless, because I guarantee that whoever your service provider was back in your world, they're not supported here, so you can't make calls on it." He finished exchanging numbers with his friend and handed back the machine to him.

"Still, I think I'll hang on to it. Who knows, might come in handy one day," Paul said. "Anyway, other than the cell phone service providers, what else is different here?"  
That got a big laugh of Greg. Several of the patrons turned to look at him before returning to their drinks.

"That much, huh?" Paul asked.

"Well, let's just say that if I wanted to go list everything that was different here, we'd be at this table for a long-ass time. How about just a few of the big things?" Greg said.

"Alright, shoot."

"Well, for one, you know the Holocaust? Yeah, that shit never happened. In fact, Hitler never became a politician."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. He got accepted to art school instead and became a very famous artist. So, if you ever visit a gallery and see an authentic Adolf Hitler painting hanging on the wall, don't be too surprised about it. World War Two still happened, though. Other than that, the next big thing is America and Russia. The Cold War? Yeah, that shit didn't happen here. In fact, American and Russia are the best of friends right now. No Cold War also means no arms race, which means no massive proliferation of nukes. Japan still got nuked, but after seeing the destruction they caused, nobody wanted to even think about using them again. Firearms development also kind of stalled around that time, mainly because there aren't many wars that need to be fought. If you were to introduce someone to the concept of a magazine-fed, man-portable, select-fire, intermediate-caliber rifle, they'd look at you like you grew a third eye."

"Fuck, dude. This place sounds like a paradise."

"It is a paradise, at least compared to where you're from. Anyway, that's some of the big stuff, you'll pick up on more as you go along on your journey. That is what you're still planning on doing, right?"

"You make it sound like we weren't just discussing this two minutes ago."

"Just want to make sure that this is what you want to do, is all. Not that you have much of a choice, but still."

"I'll be honest and say that the idea of traveling the world and getting paid to do it always appealed to me, probably because I've spent most of my life behind a desk of some kind. And hey, I'll have some friends to do it with, too," Paul said, as he motioned towards his Pokémon.

"Speaking of which, I've got some advice for you regarding them," Greg said, as a mischievous smile crept across his face.

Paul sighed. "That smile can't mean anything good. Alright, I'll bite. What have you got for me?"

"Oh, nothing. Just that you should probably catch a male Pokémon, since female Pokémon tend to get a bit… _frisky_ , I guess is the term. Unless you plan on dealing with that sort of thing yourself."

"Did you seriously just imply what I think you just implied?" Paul asked, utterly amazed at what his best friend suggested.

"We're right fucking here, you know," Sako said.

"Hey, I'm just spreading some awareness around, here. It's not uncommon for trainers to handle that sort of thing themselves. You can probably guess how."

"I take back what I said earlier," Paul said. "This place isn't a paradise at all, it's the opposite of that. I think I want to go home."

Greg threw up his hands in surrender. "I'm just fucking with you, man. But, in all seriousness, that really isn't that uncommon of a thing to hear about. As a side note, don't ever look for porn on the internet in this world, because there's a good chance you won't like what you find."

"I'll take your word for it," Paul said as he slammed the rest of his drink down his throat to try and cleanse his mind of what he had just heard. He placed the now-empty glass back on the table and reached for another one.

Greg turned towards Sako and Gaz. "Have I mentioned he drinks like a fish?" he said, motioning towards his friend.

"So we've gathered," Sako said.

"How can you guys drink that stuff? It was absolutely vile!" Gaz said.

"Lightweight," Greg taunted. "You done, Paul?"

"Yeah, I'm done," Paul said as he placed the second empty glass back on the table. "You heading out?"

"I'd better, mom's expecting me back home. Nice to see you again, and nice to meet your Pokémon as well, you guys are going to make a great team, so long as you don't get into any fights with Chris Richardson. If you ever need anything, give me a call, and I'll pick up unless I'm in a meeting," Greg stated as he placed some money on the table to pay for the group's drinks.

"Alright. Just out of curiosity, is there anywhere you recommend I go first?"

"Other than to the Pokémon Center to get some sleep? I'd head over to the harbor, find a boat that's heading to Slateport, and hitch a ride. From Slateport you can get to Mauville, which has a gym you can challenge. To the west of Mauville lies Rustboro, which has another gym. Those are some good places to get started if you intend on taking the League challenge. Whatever you do, don't challenge the new gym that Lilycove just opened, because you will get your ass kicked so hard you'll have to open your mouth to take a shit."

"There's a gym in Lilycove?" Paul asked.

"Yup. It just opened a few months ago, which bumps the number of gyms in this region up to nine. You only need eight badges to enter the Pokémon League, so you can substitute a gym out if one's proving too hard for you, although I wouldn't recommend doing that at your current level, since this gym is a fucking bitch. Fairy types, not even once."

"I'll take your advice, then," Paul said as the four of them made their way towards the door. "Anyway, I'll see you around, alright?"

"Yeah, see you around, and good luck in the battling circuit," Greg said as he began walking towards the nearest alleyway. Paul was about to question what he was doing when he saw a small flash of light come from the darkness, and he realized his friend had teleported away.

"Man, I wish I could do that," he muttered. "So, to the Pokémon Center, then?" he asked.

Both of his Pokémon nodded, and the three started looking around for the Pokémon Center. They found it after a few moments, and entered.

"Whoa," Paul said as the door shut behind him.

"What?" Gaz asked.

"It's so… empty," Paul said. "I thought for sure this place would be full."

"Most trainers don't stick around in this city for very long," said the nurse at the counter. "Hello, I'm Nurse Joy. How may I help you?"

"Do you have any rooms available?" Paul asked.

The nurse nodded. "We sure do. Room 101 should be free."

"Thank you," Paul said as he motioned for his Pokémon to follow him.  
Room 101 was the first room on the left. Paul opened the door, and immediately found himself faced with the sight of a completely naked man straddling a Flareon.

"Jesus Christ, what the fucking shit?" Paul shouted as he backed out of the room with his hands covering his eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" the man bellowed as his hands moved to cover his crotch. "Ain't you ever heard of knocking?"

"Ain't you ever heard of not dicking your Pokémon? That's fucking disgusting!" Paul said.

"Fuck you," the man said before slamming the door on Paul and his Pokémon.

"Good work," Sako deadpanned.

Paul glared at her for a bit before facing down the hallway. "Hey, Nurse Joy! Room 101 is occupied! Do you have anything else?" he called.

"Try room 103!" the nurse called back.

"Thanks!" Paul shouted before walking over to the room. He knocked loudly on the door before doing anything else. After not receiving a response, he slowly opened the door and entered.

"Is this one clear? I'd hate to have to see some other shit due to your incompetence," Gaz asked.

"Looks like it," Paul said as he opened the door for his companions. "Looks like there's only one bed, though, so you two will have to share it."

"Wait, what?" Sako asked. "You're not taking the bed?"

Paul shook his head. "You two can have it, I'll sleep on the couch," he said as he gestured towards the piece of furniture in question. "That's when it's time to sleep, though. It's not too late, so if you both want to stay up, we can."

"What would we do?" Gaz asked.

"Well, there's a television in the corner, so we can see what's on. Personally, I'm a little curious what they show on TV in this world, so I'd like to take a quick look. Also, Greg said that they serve food here, and I wouldn't say no to that, even if it is nasty. But first, I was thinking we should get to know each other a little better."

The two Pokémon cast a glance at each other before turning back to their trainer.

"I'll pass," Sako said.

"As will I," Gaz stated.

Paul crossed his arms. "Let's not do this right now, okay? We're all going to be traveling with each other for a while, so we might as well share some information about ourselves. I'll start. Back in my world, I almost got married."

"Whoa, really?" Sako asked.

Paul nodded. "Really. I proposed to her and everything."

"What happened to prevent it?" Gaz asked, taking Paul a little off-guard with how gentle she sounded.

Paul sighed. "She said no. Turns out, she had been cheating on me for a while before I proposed to her. I wouldn't have ever known if Greg hadn't told me. Somehow he got a hold of her phone and brought it to me, then showed me the texts she had been sending to some other guy. For a while I wondered how he even got her phone, but after today, I guess it all makes sense." He let out a sigh and leaned back, then chuckled a bit. "Fuck, it still hurts. I really loved that girl, you know? Until I learned about her second partner, that is. Still, thank God that Greg was watching out for me. Alright, now that I've shared a bit about myself, how about you two?"

Sako cleared her throat, and Paul motioned for her to go ahead. "Well, I wasn't actually born near Fortree. I was born closer to Lilycove, actually. Lived there with my parents for a while before they kicked me out."

"Sounds rough," Paul said.

Sako laughed. "Oh, no, it wasn't like that. My kind don't tend to stick around for very long once we reach maturity. We've just got that natural desire to move along. Gaz should know, I hear that her kind is the same way."

"That true?" Paul asked.

Gaz nodded. "More or less. But I didn't wait for my parents to kick me out, I told them I was leaving and left."

"Any particular reason for that?"

"Other than because I just felt like it was time to go my own way? No, not really."

"I see. How long have you both been living on your own?"

"A few years," Sako answered. "Figured I'd find someone to settle down with in that time, but I guess that will have to wait. Unless you want to-"

"Let's not joke about shit like that after what I just witnessed a few minutes ago," Paul pleaded.

Sako grinned. "Fair enough. Anyway, I never guessed I would be traveling with a human, but I suppose it makes for a nice change of pace. Doesn't hurt that you're actually a decent guy, certainly better than those other assholes who live outside of Fortree."

"Glad to hear that I haven't made you want to disembowel me yet."

"Well, the translator helps a lot with that."

"Oh, no doubt about that. How about you, Gaz? How's it been, traveling with us so far?"

The Grovyle shrugged. "I don't like taking orders," she said. "Especially from a human."

"That's too bad, because we're going to have to work together if we plan on traveling as a group. Don't forget that I told you that you could leave, and you chose to stay in the end. We're a team, Gaz."

The Grass type scoffed. Paul was about to respond before a knock at the door cut him off. Paul rose from his seat to answer it, but Gaz got there first. She opened the door to reveal Nurse Joy standing there with a tray of food.

"Figured you three were hungry," she said as she entered the room and placed the tray on the table.

"Thanks, Nurse Joy," Paul said. "You know, you're a lot nicer than your sister."

"Which one?"

"The one in Fortree."

Joy's face darkened. "Oh. That bitch. I sure _hope_ I'm nicer than her."

"I didn't bring up any bad memories, did I?" Paul asked, concerned.

Nurse Joy smiled at him. "No, nothing like that. She's just always been… well, a bit of a bitch. I think you'll find that the rest of us are much, much nicer than her."

"How many sisters do you have, anyway?" Paul asked.

Joy giggled. "If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Anyway, I really should be getting back to the front desk, so if you need anything, just contact me."

"Okay, thank you," Paul said as she closed the door behind her. Once she was gone, he took a look at the food she had brought.

"It doesn't look that bad from where I'm standing," Sako said.

"We'll see," Paul said as he stared at the soup on the table. It was colored a deep red, with small bits of meat and vegetables floating in it.

Before he started eating he grabbed one of the bowls of Pokémon food and placed it on the ground where Sako could get to it, then slid the other over to Gaz, who took a seat at the table next to it.

"You ever eaten Pokémon food before, Gaz?" Sako asked between mouthfuls.

"Can't say I have," the Grass type answered as she stared at the unappealing brown pellets.

"Well, believe me when I say that looks are deceiving. Just try some."

Gaz hesitated before reaching out and grabbing one of the oversized pellets and putting it in her mouth. Her expression lit up as she chewed, and before long she was going back for more.

"How's yours, Paul?" Sako asked.

"I'll be the first to say that I like this Nurse Joy, but that doesn't mean I have to like her cooking," Paul said as he brought another spoonful of soup to his mouth. "But, for a more direct answer, I guess I'd have to say that I've eaten worse. Like that time my mom made eggplant casserole for dinner when I was a teenager. Good lord, that stuff was disgusting."

"What are your parents like, anyway?" Sako asked.

"They're not around anymore, unfortunately. They both passed away not too long ago. But they were good people, when they were still around. But let's not let that cast a damper on our moods, shall we? What were you guys planning on doing before I showed up and kind of turned your lives upside-down?"

Gaz swallowed her food before responding. "I hadn't given it much thought," she said.

"Same," Sako said. "I figured I'd spend a little while longer in that fucking forest before moving elsewhere. I was thinking Johto. Don't ask me why I wanted to move, I never really put much thought into that part."

"Why Johto?" Paul asked.

"Why not? Better than that damn forest. And at least I'd be able to move around a little more without needing to hitch a ride on a boat. Plus, Kanto is right next to it, so I could always move there if I wanted. Fuck, this is making me want to go to Johto. Paul, can we go there sometime?"

"I don't see why not. But after I've progressed a little farther in the League challenge."

"How well do you think we'll do?"

"Well enough, I suppose. I doubt we'll get very far, but that's because of my own inexperience more than anything. I'd chalk up most of our wins today to me getting lucky."

"You're selling yourself short," Sako stated. "I think we'll do just fine as long as we keep at it. What about you, Gaz?"

The Grass type shrugged again. "I'll do fine. You two, I'm not sure about. Catching some more Pokémon would help."

Sako glared at the Grovyle. She considered responding to her comment, but decided to ignore it. "Speaking of, what kind of Pokémon do you plan on catching, Paul?"

Paul also chose to ignore Gaz's remark, instead shaking his head at his Absol's comment. "Not really, no. A Dragon type would be cool, I guess, but they're kind of rare, aren't they?"

"Wait, how do you know what kinds of Pokémon there are?" Sako questioned. "I thought Pokémon didn't exist where you were from."

"They don't. Not in real life, anyway. Pokémon exist, but only in fiction. It's kind of weird to think about, so I try not to. But if you ever wonder how I know some of the stuff I do about Pokémon, that's why."

"Oh," Sako said. "I guess that makes sense. But it is a little weird."

"Told you," Paul said.

"What's your world like, anyway?" Sako asked. "We heard a little about it back at the bar, but I'd like to know more."

"Imagine this world, but shittier," Paul said as he kept eating his soup.

Sako blinked. "That's it?" she asked.

Paul shrugged. "That's the best way I can describe it. Pokémon aren't real there, so that already means it's worse than this world. That's not even factoring in the constant wars and the fact that everyone's an asshole. Maybe I'm just biased by the fact that my life recently took a turn up Shit's Creek and I wasn't handling it very well, but that's my opinion."

"Yet you plan on going back?" Gaz asked.

Paul shook his head. "I thought about it, but there's nothing there for me other than a few friends, and I'm sure I'll be able to pop in and see them every now and again thanks to Greg. Once this whole business with the CIA blows over, of course. Other than them, I've got nobody there. Both of my parents were only children, so I have no aunts or uncles. I was also an only child, so I have no brothers or sisters. My parents and grandparents are all dead. All I've got waiting for me other than my friends are bills and taxes I have to pay. No, I'd rather see what this world has to offer."

"I see," Sako said as she finished her food.

"Is it the same with you guys?" Paul asked. "Do you plan on seeing your friends and family again?"

"Eventually," Gaz answered simply.

"Same," Sako said. "Well, for my family, anyway; nobody really cared about me in that forest, so fuck them."

"Well, if you ever get the urge to see them again, just tell me and we can make a detour."

"That's kind of you," Sako said.

"Anything for my friends," Paul responded. He swallowed one final spoonful of soup before getting up from the table. "I wonder what's on TV," he said as he reached for the remote.

The group spent a few hours watching TV. Gaz and Sako had never seen one before and were captivated by the images on the screen, while Paul was struck by how similar all the shows were to those he had watched back home. For the most part, they were the same as they would have been back in his world, but they had Pokémon added. After a little while, the novelty wore off, and they all decided to get some sleep.

"Okay, how do we want to do this?" Paul asked as he looked over the bed. "I said I'd take the couch, so unless anyone has any objections, we can keep doing that."

Gaz huffed and approached the bed. Sako glared at her as she climbed under the covers and stretched out.

"Fuck the bed," the Absol declared. "I'll sleep on the floor next to you."

"That's fine with me," Paul said as he grabbed a spare blanket. "You want a sheet or something?"

Sako shook her head. "My fur will keep me warm," she stated.

"Okay, then," Paul said as he laid down on the couch and covered himself with the blanket. The Dark type approached him and laid down at his side, then closed her eyes.

"Goodnight, you two," Paul said as he turned out the light.

 _If this is all just a dream, I don't think I ever want to wake up,_ he thought to himself, just before falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Sunlight edged its way into the room through a crack in the blinds, landing directly on Sako's face. The Absol grumbled as she was awoken by the bright light.

"I swear, if it's not at least nine in the morning, I'm going to tear someone's arm off," she muttered, as she turned to look towards the clock that sat on the nightstand next to the bed that Gaz had claimed the night before. Her eyes narrowed when she saw the time.

"God dammit," she said. 8:47 in the morning was certainly not the time she was used to getting up at.

Her voice was loud enough to get Paul to crack open his eyes. For a moment, he struggled to remember where he was, not recognizing the location. An instant later, all his memories came back to him, and he smiled as he realized that he hadn't been dreaming.

"Guess it was real after all," he said as he rose from his spot on the couch. His back gave several loud pops as he did a few stretches; the couch had not treated him well during the night.

"Good morning, Paul," Sako said.

"Good morning, Sako," Paul asked as he stopped stretching. "Is Gaz up yet?"

Sako shook her head. "Of course not. If I was in a bed like that, I don't think I'd want to get up, either."

"I believe your exact words last night were 'fuck the bed'," Paul stated as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and let out a yawn.

"Yeah, but that was because I didn't want to share it with her," Sako said. "Have I mentioned that I think she's kind of a bitch?" she asked.

"No, you haven't, and let's keep it that way," Paul stated.

"Why? You of all people should agree with me, given how shitty she treats you."

"Give her some time, she'll come around eventually," Paul said. "Though it would certainly help if we knew how to speed up the process. What finally got you to see me as something other than a piece of shit, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Don't know. Getting a translator and being able to actually have a conversation helped a little. Mainly I think it was being able to discuss how fucked up some of the things we came across were. You know, common ground and what not."

"Think she'd go for that?" Paul asked as he motioned towards the sleeping Grass type.

Sako shook her head. "Not really. Then again, she hasn't said much, so I suppose it's always a possibility. I just don't think it's a likely one."

"Fair enough," Paul said. "So, should we wake her up, or-"

"That would be a very bad idea, I think," Sako said. "Like I said, I don't think she'd want to get up from that bed, given how comfy it looks."

"Well, we can't stay here forever while we wait for her to wake up. We need to run some errands, then find ourselves a boat to travel on that's going to Slateport City."

"What kind of errands?" Sako asked.

"I need to pick up some basic supplies. A toothbrush and toothpaste, maybe some more clothes depending on how cheap they are, and definitely some spare food, water, Poké Balls, and medicine."

"Do we have enough money to cover all of that?"

Paul shrugged. "Probably not, but we haven't seen their prices yet. Hopefully they're not too high. And if we can't get it all here, then we'll just have to battle some people or something. Hell, I could probably ask Greg to spare me some cash if we're in a really dire situation, but since I know he'll probably just steal it from someone I'd rather not do that unless we absolutely need to."

"Why don't you just ask him for some supplies?"

"Because he'd probably steal those, too," Paul stated. "Plus, if I wanted someone to steal something, I'd just ask you to do it, since you kind of have experience at that sort of thing."

"Not as much as you think," Sako said. "I'm not much of a pickpocket, but if you see a bag of groceries or something lying out in the open, I'd be happy to see what I can get for you."

Someone knocked at the door, causing Gaz to stir. The Grass type sat up in bed, looking very irritable.

"How nice of you to join us this fine morning," Paul said to her as he got the door.

"Nothing fine about it…" Gaz grumbled as she threw the covers off of herself.

Paul stepped aside, letting the visitor in. Nurse Joy entered the room, carrying some plates of bacon and eggs on a tray.

"Figured you were all hungry," she said as she placed the tray of food on the table and gathered up the plates from the previous night.

"Thanks, Nurse Joy," Paul said. "You've been awfully accommodating to us. How can we thank you?"

Joy smiled at him. "Don't worry about it, I'm just doing my job," she said. "Plus, it's no trouble, since there aren't many guests here at the moment other than you three. Most of them set out earlier this morning in order to challenge the gym. I expect to see them back here in a few hours."

"Is the gym that hard?" Paul asked as he placed Sako's plate of food on the ground for her.

Nurse Joy shook her head. "Oh, yes," she said. "It's one of the hardest gyms in the region. The gym leader is very skilled, and she brought with her Pokémon that aren't native to Hoenn, so trainers here don't know how to deal with them."

"Really? What kind of Pokémon does she have?"

"I haven't really gotten a chance to watch her in action, so I'm not sure, but I do know that she has a Sylveon which is supposed to be a match-ender, since most of the trainers who come in after challenging her can't stop talking about it."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Nurse Joy," Paul said.

Nurse Joy smiled at him before exiting the room, dishes in hand. The trio continued eating as she left.

"What'd she say this stuff was, again?" Sako asked between a mouthful of bacon.

"The meat is bacon, the rest is eggs," Paul said as he swallowed a piece of bacon. It was thin and somewhat rubbery, but better than the soup that Nurse Joy had given him the night before.

"Well, it's fucking good! We've gotta eat this stuff more often."

Gaz nodded in agreement as she ate her food, but otherwise remained silent. Paul frowned. He wanted to find some way to break the ice with her, like he had earlier.

"So, Gaz," he began, getting her attention, "did you teach yourself to fight and use all those moves?"

She stared at him like he had asked a stupid question. In retrospect, he realized, it kind of was a stupid question, since it wasn't like she had been super friendly with any other Pokémon before.

"Not all of them," she said, taking him by surprise. "My father taught me how to use Leaf Blade before I left. I taught myself the rest."

"Oh," Paul said. "I figured you taught yourself how to fight."

"Why? Because you think I'm not good with other Pokémon?" Gaz asked accusingly.

Paul mentally swore at himself. "No, just because you said that you don't like taking orders, so I figured-"

"You figured wrong," the Grass type said simply before returning to her meal.

Paul sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. Out of ideas, he turned to Sako.

"What about you?" he asked, not wanting to leave her out.

She swallowed her food. "I didn't teach myself the basics, but I did learn how to apply them by myself."

"How'd you do that?"

"Let's just say that there's a reason why nobody in that fucking forest likes me very much, and it's only kind of because I'm an Absol."

"They don't like you because you're an Absol?" Paul asked, earning a nod from the Dark type. "Why is that?"

"Some superstition about us spreading disasters," she said. "They're not wrong, since I showed them how much of a disaster I was for them. Assholes."  
And with that, she went back to eating.

Gaz suddenly stood up and pushed her empty plate forward.

"Where are you going?" Paul asked her as she went.

"To get clean," she responded as she reached for a towel hanging on the wall. She headed into the bathroom, and soon enough the sound of rushing water filled the room.

"Pokémon take showers?" Paul asked, confused.

Sako chuckled. "Of course. We've gotta get clean, after all. I obviously can't take a shower, so I usually take baths instead."

"How do you use shampoo?" Paul asked, still very much confused.

"I don't use shampoo, I generally just soak myself in a lake or something, which seems to be good enough. I don't have any hands to use shampoo, anyway."

"I see," Paul said as he finished eating and made his way over to the bed.

"What are you doing?" Sako questioned.

"Cleaning up after her," Paul said as he started to make the bed. "Because I don't think she's going to do it herself. I'd ask for your help, but like you said, you don't have any hands."

Sako laughed. "Finally, a proper excuse for being lazy!" she said.

"As opposed to an improper excuse?" Paul said as he finished making the bed.

"Well, 'I am physically incapable of completing the task you want me to' sounds a bit more convincing than 'I don't want to do that thing you want me to do', don't you think?"

"Point taken," Paul said as he looked at the dishes. "Think Joy would mind if I took care of those for her?"

"Do you even know where they're supposed to go?" Sako asked.

Paul shook his head. "No, but I assume that I'll be looking for a kitchen area of some kind. You want to come?"

"Beats waiting for her to stop taking her sweet time in the bathroom," Sako said as she followed Paul out the door and into the hall.

It didn't take long for the two of them to come across the kitchen area. Paul set the dishes in the sink and turned on the water with the intention of cleaning them so Joy didn't have to. He was done in no time, and placed them in one of the cabinets. His task completed, he headed back to the room, with Sako right next to him.

Paul entered the room and almost immediately had to step back out as the bathroom door opened and nearly struck him in the head. Gaz didn't bother to close the door, leaving him to do it. Sako glared at her as she dropped her towel on the floor and took a seat on the couch. Paul wordlessly bent over and pick up her used towel, then placed it in the nearby hamper.

"So, Gaz, we're going to go to the store and pick up a few things before we start looking for a boat to take us to Slateport. That sound good?" Paul asked.

The Grovyle grunted and rose from her position on the couch, then followed her trainer out of the room. The trio passed Nurse Joy on their way out.

"Thanks for all the help, Nurse Joy," Paul said.

Joy smiled at them. "It was no trouble at all! I'll be seeing you three around," she said.

Paul waved her a goodbye before exiting the Pokémon Center and heading towards the large department store on the other side of town.

"Remember, only get the essentials," he told himself as the three approached.

* * *

"Holy shit!" Paul said as he looked around the store. "Look at all this cool stuff!"

"Sir, this is just the basic floor that can be found at any store," the woman at the cash register said in a bored tone.

"Oh," Paul said. "Well, it's still all cool," he said defensively.

"Can we hurry this up? I'd like to get the boat ride over with," Gaz said.

"Sure thing," Paul said as he gathered an armful of supplies and brought them to the register.

The clerk started to ring him up, maintaining her bored expression the entire time. After a few moments, she was done.

"That'll be three thousand poké," she deadpanned.

Paul fished around in his pockets before finding the appropriate amount, which he handed to the woman. She wordlessly placed the bills in the cash register, then motioned for Paul to take his items. The trainer did so, sliding them all into the bag. He then made his way back to the door.

"What'd you get?" Sako asked.

"Just some medicine, some Poké Balls, a small amount of food, and a toothbrush and toothpaste," Paul said as he approached the door. He opened it, and almost ran right into a woman.

"Hey, watch-" the woman began, before stopping. She stared at Paul in disbelief.

"Oh, fuck," Paul muttered.

"You!" she shrieked.

Paul grimaced. "Hello to you too, Amanda," he said unenthusiastically.

"I haven't forgotten about what happened in Fortree!" she said.

"Too bad for that," Paul said under his breath. "Well, nice to see you again, but I've got a boat to find," he said as he began to walk away.

"Hold it!" Amanda commanded, stopping him in his tracks.

"I suppose you'll want to battle now, right?" he asked.

Amanda narrowed her eyes. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" she asked, accusingly.

"What?" Paul questioned. "I just figured-"

"Well, the answer is no," Amanda said. "I'm just here to pick up some supplies before I challenge the gym in this town, and I can't risk tiring my Pokémon out fighting you first. Not that you'd be much of a challenge."

"Oh yeah, bitch?" Sako asked. "I'll take your sorry-ass team on any day of the weak!" she said.

"You're only digging us a deeper hole," Paul said to her quietly.

Amanda seemed not to register the insult, as she was too busy staring at Sako.

"Where on Earth did a nobody like _you_ ," she spat the last word, "get a universal translator?" Her eyes drifted to Gaz, and widened upon seeing that she also wore one. "What the fuck, you have two? How?" she asked.

"Found 'em," Paul lied. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we really must be going."

He grabbed his Pokémon by their translators and pulled them away from the other trainer, ignoring their protests.

"Run while you still can, Stanton!" Amanda called. "Next time, you'll receive no mercy from me!"

After they were a sufficient distance from the department store, Paul released his two Pokémon, who both glared at him.

"Sorry, I just wanted to get the hell out of there," he said.

"What, can't handle her?" Gaz accused.

"I'd rather not find out until I have a few badges and some more Pokémon," Paul admitted, causing Gaz to laugh.

"You actually sound afraid of her," the Grass type taunted between laughs.

"I am not!" Paul stated, which only made her laugh louder.

"Oh, this is too good," the Grovyle said as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Whatever," Paul grumbled, "let's just find a damn ship and get out of this fucking town."

The three walked over to the harbor on the other side of town and began to ask anyone they could if there was a boat headed for Slateport that was still taking trainers. To their chagrin, there didn't seem to be a boat going to the same town as them.

"Well, that was a bust," Paul said, as he finished talking with what must have been the twentieth boat captain in an hour.

"Maybe we should change our search parameters," Sako said.

"How so?" Paul asked.

"Well, we could try looking for a boat headed to Pacifidlog instead," Sako responded.

"Works for me," Paul said.

Once again, the three began asking around. This time, it didn't take them long to receive the answer they were looking for.

"Yeah, I'm headed to Pacifidlog," the man said. He was dressed like a Navy admiral, complete with epaulettes. Paul wasn't about to tell him how ridiculous he looked to his face, though, especially when there was the possibility that he could take them where they needed to.

"Mind if we tag along?" Paul asked.

The man shook his head. "Not at all, though I'm carrying some other trainers with me, and they may want to battle. The ship's fairly big, so that shouldn't be a problem." He stuck out his hand. "The name's Wolfgang, by the way."

"Paul," Paul said as he shook the man's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You, too," the man said. "Go ahead and get on board, we'll set off in a few minutes."

The group stepped on board the gigantic boat, which was more like a passenger cruise liner minus the expensive amenities and with an extra layer of dust, and made their way to the front of the ship where the other trainers were gathered.

"Nice Pokémon," someone said from Paul's side. He turned and was met by a man similar in age to him, though he was wearing a nice suit and tie compared to Paul's green shirt and jeans.

"Thanks," Paul said. "You a trainer?"

"I sure am," the man said. "I'm Morris. Nice to meet you."

"Paul," Paul said. "Nice to meet you, too."

"If you don't mind me asking, where did you get your Grovyle?" the man asked. "She doesn't seem like she came from the Pokémon lab in Littleroot. Did you buy her from somewhere?"

"Oh, no, I found her in the wild," Paul said. "Same with my Absol."

Morris was intrigued. "Really?" he asked. "You must have really good luck, then; those are both pretty rare Pokémon, your Grovyle especially."

"What am I, chopped liver?" Sako asked.

"Make that extraordinary luck," Morris exclaimed. "You're got a universal translator?"

"Two, actually," Paul said. "My Grovyle is wearing the other one."

Morris whistled. "Damn," he said. "I wish I had your luck. I'm a businessman, and if I had your luck, I'd be a billionaire, like that Charles O'Hanrahan fellow."

"Funny you should mention that," Paul said. "He's actually the one who gave me the translators."

Morris's jaw dropped. "You met Charles O'Hanrahan?" he asked, dumbfounded.

Paul nodded. "Yup. He asked me for help solving a problem he had. Some guy stole his research notes, and since I was the only one nearby, he enlisted me. Once I helped him out, he gave me those translators as a reward."

Morris couldn't help but chuckle. "You know, I've met a lot of people in my life, but you're definitely standing out to me. No offense, but you're a bit of an oddity."

"Believe me, you don't know the half of it," Paul said.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will now be departing for Pacifidlog," Wolfgang said over the loudspeaker. "Hold on to your butts," he added.

"What did he mean by that?" Paul asked.

Morris grinned. "First time riding with Wolfgang, huh? Don't worry, you'll find out soon enough."

"Not exactly helping me relax," Paul said as the ship began to depart. It started off slowly inching its way out of the harbor, and Paul found himself wondering if it was going to take them all week to get to Pacifidlog.

Unfortunately for him, it wasn't to last.

Soon enough, Wolfgang came back over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and gentlemen," he began, "this is where the _real_ ride starts." He broke off with a bout of maniacal laughter before ending the broadcast.

Paul turned back to Morris. "Should I be concerned?" he asked.

"Yes," the other trainer responded.

Paul never got the chance to ask him why. He didn't need to, since Wolfgang soon demonstrated what he meant by suddenly increasing the boat's speed from less than a slow crawl to as fast as it was able to go.

"Jesus Christ!" Paul shouted as he grabbed the nearest railing in order to keep himself from flying backwards. Out of the corner of his eye, he was aware of his two Pokémon doing much of the same, with Sako holding on to a life preserver as best as she could and Gaz grabbing a railing, which was somewhat humorous as the Grass type wasn't tall enough to see over the edge of the ship.

"Of all the boats to ride on, you had to pick this one!" Sako shouted.

"Hey, look at the bright side!" Paul shouted back. "We'll get there quickly!"

Without warning, Gaz suddenly hoisted herself upwards and positioned her head over the railing. Paul didn't need to look in order to know that her bacon and eggs from earlier in the morning was making a brief resurgence.

"You okay, Gaz?" he asked.

The Grass type glared at her trainer. "Fuck y-" was all she got out before she went back to vomiting.

Paul looked down at Sako and saw her laughing silently at the other Pokémon's pain. He cast her a less-than-happy glance before making his way towards Gaz. She spit into the ocean a few more times before turning to meet him.

"The fuck do you want?" she asked angrily.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you seemed kind of sick," Paul said.

"Oh, really? I seemed kind of sick? Gee, I hadn't noticed," the Grass type said sarcastically.

"You don't have to be a bitch about it, he just wanted to check on you," Sako interrupted.

Gaz glared at the Dark type. "Whatever," she said. "Was there something that you wanted from me, or not?"

Paul shook his head. "No, I just-"

"Then leave me alone, unless you want me to throw up on you," Gaz threatened as she turned back towards the ocean. A few moments later, she was back to retching over the side of the boat.

Paul sighed, then moved back towards Morris.

"Problems?" Morris asked him as he approached with a downtrodden expression on his face.

"You could say that," Paul said. "I don't think my Grovyle likes me very much."

"I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you have any idea what it may be?" Morris asked.

Paul shook his head. "No idea. My Absol kind of acted similar to her at first, but she eventually warmed up to me. Am I doing something wrong?"

"It doesn't seem like you are," Morris said. "Everything I've seen you try so far shows that you actually do care about her. Just give her some time, I'm sure she'll come around."

"I sure hope she does," Paul said as he cast a quick glance towards her. "I'd really like for us to be friends; lord knows I have precious few of them here, and I'm sure she's the same way."

"I wish you luck, my friend," Morris said.

"Thanks," Paul responded. "So, what kind of Pokémon do you use?"

"I'm not much of a trainer, but I do have a few team members," Morris said. "I've got my Arcanine, Skarmory, and Ariados with me, and that's pretty much it."

"There a story behind how you found them?" Paul asked.

"Not really," Morris stated. "My parents gave me my Arcanine and my Ariados back when I was a kid. Of course, my Ariados was a Spinarak back then, and my Arcanine was a Growlithe, but that was a while ago, and I got plenty of opportunities to train them. My Skarmory is a new acquisition; I found her back home very recently. Not much of a story behind her, other than she seemed to take a liking to me for some reason. Maybe it was the half of a sandwich I gave her," he said with a laugh. "But what about you? There a story behind your Pokémon?"

"Kind of," Paul said. "I just became a trainer very recently. My best friend helped me catch my Absol, and I caught my Grovyle myself."

A cough caught their attention, and they both looked down to see Sako tapping a claw against the deck of the ship.

"Sorry," Paul said, catching the hint, "I meant that my Absol did most of the work, and I just gave commands and threw the Ball."

Sako looked pleased with that.

"Anyway," Paul continued, "we found my Grovyle thanks to some nice strangers. This teenaged kid beat my ass in a battle and felt so bad about it that he invited me to have lunch with him and his mom. I agreed, and while we were eating, she showed up and caused a little mischief. I went after her, and the rest is history."

"Interesting story," Morris said. "What'd you say their names were, again?"

"The Absol is Sako, and the Grovyle is Gaz."

"I see," Morris said.

The rest of the boat ride continued in the same form as the first part. Paul and Morris spent several hours talking with each other, with Sako occasionally chiming in, and Gaz continuing to puke her guts out over the side of the boat. When the ship finally docked at Pacifidlog in the early afternoon, she was the first one off the boat.

Pacifidlog is, without a doubt, the oddest city in the Hoenn region, which fits the standard theme of each region having at least one city that's weird as shit. Unlike the other cities, which are built upon land, Pacifidlog is partially built upon a giant, artificial coral reef, with the rest being built upon a small island. This makes Pacifidlog a particularly difficult place to live, as there is little food or fresh water available locally, except for fish and water that comes from purifying the ocean water. Surprising nobody, Pacifidlog is home to one of the most lucrative fishing industries and water purification industries in the world because of this. Despite the inherent danger of living in a city built on nothing more than the whims of the ocean, people continue to flock to the city with the belief that they can invest in the two big industries it offers.

Legend has it that on some nights, an island called Mirage Island will appear a few miles away from the town. This island is said to be the home of many rare Pokémon, although it has never been officially discovered, despite the best efforts of teams of world-renowned scientists. Because of this, the common consensus among the people is that those who believe in Mirage Island are batshit bonkers. It has also inspired a popular snipe hunt among sailors: when they want to get rid of a new recruit they don't like, they send him to look for Mirage Island. The island has also inspired many novelty t-shirts, as well as an increase in aggravated assaults against those people who wear those novelty t-shirts. Rightfully so, many people believe.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached our destination. Thank you for sailing with Wolfgang Cruise Lines, and we hope to see you again some day," Wolfgang said, once again breaking off his broadcast with a cackle.

"Oh, sweet land!" Sako said as she stumbled off of the boat and on to the island. She would have been the first off, had Gaz not immediately leaped over the edge as soon as the ship came to a complete stop.

"Is the cruise always like that?" Paul asked.

Morris laughed. "Oh, yes. Actually, I'd go so far as to say that we caught him on one of his gentler days. Usually, it's worse."

"How many times have you sailed with this guy?" Paul asked.

"A few. I'm a businessman, and I've invested in a few properties here in Pacifidlog, so I've got to sail down here every once in a while to check up on them, and Wolfgang happens to be the quickest way to get here."

"You own properties here?" Paul asked.

"Oh, yes."

"What do you own?"

"Let me put it this way," Morris said, "do you like this shipyard?"

"It's alright."

"That's good, because I own it," Morris said with a laugh. "I also own the group of storage units towards the west side of town. Let me tell you, if you're going to invest in any properties in Hoenn, those things are great. They basically print money, they're so lucrative. Anyway, I've got a meeting I've got to get to, but there's one thing I've got to do first."

"What would that be?" Paul asked.

"Challenge you to a battle," Morris said with a glint in his eye. "You up for it?"

"Let me ask my Pokémon," Paul said as he turned to his team. "You guys up for it?"

"Absolutely," Sako said.

"I need to blow off some steam after that boat ride," Gaz said through gritted teeth.

Paul turned back to Morris. "I guess that's that, then," he said. "How much do you want to wager on this match?"

"Money's no object to me," Morris said. "Wager as much or as little as you want, it makes no difference to me. However, if you win, I'll give you a few thousand, just because my brother lives off of a trainer's salary, and I know how unforgiving it can be."

"Whoa," Paul said, completely taken aback by his friend's offer. "Are you sure about that?"

Morris nodded. "Yes, I am. Now let's do this thing." He began backing up to create more space for their Pokémon, reaching for a Ball on his belt as he did so.

"Okay," Paul said as he turned to his team once again. "Now, who wants to-"

Gaz didn't wait for him to finish his question, stepping forward.

"Well, I suppose that's one question answered," Paul said. He watched as Morris sent out his Skarmory. "And that's another one answered," he added.

Gaz didn't wait for a command, sprinting forwards with her blades outstretched. The Steel type took to the air, though she was too slow to avoid taking a hit from the nimble Grass type, who jumped up and sliced at her with one of her leaves.

"Put some distance between you and that Grovyle!" Morris advised. His Skarmory continued her ascent, quickly reaching a height that was impossible for Gaz to get to.

"Now, that's just unfair," Sako stated, echoing Paul's thoughts.

"Gaz, use Mega Drain!" Paul commanded.

To his surprise, Gaz seemed to obey, as a familiar green beam shot out of her hands and connected with the Steel type. Paul knew it wouldn't do big damage, but it was intended to bring the opposing Pokémon down lower more than anything else, though it was not having the desired effect.

"Wing Attack, Ace!" Morris said.

"Skar!" the Steel type, Ace, proclaimed, as she turned around in the air and flew back towards Gaz, wings outstretched.

Gaz proved to be faster than Ace, and jumped out of the way just in time. Unfazed, Ace quickly reversed in the air and came back for another attack. This time, she was able to hit the Grass type, sending her back several feet.

"Gaz!" Paul shouted as he watched his Pokémon take the hit.

"I'm fine!" the Grass type spat as she picked herself up off the ground.

Her opponent once again came back for another pass, but Gaz was prepared, and when Ace flew too close, she dodged out of the way before retaliating with a quick slash of her own. Despite this, Ace was able to keep flying, relatively undamaged.

"She does know that Leaf Blade isn't going to do much, right?" Sako asked. "Tell her to do something else."

"Gaz, you can't keep using Leaf Blade!" Paul shouted. "Try Pursuit."

Gaz shot him a nasty look, and instead did nothing.

"Wow, she really isn't happy taking orders from you," Sako said.

"What are you doing?" Paul asked, exasperated.

"I don't take orders from you!" the Grass type responded. Ace came back around at this time, but Gaz was able to dodge easier than she ever had before.

"Guess she used Agility," Sako observed.

"This isn't going to work, Ace!" Morris said. "Put some distance between you and her, and start hitting her with Flash Cannon!"

"That's not good!" Paul said as he watched the Steel type begin gaining height. Once she had gotten several dozen feet off the ground, she turned around and remained stationary. A ball of light began taking form in her mouth, and not even a second later, she fired it at Gaz.

Gaz saw it coming and was able to jump out of the way, but was not prepared for the second shot, which connected with her as soon as she had her feet back on the ground.

"Excellent shot!" Morris shouted.

"Get up!" Paul said.

Gaz picked herself up off the ground just in time to avoid another blast from the Skarmory. Ace continued launching Flash Cannons at the Grass type, but due to the effects of Agility, Gaz proved too hard to hit.

"Let's stop her from moving around, shall we?" Morris said. "Scatter some Spikes around!"

With a flick of her wings, Ace turned the battlefield into a minefield. The bits of metal landed on the ground, denying Gaz much-needed room to maneuver. The Grass type found herself trapped in the center of the field, unable to move.

"Hit her now!" Morris commanded.

Ace launched another Flash Cannon towards Gaz, this time scoring a direct hit that sent the Grass type skidding across the ground, hitting a good portion of the spikes on the ground as well.

Sako winced. "Fuck, that one looked like it hurt. Glad I'm not the one in there right now."

Paul was about to rush forward and check on her when he noticed her struggle to her feet. She was barely able to stand, but she was still going. She turned towards him and, seeing his concern, shot him an angry look.

"Don't you fucking dare call me back!" she shouted. "I'm finishing this fight!"

"Are you crazy? You can barely stand!" Paul shouted back.

"Fuck you!" she exclaimed. "Call me back now, and I'm leaving your fucking team! Either I win this fight, or you're dragging me to the Pokémon Center!"

Paul stared at her, his face unreadable. After a moment, he let out a heavy sigh.

"Fine," he said.

Sako stared at him, surprised. "Paul, you can't be serious! Just look at her!" she said.

"Believe me, I don't like this one bit, but if it means keeping her around, then fine," Paul said, his voice low.

"You're unbelievable," Sako said. "You and her are both absolutely fucking crazy, especially her. You'd better hope she doesn't herself hurt too badly out there."

Paul nodded grimly as he watched his Pokémon struggle onwards through the small path she had made in the field of Spikes. She was barely able to stand, and every ounce of her energy was devoted to bringing down the enemy Steel type.

Ace was similarly low on energy, though not as badly injured. Her constant use of Flash Cannon was taking its toll, and fatigue was starting to set in.

"Ace, do you think you can get off another Flash Cannon?" Morris asked.

The Steel type shook her head.

"Alright, then finish this battle with another Wing Attack."

The Skarmory soared towards the Grass type as fast as she could. One hit was all it would take to end the battle.

Paul quickly considered his options. Gaz in her current state could dodge one pass, but the second time the Steel type came around, it would be unavoidable. So he gave the one command he could, and hoped she would listen.

"Counter that attack, Gaz! Grab ahold of her and bring her down!" Paul shouted.

"What?" Sako said. "She needs to get out of the way!"

Gaz didn't seem to notice his voice, only focusing on the enemy flying towards her.

"Gaz, I know you don't like taking orders, but trust me on this one!" Paul pleaded.

Gaz gave a barely-audible grunt, which Paul hoped was her recognizing his request. Everyone watched with apprehension as the Steel type came ever closer. Then, just as she was about to connect, Gaz sidestepped, barely avoiding her wingtips, and grabbed her, bringing her down to the ground. The Steel type was flipped on to her back, and gave a cry of alarm.

Gaz wasted no time in climbing on top of the upside-down bird and beginning to strike. Ace was unable to do anything in such an odd position other than cry out as the Grass type attacked her without mercy. Gaz poured all of her remaining energy into slashing at the Steel type, not once being knocked off by her opponent's struggles. The attacks, which would normally do little damage against a Skarmory, were amplified by the Steel type's own fatigue, and Gaz's anger. Soon enough, Ace's struggles stopped as she slipped into unconsciousness.

Gaz climbed off of her opponent and took a few steps forward before she, too, fell victim to exhaustion. Her legs gave out beneath her, and she fell to the ground.

Paul rushed forwards, not caring about the Spikes that embedded themselves in his shoes. His only concern was for the Grovyle that had won him the battle.

"Gaz," he said as he approached, hoping that she wasn't unconscious. "Gaz, are you alright?"

She stirred slightly, but didn't move past that. Paul reached into his bag and pulled out a potion, then began spraying it on her. Her wounds began to close, and she opened her eyes.

"There you are," Paul said. He offered her a hand, which she accepted, to his surprise. He pulled her to her feet. "You were great out there, Gaz," he said.

She didn't give a response. She tried to take step forwards, and almost fell down again, but Paul managed to catch her.

"Whoa, there," he said as he held her up. "Take it easy."

He expected her to begin arguing with him, but she surprised him once again by not objecting at all. Instead, she let him support her as she took a few more steps forward.

"Let's get you to a Pokémon Center," Paul gently said. Once again, there was no objection from the Grass type.

"Your Grovyle okay?" Morris asked as he came up beside the two of them.

"Yeah, she'll be fine, we're just going to the Pokémon Center," Paul said.

"Okay. You can find one down that street over there," Morris said as he pointed forwards towards one of the town's few streets. "I'd head down there with you, but I've got to get to this meeting, so I'll just put Ace in her Ball, for now. Oh, and this is for you," he said as he handed Paul an envelope.

"What's in the envelope?" Paul asked.

"Five thousand poké, plus my Pokénav number. Call me up if you're in town again, we can have another battle."

"Thank you. See you around, Morris."

"Yeah, see you," Morris said as he began walking in the opposite direction. Out of the corner of his eye, Paul saw him check his watch, then begin sprinting towards his destination.

"Gee, thanks for waiting for me," Sako said as she caught up with Paul and Gaz.

"Oh, whoops, sorry," Paul said.

"Whatever, it's no big deal. I can see that you've got to get her to a Pokémon Center, after all," Sako said as she motioned to Gaz. "Speaking of which, that was a fantastic performance out there, Gaz. I can't believe that last move worked. Paul, how did you know to do that?"

Paul shrugged. "I didn't. I just couldn't think of anything else to do, since it didn't look like Gaz could have kept dodging forever."

"That's what… you think…" the Grovyle choked out.

"Now, now, you ought to save your strength, Gaz," Sako said. "That means no talking."

"Fuck you…"

The three continued down the road until they found the Center. This time, there was a bit of a line, most likely as a result of some of the trainers on Wolfgang's ship having to heal their Pokémon after the journey. Curiously, all of them were male.

"Great, just fucking great," Paul said as he looked at the line. It hadn't stretched outside the Pokémon Center, but was almost up to the sliding glass doors. "Sako, do you have a plan to get us to the front?"

Sako opened her mouth to respond.

"That doesn't involve grievous bodily harm to you, myself, or Gaz?"

Sako closed her mouth.

"Actually, never mind, I think I might have an idea," Paul said.

"Oh, really? What have you got?" Sako asked.

"Watch and learn," Paul stated to her as they walked through the doors of the Pokémon Center. He cleared his throat, then began pointing frantically towards Gaz. "Dick-melting bacteria! He's got a dick-melting bacterial infection!"

The trainers in the room exchanged looks with one another, then began sprinting towards the nearest exit. Most of them ended up jumping through the closest window, while a few ran out the front door, and a handful went out the back.

"Nicely done," Sako said as they approached the front desk, which was now line-free. "Good touch calling her a him."

"Well, I just figured that if they wanted to check, they'd find nothing there," Paul said.

The nurse smiled at them as they approached. "Been a long time since I've seen somebody pull something like that. Do you do that at every Pokémon Center you come to?"

"Just the ones with lines," Sako stated.

"You're not mad, are you?" Paul asked.

"Oh, no. It made my day less frantic, so it's not like I can complain. Plus, if they're stupid enough to believe something like that, then it's their own damn fault," the nurse said. "Anyway, I'm Nurse Summer. No relation to Nurse Joy, though you could probably tell by the fact that we look nothing alike."

Paul hadn't even noticed her; he was far too busy trying to keep a straight face while lying to everyone in the building. But she was right, she really didn't look a thing like Nurse Joy. Her most striking feature was her shoulder-length brown hair, as well as her glasses.

"It's impolite to stare," she gently pointed out, catching Paul's attention.

"Sorry," Paul said. He was aware of both of his Pokémon glaring at him. Why, he wasn't sure. "Can you help my Grovyle? She just got out of a hectic battle."

"Sure thing," Summer said. "If you could have her follow me, then I'll lead her to the back room, where our healing machines are."

"That might be a problem, since she can't exactly stand up on her own," Paul said.

Summer frowned. "That bad, huh? Well, I can see why you pulled that stunt back there to get to the front of the line, if that's the case. You can help her get back here and into one of the machines," she said as she stepped away from the front desk and led the three of them to a room.

She opened the door, revealing rows of machines. Some were populated by medium-sized Pokémon, who occupied glass tubes and were floating in a clear liquid of some kind.

"Whoa," Paul said. "What do you do if a Pokémon is too big to fit in those things?"

"That's why we have these," Summer said as she pointed to another machine. There was a tray for Poké Balls on the front, and it looked like they were loaded into the machine, which then healed the Pokémon inside of them. "But for smaller Pokémon, we prefer to use these," she said as she tapped one of the empty tubes.

"I assume you want Gaz to go in there?" Paul asked.

Summer nodded. "That is correct."

"Alright. You up for this, Gaz?" Paul asked.

Gaz didn't say anything. She took a step forwards as Summer opened the door to the machine. Paul helped her inside the machine, making sure to take it slow.

"Put this on over your face," Summer said as she handed an oxygen mask to the Grovyle. "Put that over your face, making sure that it covers your mouth and nose. I'll pump some gas through it that will knock you out."

"Why does she need to be knocked out?" Sako asked.

"For easier healing," Summer said simply.

"I'm not sure I trust this shit, Paul," Sako said.

"It's perfectly safe, I assure you," Summer said.

"Now I'm even less sure I trust this shit."

"Alright, fine, we'll stay for a bit and make sure she's fine," Paul said.

"And to help with that, she'll be wearing this," Summer said as she held up the ends to an electrocardiograph.

"What the fuck is that thing?" Sako asked.

"It's an electrocardiograph. It monitors heart rates. If she goes into cardiac arrest, the machine will project a loud noise so that I can respond in time to save her."

"Is there a big chance of that happening?" Paul asked.

Summer shook her head. "Not really, but it's standard operating procedure. I don't write the rules, I just abide by them." She grabbed the ends to the electrocardiograph and attach them to Gaz's chest, then helped affix the mask to her face. She then closed the door to the machine and pressed a button on the control pad for the machine. Gaz's eyes fluttered before the shut completely.

"I take it she's out cold?" Paul said.

"Of course. Now I fill it with the medicinal liquid and she should be good to go."

Summer pressed another button and the chamber began to fill with a clear liquid. Gaz became completely submerged in it after a few seconds.

"Does that mask also supply her with oxygen?" Sako asked.

"It sure does."

"Damn. And here I was thinking we finally got rid of her."

"Sako," Paul warned, causing her to sigh.

"Just kidding," she said. "But really, why do you care about her so much? All she does is treat you like shit."

"She just needs time to adjust, that's all."

"Keep telling yourself that. I'll just be over here, not getting treated like living trash by the most ungrateful Pokémon in the world."

"If you two are quite finished, I'd like to return to the front desk in case anyone else comes in," Summer said. "You're both free to wait for her to come out of the machine, of course. I'd recommend you do something else, but there isn't shit in this town unless you like fishing, crabbing, and fishing for crabs."

Sako huffed. "Oh, great, this sounds like it will be a great time," she said.

The three headed back to the lobby, where Summer took her place behind the desk and Paul and Sako sat down in the small resting area in the corner. Paul sat in one of the chairs, and Sako laid down at his feet. Thus began their hours of waiting, punctuated by the occasional visitor coming back to pick up their Pokémon.

"God damn, I wish that was us," Sako said as she watched another trainer retrieve their Poké Balls from Summer.

"What kind of Pokémon do you think that guy had?" Paul said. It was part of a game they had created where they each tried to guess what kind of Pokémon each trainer had based on how they looked. It wasn't a very good game, as it was both impossible to verify what they actually had and not a very good way to alleviate the crushing boredom, but it was all they had.

Sako sighed. "I don't know. What do you think he had?"

"I also don't know. I don't really want to play anymore, personally."

"Me neither. Hey, Paul?" Sako said.

"What is it?"

"Why are you not a complete asshole?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because Gaz has done nothing but treat you like complete shit, yet you're taking it all quite well. Why?"

Paul groaned. "Not this question again," he said.

"Come on, it's a good question. And it's not like we've got anything better to do."

"Alright, fine, I guess I can answer that," Paul said. "Truth is, I think she's just having trouble dealing with the fact that she's with us. She doesn't like taking orders from me, that much is clear, but I think she'll come around eventually, she just needs time to adjust. Truth is, there have been times where I just wanted to shout back at her, but it wouldn't really solve anything."

"So you're hoping that she'll stop acting like a bitch if you treat her well?" Sako said. "Even though there's no evidence to support your theory and everything to support my belief that you're wrong and that we should leave her ass here."

"Well, I think you're wrong," Paul stated.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that? I can't believe that, out of all the trainers, I got the one who both came from another dimension or something and is the most stubborn person in the fucking world. I've been with you for one fucking day and I already think you're unbelievable. Can't wait to see what the future holds for us and how else you manage to surprise me. Who knows, maybe you'll actually turn Gaz from a completely unrepentant bitch into someone worthy of respect."

"I might, you never know," Paul said. "Now I have a question for you."

"What is it? Is it some introspective shit like the question I asked?"

"Yes."

"Not my favorite kind of question, but whatever. What is it?"

"If I pet you like a dog, will you enjoy it?"

"Yeah, real introspective," Sako deadpanned.

"Well, will you? Be honest."

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"You really believe that?" Paul asked.

"Of course. Why?"

"Because I've been petting you for the last minute and a half and your leg has been kicking ever since I started."

"What?" Sako said as she turned around. Sure enough, Paul was gently stroking her fur, and sure enough, one of her hind legs was kicking. Her face went red when she noticed.

Paul laughed. "I guess that answers my question. Of course, I've got another one about belly rubs that I expect an answer to as well."

Her face went even redder.

"Your Grovyle should be done," Nurse Summer called as she glanced at the clock.

"Alright, let's go get her," Paul said. Him and Sako rose from their spots and followed Summer into the back room.

The room was empty now, save for Gaz. All the other trainers had come by and picked up their Pokémon earlier, leaving Paul the only one. Him and Sako made their way over to the Grovyle's chamber and watched as Summer drained the fluid from it. A few seconds later, she opened the door.

Gaz began to stir as the door opened. She opened her eyes shortly after, then removed the mask and electrocardiograph ends.

"How are you feeling?" Paul asked.

"Like I just got run over by a truck," Gaz stated bluntly. "Did I really do that badly in my battle?"

"Well, you didn't do great," Sako said, earning her a glare from the Grass type. "Hey, at least you won. I mean, it wasn't a very clean win, since you ended up in one of those pods, but still, it was a win."

"That's enough, Sako," Paul said. "She did just fine, especially against a Skarmory."

"Let's just get out of here," Gaz stated as she began walking towards the front entrance.

Paul turned to Summer. "Thanks for the help," he said.

"And thank you for making my work day easier," Summer responded.

Paul and his team left the Pokémon Center and ventured back into town. It was late in the afternoon, and the streets were sparsely populated.

"Now what?" Sako asked.

"Now we try and find a boat to Slateport," Paul said. "That'll probably be easier said than done, though, since most of those boats have probably already left. Guess we won't know until we get back to the harbor."

The trip to the harbor was quick and was made even quicker by the fact that there weren't any trainers interested in battling on the streets. Unfortunately for the group, it became clear that the reason why there were so few was because they had all already set off for another town, which was made evident by the fact that the harbor was almost empty. There were only a few boats left, and it wasn't clear how many were headed to Slateport.

"Think any of them are headed to Slateport?" Sako asked.

"With our luck, they're all probably headed back to Lilycove," Gaz grunted.

"Where do you think we can find someone who owns one of them?" Paul asked.

The sound of glass breaking answered his question. They looked to their right and saw a man leaning over a now-broken window, passed out. The building the window was attached to appeared to be a bar, and a very rough one. Broken windows and holes in the walls were very common, and garbage was scattered around the front of it. As the three glanced at the building, someone turned on heavy metal from inside of it.

"I think the universe just answered your question," Gaz said.

"Figures," Paul mumbled. "Alright, let's check it out."

Paul and his Pokémon approached the bar and tentatively opened the door. As soon as they did so, the music stopped, and everyone who was having a conversation inside quieted down. They all turned to stare at the new arrivals, and the group found themselves being glared at by dozens of burly sailors.

"Uh, hi," Paul said as he raised a hand in greeting before quickly lowering it. "I was wondering if someone here could take me to Slateport."

The men all glanced at each other before breaking out in laughter. One of them slapped another in the back, which earned him a punch from the one he had slapped, which quickly turned into a fist fight between the two of them.

"Alright, break it up, you two!" the bartender shouted, stopping the fight, which also stopped the laughter.

"So, can anyone help me?" Paul asked.

"See, you've already fucked up," one of the men said. "Normally, we would have been happy to give you a lift, except none of us are headed in that direction, and you broke the rule."

"Which rule did I break?"

"The one where you don't ask us to ferry you around at nightfall," the man responded.

"Should I come back tomorrow, then?"

"It won't make a difference, you've already made a terrible first impression. Nobody left in this town will be taking you anywhere."

"Way to go, Paul," Sako said.

"Well, how can I fix that?" Paul asked.

The man grinned smugly. "I'm glad you asked. You'll have to go through the trial."

"The trial?"

"The trial."

"What is the trial?"

"Drunken arm wrestling."

"What?" Paul asked.

"You heard me," the man said. "Drunken arm wrestling. You get drunk and then arm wrestle one of us. If you win, your reputation will be restored."

"Okay, I can do that," Paul said. "Pass me a beer and we can get started."

The man laughed. "Oh, no. You're not wrestling me, you're wrestling the champion."

"Who's the champion?"

"Big D."

"Great name," Sako said. "Very kid-friendly. I'm sure his mother is very proud."

"She ought to be, since she named him that," the man said.

"His mother named him Big D?"

"She sure did."

"Where is Big D?" Paul asked.

"Right there," the man said as he pointed towards the back of the bar. Paul followed where he was pointing and saw probably the biggest, most muscle-bound man he had ever seen before in his life. He was dressed in long pants and a sleeveless shirt that said 'Hoenn weightlifting champion, six consecutive years' on it. He wore an eye patch over his right eye, and most of his teeth were missing. He was very obviously drunk, since he was passed out in his chair.

"Nice knowing you, Paul," Gaz said with a smirk.

"Hey, Big D," one of the men said as they shook him awake, "you've got another challenger."

Big D's eyes snapped open. With a mighty roar he grabbed a hold of the man who had shaken him awake and threw him through the nearest unbroken window. The man went flying through it and landed outside.

"I suppose now would be a good time to tell you that Big D has never lost a drunken arm wrestling challenge," the man at the front of the bar said.

Paul hesitated. "Can I nominate one of my Pokémon instead of myself? She hits above her weight class," he said.

Gaz punched him in the shoulder. "Idiot!" she said. "I just got out of the hospital and you already want to get me drunk and make me lose an arm?"

"You'd probably do better than I would!" Paul said as he clutched his shoulder. "You brought that Skarmory down just fine, and you were barely able to stand when you did that! Besides, I'm not exactly the strongest guy around!"

"Why can't Sako do it?" Gaz asked.

"Uh, because I've got four legs? What kind of question is that?" Sako asked.

"I'll have to consult with the executive drunken arm wrestling committee," the man at the front of the bar said. He got up from his seat and joined a group of three equally musclebound men back towards Big D's table. As soon as he arrived, all four of the men began shouting and punching each other. The brawl lasted a few minutes, and when it was over, he was the only one left conscious. "The executive drunken arm wrestling committee has convened," he said as he returned to his seat at the front of the bar.

"And?" Paul asked.

"We will allow you to substitute your Pokémon for yourself, should you so desire," the man said. "Is that what you want to do?"

"You up for it, Gaz?" Paul asked.

Gaz sighed heavily. "You know, I really can't believe you," she said.

"Hey, that's exactly what I told him earlier," Sako said.

"I just got out of the Pokémon Center, and yet you want to dump alcohol down my throat and have me arm wrestle the strongest man in Hoenn."

"Will you do it?" Paul asked.

"If we want to get out of this fucking town, then I guess I don't have a choice. I'll give it my best shot," the Grass type said. "But just so we're clear, I'm not going to enjoy this at all, and you also owe me one."

"That's fair enough," Paul said as he turned back to the man. "We've decided that my Grovyle will take my place."

"Excellent," the man said. "Monty, put the music back on! Let's party it up and make sure this Grovyle is good and drunk!"

One of the men turned the heavy metal back on. The others cleared a table for Gaz to sit down at, which she did after some encouragement from everyone. The bartender began passing mugs of beer out to the men, which they handed to Gaz, who tried to drink them as quickly as possible.

"This stuff tastes like shit!" she said as she took a big drink of beer.

"You want to get off this damn island, right?" Sako asked. "Then keep drinking!"

"I hate you assholes so fucking much!" Gaz shouted over the music before trying to pour more alcohol down her throat.

The partying continued for a while. It came to an end once Gaz tried to raise another mug of beer to her mouth and completely missed, dumping it over her shoulder instead.

"Enough!" the bartender called. The music immediately stopped and all the patrons went silent. "She's ready. Bring Big D over."

The men led the gigantic, drunk heavyweight over to Gaz's table where he sat down and placed his arm on the table. Gaz made a few grabs for it and missed every time. Paul reached out and grabbed her hand, then guided it over to Big D's.

"Begin!" the bartender yelled as the two competitors began wrestling for control over the other's arm.

"You can do it, Gaz!" Paul said from his position at her side. He wasn't even sure she understood him, she was so drunk. It didn't seem to make a difference if she did or not, since it rapidly became clear that she wasn't going to win. Big D was just too much for her to handle.

"Excuse me for a second," Sako said as she vanished under the table. A few moments later, Big D scrunched his face up in pain, and his grip loosened enough that Gaz was able to overpower him and slam his hand on the table.

The crowd that had been cheering wildly just a moment earlier went silent again.

"Hey, that Absol hit Big D in the balls!" one of the patrons shouted in protest.

"Yeah, I did," Sako said. "Nobody said I couldn't."

"She's right," the bartender said. "There was never any discussion of the rules regarding nut shots. The rules will have to be amended to include a clause related to the application of force to the crotchal region, but for now, the Grovyle is the winner."

A small murmur went through the crowd. Then one of the crowd members punched another in the back of the head, and everyone started brawling again.

"Congratulations on your victory," the man who had been sitting at the front of the bar said to Paul. "The name's Tom, and it looks like I'll be the one taking you to Slateport, since all these other assholes are too drunk and too busy fighting each other to sail. Follow me, my boat's right outside."

"Let me just get my Grovyle," Paul said as he approached the booth where Gaz and Big D were passed out. He gently shook the Grass type, waking her up.

"Whatchoo want?" she slurred as she slowly opened her eyes.

"It's time to go," Paul said. "You did a good job."

"Thanksh I shupposhe." She tried to stand up and almost fell over, prompting Paul to catch her and put her back on her feet.

"Damn, you look like you got into another scrap with Morris's Skarmory," Sako observed.

"Did I win?" Gaz asked drunkenly.

Paul nodded. "You sure did."

"That'sh great. I'm gonna fall ashleep now," she said as she proceeded to do exactly that.

"Tough luck, Paul," Sako said. "Looks like you're carrying her."

"Why is it that I'm somehow stuck carrying a Pokémon every day?" Paul asked as he slung the Grass type over his shoulder. "At least she's not as heavy as you."

"Hey!"

"Because you're all muscle, obviously, and because you're taller than she is by like a foot," Paul added quickly.

Sako smirked. "That's better. Let's follow Tom and get the hell out of here."

They exited the bar and followed Tom to his ship. It was much smaller than Wolfgang's, as it seemed to be more of a small vishing vessel than a cruise ship. Paul just hoped that Tom took it easier on the throttle than Wolfgang did.

"Everyone get on board," Tom said. "I'd like to set off as soon as possible."

"Sure thing," Paul said. He boarded the ship alongside Sako and gently set the sleeping Gaz down on one of the ship's benches.

"And we're off," Tom said as he disconnected the ship from its tether and floated away from the harbor, taking the group towards their next destination.

"She's gonna be alright, right?" Sako asked, referring to Gaz.

"She'll be fine, she's just going to have a monster of a headache when she wakes up," Paul responded.

"Too bad."

"Don't let her hear you say that, she'll get mad at you. Plus, I think she's earned at least a little bit of respect, since she did just save our asses. Good work on distracting Big D, by the way."

"Not my finest work, but it was good enough," Sako said with a grin. "Anyway, I guess I'll take it easy on her tomorrow, since she will probably have a really bad headache."

"I must confess that I also wanted her to do it because I was hoping that she'd be too miserable tomorrow due to the alcohol to bitch at us."

"That plan will either be amazingly good or amazingly bad. Guess we'll have to just wait and see which one it is."

"Too right," Paul said as the boat continued drifting towards open waters. "Too right."


	5. Chapter 5

"Wake up."

Someone nudged Paul in the side, prompting him to open his eyes and sit up from where he had been laying down. A quick look around revealed it to be Gaz.

"Morning," Paul greeted her. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like shit," the Grovyle said. "Those benches aren't comfortable."

"That's because they ain't meant for sleeping!" Tom called from his position at the wheel.

"How do you feel?" Paul asked as he stood up and stretched out his arms.

"I've got the worst headache of my life and my arm is killing me," Gaz complained.

"Sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah, you can promise never to have me do something like that ever again. I swear I'm never touching alcohol as long as I live."

"That's exactly what I said when I was in college, but that didn't last very long," Paul said. "Where's Sako?"

"Right here," the Absol called as she approached. "I was just watching Tom drive the boat."

"Why?" Gaz asked.

"Because there's fuck all to do until we get to Slateport. Which, as luck would have it, is right behind Paul."

Paul turned around and saw the city in the distance. It looked magnificent to him, which he attributed to the fact that once they docked there, they wouldn't need to go on another boat for a while.

"How much longer, Tom?" Paul asked.

"Not long at all," Tom said.

And so began the waiting game. True to his word, it didn't take Tom very long at all to reach the city and dock in the harbor.

Slateport City is one of Hoenn's economic powerhouses due to its prime location which makes food and water abundant. Like Lilycove, it also became a lucrative port and tourist destination due to its position on the water, though unlike Lilycove, the citizens of Slateport are generally more down-to-earth, friendly, and not massive dickbags.

Slateport is also known for housing the Oceanic Museum, ranked fifth in the famous author Jet Master's list of the most boring places in the world, right behind every postmodern art museum in the world, the Sahara Desert, the bottom of the ocean, Antarctica, and the US Capitol, but ahead of such riveting places as the Soviet Union, Alaska, and Bavaria on every day that isn't Oktoberfest. While citizens of these places generally expressed their discontent with being on the list at all, the good people of Slateport wrote in expressing their surprise that the museum wasn't rated higher on the list.

"Alright, you folks should be good," Tom said as he tethered the boat.

"Thanks for the lift, Tom," Paul said as he and his Pokémon disembarked from the ship.

"Don't mention it. But if you try and pull that shit you pulled last night during the drunken arm wrestling match again, there'll be hell to pay."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that," Paul said.

The group continued towards the center of the city. Trainers filled the streets, though all of them seemed set on heading towards the marketplace set up towards the beach.

"Whoa, is that the beach?" Sako asked as the ocean came back into view.

"It sure is," Paul said.

"I've always wanted to go there. Can we check it out?"

"I don't see why not."

"Shouldn't we get to the next town?" Gaz asked.

"Yeah, but I think we all ought to cut loose after being stuck on boats for so fucking long, don't you?"

"For once, you're talking sense, Paul. I agree, let's check out the beach."

* * *

"Changed my mind, the beach sucks," Sako said after just a few minutes of being there.

"What makes you say that?" Paul asked.

"Because I'm covered in sand and it's uncomfortable. Fuck, it's going to take me ages to get all of this out of my fur."

"I'm quite comfortable," Gaz said smugly.

"Well, you don't have fur."

"That may be, but you know what I do have?"

"What?"

"Tiny hooks on my hands and feet that let me scale walls."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I just figured that if I'm going to gloat I might as well go all-out."

"Yeah, well, two can play at that game. For example, I can kick your ass up and down this fucking beach."

"Is that a threat?" Gaz asked, her voice darkening.

Gaz chuckled evilly. "Do you want it to be?"

"Alright, break it up," Paul said as he shoved his way between them. "There'll be time for that elsewhere, such as in the hospital, where the doctors are readily available and they stock the good painkillers."

"I wouldn't need either of those," Sako gloated.

"Neither would I," Gaz said.

"That's good, because they're not for you. The doctors are there to deal with the constant migraines you two are starting to give me, and the painkillers are there to serve as a way for me to take the edge off a little and relax."

"Wouldn't the painkillers be able to do both of those things?" Gaz questioned.

"Don't start dissecting my joke just because you can't come up with a proper response."

"I don't need a proper response, that joke was just fucking dumb. You must have come up with it yourself."

"Alright, alright," Paul said. "I'm going to go get a soda from the snack shack over there," Paul said as he pointed to the building in question. "I'm assuming you both are coming with me?"

His assumption proved correct, as his Pokémon followed him.

"You know," Paul said as they walked past several groups of trainers, "this town is much better than the last few. Everyone here just seems to want to relax instead of battling."

"Don't push our luck, please," Sako said.

"I'm inclined to agree with her, for the first and probably also the last time," Gaz said. "Bad things happen when you tempt fate."

Paul rolled his eyes. "That's just superstition. There's nothing to support that theory at all."

He said the last word right as he opened the door to the small shack. The building proved to be filled with trainers that couldn't have been older than twelve, all of whom turned and stared at his Pokémon as soon as they came into view.

One of the trainers in back, a young boy, raised a finger and pointed at the three of them accusingly. "Trainer!" he shouted.

Everyone in the room surged forwards, Poké Balls in hand, demanding to battle Paul and his team.

"You see what happens, Paul?" Sako said over the roar of the crowd. "I swear, if you make a quip about how easy it'll be to cleave a path through all these mouth-breathers, I'll cut your balls off in your sleep!"

Paul wisely chose to hold his tongue.

"Well, let's get this over with," Gaz said as she cracked her knuckles and took a step towards the crowd.

* * *

"One soda pop, please," Paul said with a hoarse voice as he approached the counter.

The man at the register gave Paul an odd look as he grabbed the bottle of soda. Paul handed him some money for it, then turned around to survey the damage.

The building was a complete mess. Tables and chairs were overturned and scattered everywhere, and the overhead light fixture had been damaged in the onslaught of battles. Holes and gouge marks marred the walls, and a large hole had been blown in the front wall next to the doors. One of the doors had been blown off its hinges, and the other had scratch marks so deep that sunlight was pouring through them.

Paul was about to take a drink from the bottle when Gaz approached, out of breath and covered in scratches. She took the bottle from him without saying a word, then began to drink from it.

"Oh, well, that's just fine, then," Paul said with a frown. "I didn't want a soda, anyway."

"That's good, because I needed it more than you," Gaz said as she went back for another sip.

"No arguments there, I suppose," Paul said. He took his money back out and handed some more to the man at the register. "One lemonade, please," he said.

The man took the money, then gave Paul a can of lemonade. Paul took the can from him, and popped the tab on it, intending to drink from it. It was at this point that Sako wandered over to the counter, sporting similar shortness of breath and injuries as her Grass type teammate. She leaped up, grabbed the can of lemonade in her jaws, then placed it on the ground without spilling a drop. She then sheared off the top of the can with her horn, and proceeded to lap from the makeshift bowl.

Paul turned back to the man at the register. "Do you think I should even bother?" he asked.

The man shrugged. Paul let out a sigh.

"Just a water, then," he said as he took out his money for a third time. The man took the money and replaced it with an unopened bottle of water. Paul thanked him, then opened the bottle and took a large drink from it.

"So, uh, we going to talk about that battle, or what?" Sako asked as he finished her lemonade.

"There's not much to talk about," Gaz said. "Never in my life have I seen such a large amount of terrible Pokémon in one location. How many fucking Zigzagoons and Wingulls can these assholes fucking catch?"

"Too many," Sako said. "It wasn't even fun, they just all went down after one or two hits. It was more tedious than anything, made even worse by the fact that we had to fight each trainer one at a time. The least they could have done is attack us all in one group, at least then it would have been kind of a challenge."

"People here are too concerned with their bitch-ass fair fights to care about actual tactics," Gaz huffed.

"Hey, I'm not complaining," Paul stated, "I made a few thousand bucks off those little assholes. Where do kids like that even get their money, anyway? Because they certainly didn't earn it from winning battles, that's for damn sure."

"You guys realize that you're gloating about beating up on literal twelve-year-olds, right?" the cashier said.

"I'm pretty sure at least one of those kids was thirteen," Paul pointed out. "And hey, if they're old enough to battle, then they're old enough to lose."

"Okay. What next, you going to go beat up on some retarded kids?"

"I don't know, should we?"

"How could you even consider doing something like that? You guys are a bunch of dicks, you know that?"

"Oh, relax, we're just kidding. We're not actually going to battle against a retarded kid," Paul said. "Unless he wanted us to battle him, in which case it would just be a friendly battle instead of one for money."

"We're not complete monsters, man," Sako said.

"Whatever," the cashier responded. "Anyway, I don't mean to be an asshole, but you guys have got to get the fuck out of here. You're scaring away all my customers."

"We are?"

"No, but I just want you all gone before you completely destroy this place."

"Fair enough," Paul said. "Let's go, guys."

The group stepped out of the ruined building and started to head back towards town.

"What now?" Sako asked.

"Now, we get the hell out of this town," Paul said as he led his team towards the exit to the nearest route.

As the group approached the gate, they found that a crowd had started to form, beginning next to the Pokémon Center and stretching towards the exit.

"Alright, what's this shit about?" Gaz asked, echoing everyone else's thoughts.

"Good question," Paul said. He pushed his way to the front of the crowd, and noticed a line of police officers guarding the entrance. "Excuse me," he said, which caught one of the officer's attention.

"What is it, citizen?" the officer said.

"What's going on? Why is the exit blocked?"

"I don't get paid to interact with the civilian community, you're going to have to ask one of these other officers."

"What the hell are you talking about? You're a police officer, that's exactly what you get paid to do!"

"No, I get paid to slack off on making arrests, make the janitor do my paperwork unless he wants to get deported, and gorge myself on coffee and donuts."

"Alright, fine, I'll ask one of these other police officers," Paul said. He turned towards the officer to the first one's left. "Why is the entrance blocked?"

"Because a group of people have taken over the route and are causing mischief."

"And why aren't you dealing with it, like a police officer should?"

"Look, nobody here actually wants to do their job, alright? We all just signed up for this because the pay is relatively good for almost no work, we all get to carry a gun and wear a badge in order to impress the ladies, we get access to super-powerful Pokémon, and we can write off coffee and donuts as a work expense."

"Well, why not let someone who actually wants to fucking do something about it go and fix your problem for you?"

"Can't do that, sorry," the officer said. "If that person got hurt, we'd be liable, and then we'd be in real trouble."

"Well, I'll be reporting you and everyone else here to your supervisor."

"Go ahead, my supervisor is the guy you just tried talking to."

"Fuck," Paul said. "Well, how long until something actually gets done about this? This is incredibly inconvenient."

"Beats the hell out of me," the man said. "You might as well go to the Pokémon Center and wait there."

"Alright," Paul resigned. "Come on guys, let's go the Pokémon Center."

Paul led his team away from the crowd. Once they were out of earshot, Sako spoke.

"We're sneaking around them, right?"

"Fuck yeah, I'm not going to wait for some asshole to do anything while everyone else sits here fucking jacking off. I figure that there's no way they've got enough volunteers to cover every possible entrance, so what we're going to do is hop the fence somewhere, wander into the woods, then find our way back on to the path once those guys can't see us anymore. Not that they'd do anything other than simulate gunfire at us, but still, we ought to play it safe when the cops are involved."

"For once, you're actually doing something commendable," Gaz commented.

"Thanks, I guess. Let's get going before some of these other assholes get the same idea, only they cock it up and get caught."

* * *

"Well, that was easy," Paul said as the group progressed further into the woods.

Gaz huffed. "Paul, all we did was hop a fence. I'd be concerned if it wasn't easy."

"Alright, alright. Let's just keep going."

The trio continued on through the trees, being wary of any threats nearby. Or rather, Sako and Gaz were.

"Aren't you guys being a little overdramatic?" Paul asked. "I mean, what are the odds that we'll actually come across anyone in these woods?"

"Didn't I just warn you earlier about tempting fate?" Sako asked.

"That's bullshit," Paul said. "What happened earlier was just coincidence."

Right as he finished his statement, the group emerged into a clearing. There was a group of five men dressed in casual clothes there, all of whom had their Pokémon out. Their Pokémon ranged from a Poochyena all the way up to a Manectric, but most of them were closer to the Poochyena. They all turned to stare at the newcomers.

"Uh, hi?" Paul said.

One of the men cracked a wicked smile. "Well, well, well, looks like we're finally gonna see some action, boys," he said.

"I really hope you just mean that you're going to beat me up and take my lunch money," Paul said.

"Oh, we'll do that," the man said. "But we'll be taking your Pokémon as well. Grovyle and Absol? Yeah, we'd get top dollar for those."

"Gaz, don't crack your knuckles, you do it too often," Paul said as he watched her prepare to do exactly that.

"I thought we went over this whole thing about me taking orders," Gaz said as she proceeded to do it anyway. She cracked a smile that was just as wicked as the man who was opposing her. "Tell me, which Pokémon is yours? I want to take them down first."

"Oh, they've even got translators," the man said to Paul. "You must be a very rich trainer. Tell me, how much would your family pay to get you back?"

"Nothing, because I don't have any family. Friends are the same story. I'm worthless to you," Paul said. "So why don't we all just go on our way before anyone gets hurt, yeah?"

The men all began to laugh. After a moment, their Pokémon all joined in.

"Can you guys believe this shit?" one of them said. "Oh, man, I don't think I've ever heard that line before. Let's just get this over with. Poochyena, take care of them."

"This guy can't be serious," Sako stated in disbelief as the tiny Dark type darted towards Gaz. When he came close he leaped towards her, only to be swatted out of the air with ease and slashed across the back with a Leaf Blade, rendering him unconscious.

"Is that the best you idiots can do?" Gaz asked. "The twelve-year-olds at the beach put up a better fight than you faggots. Now, are you going to actually make this worth the energy I'm going to expend, or not?"

The Manectric let out a roar before taking a few steps forward. Gaz cracked another grin.

"That's more like it," she said.

"Hold up," Sako asked. "I'm not letting you hog all of the fun, you bitch." She turned towards the group of men with a smirk. "You boys got anything for me?" she asked.

A Mightyena stepped forward to answer her request.

"Now, that's hardly fair," Paul said. "I mean, you'll need at least three or four Pokémon to take on one of mine."

"Cocky little bastard, aren't you?" one of the men said.

Paul threw up his hands with a smirk. "Hey, I'm just calling it how I see it. By the way, my Pokémon have been cooped up on a boat for a long time, they haven't had a good battle in a while, and they're mad as hell that you're in our way. Just a fair warning."

"I'm gonna wipe that smirk off your face!" one of the men shouted. "Manectric, Thunderbolt!"

The attack came far too late to hit the Grass type. By the time it hit, she had already moved close enough to engage. She showed no mercy once she was in range, slashing at her target as fast as she could, never once missing a strike.

"What the hell? He didn't even tell her to do that!" one of the men exclaimed, causing Paul to smirk once again. For once, Gaz's unwillingness to listen to him was actually benefiting them.

"Sako, dodge that incoming strike," Paul stated as he watched the Mightyena rush forwards.

"Like you need to tell me to do that," the Dark type said as she dodged the Bite that was headed her way.

"Counter with Slash."

Sako avoided another Bite, then cut her opponent across the side with her horn. The Mightyena reeled in pain before snapping at her again, this time with more force than before. Sako barely managed to dodge out of the way, giving him nothing more than a mouthful of her fur.

Gaz, meanwhile, was doing similarly well against her opponent. He lunged forwards, his teeth crackling with electricity. Gaz didn't give him the chance to get a taste of her, instead slashing at him with both hands. He reeled from the hit, and she seized the chance to get another one in before he could react.

"They're undisciplined," Gaz stated to Paul as she leapt away from the target before he had a chance to retaliate. "Both the trainers and their Pokémon."

"I agree," Sako said, as she dodged another Bite from her opponent.

"Sako, hit him with Slash again," Paul said.

Sako did exactly that, though she raked across his body with her claws rather than her horn. Though she was able to score a good hit, the attack left her exposed, something which her attacker was quick to act upon.

"Tackle that Absol!" one of the men called.

The Mightyena proved that it was capable of following orders by ramming into the other Dark type at full force, bringing her down to the ground.

"Now Bite her and don't let go!"

He clamped his jaws down on her leg and refused to let go. Sako winced, but otherwise didn't relax.

"Make him regret doing that," Paul said.

Sako didn't need to be told twice, as she slashed at the Mightyena's underbelly with her three remaining sets of claws. His grip loosened with each hit, and it was only a few moments later that he let go completely. Despite this, Gaz didn't let up. The barrage proved to be too much for the Mightyena, who gave up the fight and collapsed to the ground.

"Pathetic," Sako spat as she glared at the group of men.

"I'm inclined to agree," Gaz said as she slashed at the Electric type one final time, bringing him down to the ground. "And here I was expecting a challenge. How incredibly boring."

"So, how much did your Pokémon cost?" Paul asked the men. "Because it's clear you certainly didn't raise them yourselves. Hell, you didn't even know what moves they had. Unless you did, and were just trying to lose by not calling anything out."

The men who had sent out their Pokémon returned them, then exchanged a quick look with the others. A second later and they had all started to run away.

"They don't really think that will work, do they?" Paul asked. "Gaz, would you mind grabbing one of them?"

"With pleasure," the Grass type said. She ran forwards and tackled the one in the back, then dragged him back to Paul by one leg.

"Now, that was just a stupid move on your part," Paul said.

"Running away?" the man asked.

"No, being the slowest. You don't have to be the fastest, but you can't be the slowest. Now, I've only got one question for you, and that's just what the fuck you thought you were trying to do out here. Sooner or later someone was going to stop you."

"Yeah, well, we had a good run until then, robbing trainers of their money," the man said.

"Did you now?" Paul said as he exchanged looks with his Pokémon, who both seemed to be having the same thought. "You wouldn't happen to have any of it on you, would you? Because more cash is never a bad thing in my line of work."

"Nope."

"Well, we'll come back to that. Now, why don't you tell me who you're working for?"

"I don't follow," the man said.

"Oh, don't play stupid with me, I know how you people work. A big group of criminals like the one you were a part of always has ties with some organization that's even bigger. So cut the bullshit and give me the name of the guy up top."

"There is no organization, it's just our group."

"Yeah, and I'm Chris Richardson."

"Well, it makes no difference," the man said. "You'll get nothing from me."

"Whatever. Gaz, knock this idiot out."

With a quick hit to the head, the man slumped to the ground.

"Well, that was a waste of time," Sako said.

"Not entirely," Paul said as he searched the man and came up with a few thousand poke.

"I mean in terms of information."

"Well, we could have done better with that, yeah, but not everything can go our way."

"Tell me about it," Gaz said. "I was really hoping that Manectric would put up more of a fight. Now I'm disappointed."

"Well, once we get to Mauville, I'm sure we'll find someone who can," Paul said as the three continued their trek through the woods. "Like the gym leader, for instance."

"You're getting my hopes up," Gaz said. "If you turn out to be full of shit then I'm going to be mad."

The three eventually found their way back to the main path, and were forced to endure a very boring trip to Mauville. The entire rest of the way there was completely empty, save for the occasional wild Pokémon, none of which proved to be a match for the two by Paul's side. The rest of the excursion took almost all day, and the sun had long since gone down by the time the group saw the entrance to the city. The entrance, like the exit back in Slateport, was blocked by a ring of police officers who were all facing back towards the city.

"We're here," Paul said, taking a bite out of the protein bar he had started eating a little while ago.

"Fucking finally," Sako said. "Now we can finally get some real food."

"What, beef jerky isn't real enough for you?"

"I'd prefer something a bit more filling, thanks."

"Well, we're going to have to actually get into the town before doing anything, and I'm not about to go through the entrance since that will just alert the cops that it's safe to travel through here again, and the last thing we need is a bunch of assholes coming in to challenge the gym leader tomorrow while we're trying to."

"Good thinking. We going through the woods again?"

"You know it. Let's get going, it's starting to get cold out."

"Pussy," Gaz said as the three took a detour through the woods. A few minutes and a hopped fence later, and they were in the city.

"Wow," Sako said as she took a look around. "Everything is so bright."

Indeed, the city was bright. Every square inch was illuminated by some kind of light, especially the building that was next to the part of the woods they had come out of.

"What building is that?" Gaz asked.

"I think that's the Game Corner," Paul said.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, it's a big, brightly-lit building that has a line stretching around the block outside of it. In addition to everyone leaving wearing expensive-looking clothes, they also have that thousand-yard stare that only people who have just lost a fortune on poker and slots have. Plus, if you take a sniff, you can smell the regret and shame from here."

"Do you have anything like that back in your world?"

"Yes, only in my world, everyone entering and leaving those things is drunk out of their minds and has an eighty percent chance of committing infidelity. I swear, entering one of those places and ordering a drink is the quickest way to set yourself up for a divorce in the history of mankind."

"Humans are weird," Gaz stated simply as she watched the crowd continue to grow.

"Tell me about it. What do you guys want to do now that we're here?"

"How about we get some fucking food? I'm wasting away over here," Sako complained.

"Sure thing," Paul said. "Pokémon Center good enough?"

"Works for me."

"Alright, let's go."

It took a little while trying to find the Pokémon Center. Mauville City was much bigger than it appeared in the games, although it was still nothing compared to Lilycove. The bright lights and crowds of people didn't help matters. It was almost thirty minutes before they finally came across the building.

"That was an ordeal," Paul said as they approached.

"There better not be a fucking line in here," Sako said.

The doors opened, and the three were shocked to find that it was almost empty. A few people occupied some seats in the waiting area, but other than that, there was nobody there.

"Hello, and welcome to the Mauville Pokémon Center. How may I help you?" the nurse behind the counter asked cheerfully. Her pink hair gave away her identity as another Nurse Joy.

"We didn't miss dinner, did we?" Sako asked.

Joy let out a small laugh. "Oh, no, you're just in time. I can bring something by for you if you'd like."

"Does that mean that you've got some rooms available?" Paul asked.

"We certainly do. Room 102, it's down the hall to your right."

"And you're sure nobody's there?" Paul questioned, the incident from the Lilycove Center still fresh in his mind, despite his best efforts to expunge it from memory.

"Yes, I'm quite certain. Almost everyone stays at a hotel instead of the Pokémon Center."

"Okay. 'Cuz it's important, as odd as that sounds," Paul said, causing Gaz to snicker behind him.

"I assure you, it's empty," Joy said with a smile.

"Alright. Thanks, Nurse Joy," Paul said as he led his team to the room. He held his breath as he opened the door, then released it when he saw that it was empty.

"Smooth," Gaz said as she followed him into the room.

Paul was about to respond when a ringing sound from his pocket interrupted him. He fished around for his Pokénav, then searched for the button that let him answer the call. After pressing a few, he found the correct one, and held the machine up to his ear.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Paul, how you been?" a familiar voice asked from the other end.

A grin crossed Paul's face. "What's going on, Greg? Those meetings still a pain in the ass?"

"You fucking know it. What about you, how's your week been going?"

"It's been weird."

"When is it not in this crazy world?"

"Weirder than usual, I mean. Gaz got into an arm wrestling match with a bunch of drunken sailors in order to buy us passage to Slateport."

Greg let out a big laugh. "You must have stopped in Pacifidlog, then. How was that town?"

"I don't know, I didn't get to see much of it. I got into a battle with someone and had to drop Gaz off at the Center, and we decided to wait for her. That was after the craziest fucking boat ride I've ever had. Don't ever hitch a ride with a guy named Wolfgang, unless you really need to get somewhere fast."

"That bad, huh? Well, it's not like I need to sail, what with me being able to teleport and all. You get any badges yet?"

"No, but we're going to try out the Mauville Gym tomorrow and see how far we get," Paul answered.

"Well, best of luck to you. You catch any other Pokémon besides those two?"

"Nope, it's just them for now."

"You might want to consider catching another one, I heard that the Gym Leader for Mauville likes to use three Pokémon, so you'd be at a disadvantage when facing him."

"I'll keep that in mind. Who is the Gym Leader, anyway?"

"It's not Watson, if that's what you're wondering; he retired a few years ago. They replaced him with a guy named Faraday. He's not as good as Watson is, but he can still kick ass when he needs to. He also likes to use exotic Pokémon that aren't native to Hoenn, so be wary of that. He's supposed to have an Elektross that's a match-ender, and he likes to save it for last."

"I'll be careful, don't worry. Has anything interesting happened in those meetings of yours?"

"Nothing interesting ever happens in those fucking things, but thanks for asking. Anyway, I've gotta go, but it's good to know you're still doing alright. Give my regards to your Pokémon, will you? Tell 'em I'm rooting for 'em tomorrow."

"Alright, I'll tell 'em," Paul said. "Talk to you later, Greg."

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later," Greg said, before hanging up.

Paul put his Pokénav in his pocket and turned back towards his Pokémon. "Greg sends his regards," he said.

"How's he doing?" Sako asked as she took a seat next to the table.

"He's doing just fine. Still bored out of his mind by those stupid meetings, but he'll be alright. He recommended I go out and catch another Pokémon for the Gym challenge tomorrow."

Gaz let out a snort at that. "Please. I'll be more than enough to handle anything they can throw at me."

"Confident, aren't we?" Sako said with a smirk.

"Rightfully so. Just because you have no faith in yourself doesn't mean that I shouldn't."

Sako glared at the Grass type but decided to drop the issue before it progressed any further.

"So, did you want to do some training before we leave for the Gym in the morning?" she asked.

"I'd like to, but we should show up early in order to avoid any lines. If we did want to do some training, we'd have to get up even earlier to do it. Personally, I think we'd be better served by getting a lot of sleep instead."

"You're probably right," Sako said.

"I don't need to train," Gaz said.

"Well, at least you're confident," Paul said as someone knocked at the door. "That's probably Joy."

He opened the door and found that he was right. Nurse Joy handed him the tray of food with a smile, then left to go back to the front desk.

"Lasagna?" Paul asked as he set the tray down on the table. "Man, now I really hope Greg was wrong."

He passed out the bowls of Pokémon food to Gaz and Sako, and all three of them began to eat. In just a few minutes they had finished, and Paul went to do the dishes in the kitchen area. When he came back, both of his Pokémon had already fallen asleep, and he elected to join them. Gaz had already taken the bed, so he decided to lay down at the couch. He didn't even bother with a blanket, and after a short while, he too fell asleep.

* * *

"Well, would you look at that," Paul said as they approached the Gym. "No line."

"Well, considering you got us up at five in the morning, there shouldn't be one," Sako said with a yawn. "Did we need to get up so early?"

"If you actually want to challenge the Gym today. Personally, I want to get this over with."

They opened the doors and stepped into the building. The lobby was empty, save for one receptionist who looked as though she couldn't have been more bored if she tried.

"Hello," Paul said as he stepped up to the desk, "I'd like to challenge the Gym Leader."

The receptionist looked up from her magazine. "Take a number," she said in a monotone voice. She pointed to a small dispenser to Paul's right that had slips of paper in it. Paul reached over and pulled one of the slips of paper from it.

"Now what?" he asked.

"Now you take a seat and wait for your number to be called," she answered, once again in a monotone.

Paul did as she told him and took a seat in one of the many chairs scattered around the lobby.

"What number did you get?" Sako asked him.

"Number one," Paul stated as he held up the slip of paper for her to see.

"Number one, the Leader will see you now," the receptionist said over the intercom.

Paul didn't even glance in her direction as he headed through the big double doors next to the counter. The doors led to a large arena, with a yellow-haired man standing in the middle.

"Welcome to the Mauville City Gym," the man said. "I'm Faraday, and I'll be battling you today. We're operating off of the standard set of League rules here."

"Sounds good to me," Paul said. "How many Pokémon am I allowed?"

"In this Gym, you're allowed up to three, since that's how many I'll be using," Faraday told him. "I see you've got two of them with you."

"They're my only ones."

"Only two? Well, I guess I shouldn't be complaining. Are you ready?"

"We're ready," Sako said.

"Whoa, you have translators? Nice. I've been meaning to get a few of them, but they're too damn expensive. Well, let's get to battling."

The two competitors took their places on opposite sides of the arena. Paul was going to ask which of his Pokémon wanted to battle first, but Gaz answered his question for him by stepping forward. Sako didn't protest her choice. Faraday said nothing as he sent out his first Pokémon, an Electabuzz.

"Let the battle commence!" the announcer shouted.

"Thunderpunch, Static!" Faraday commanded.

The Electric type rushed forwards, his right arm pulled back and crackling with electricity. Gaz had already anticipated this and had used Agility before Faraday even gave his first command, and she was able to easily dodge the Electabuzz's attack. Instead of putting some distance between herself and her opponent, Gaz instead went for a quick slash from her Leaf Blades. The Electabuzz reeled from the attack, giving her the opportunity to slash at him again.

"She's to your right! Hit her with Power-Up Punch!" Faraday shouted.

Static went for a blind swing, narrowly missing the lithe Grass type, who was quick to punish him for his mistake. Another slash greeted him as he overextended himself, causing him to step backwards in an effort to get away. Gaz wisely decided to keep her distance from the time being.

"This isn't going to work. Volt Switch!" Faraday said.

"Counter that with Pursuit!" Paul said.

As the Electabuzz fired a ball of electricity at the Grass type, one which she tried to dodge, but was unable to. She took the hit, but as Static tried to retreat back to his trainer, she rushed forward and managed to get a powerful hit off on him, one which sent him sprawling. The Electric type did not rise from his position on the floor.

"Good job, Gaz!" Paul stated.

Faraday returned his Electabuzz to its Ball, then grabbed another. "You handled that one well enough. Now let's see how you handle this!" he said as he sent out his next Pokémon, a Jolteon.

"That's it?" Sako asked.

"Something's up," Paul said.

"Agility, then Thunder Fang!" Faraday shouted.

"Well, I guess we know what's up," Sako said as she watched the Jolteon's jaws light up with electricity.

The Electric type sprinted towards his opponent, moving so fast that he was barely visible. Gaz tried to move out of the way, but he moved faster than her. He bit down hard on her leg and sent electricity coursing through her body. Gaz let out a cry of pain, began to slash at her attacker with Leaf Blade. Before she had a chance to get anything more than a glancing hit on him, he had retreated. Gaz stood there, panting.

"You're going to have to think of something, Paul," Sako advised.

"I know!" Paul said. "Wait a minute, I think I've got it! Didn't she say that she can climb walls?"

"Oh, I see what you're doing."

"Gaz! Climb the walls!" Paul said.

The Grass type gave him a confused look, but to his surprise, she followed his order, leaping towards the nearest wall and climbing up it. She seemed to understand what Paul was trying to do, since the instant she had latched on to a high enough position, she started using Mega Drain against her opponent.

"Good idea, but it's not going to work!" Faraday said. "Thunderbolt!"

Electricity sparked across the Jolteon's fur, building up. A moment later, he fired it at the Grass type. Gaz was forced to jump off the wall in order to avoid it. Seeing that her opponent was open, she rushed forwards, blade outstretched, and managed to get in close enough to land a few hits on him before he retreated.

"Shock Wave!" came the Gym Leader's command.

"Oh, fuck," Paul said. "There's no way she can dodge that!"

Gaz seemed to know that dodging the attack was impossible. Instead, she closed the distance between the two of them, intent on getting a few hits in before being taken down. She managed to do so, slashing at the Jolteon before a bright light filled the area, blinding everyone present. When their vision returned, both of the fighters were lying on the ground, unconscious.

Paul reached for a Poké Ball and returned Gaz to it. Faraday did the same with his Jolteon. Paul turned to Sako, who simply nodded as she took a step into the arena. Faraday threw out another Pokémon, this one being his Elektross.

"Last Pokémon for both of us," the Gym Leader said. "However this ends, it's been a good fight."

"Agreed," Paul said. "Sako, Night Slash!"

Sako ran up to the Electric type, slashing at him with her claws. She got a few strikes off before her opponent managed to grab her. He latched on to her with his mouth, then started to deliver a painful electric shock to her. She let out a yell as electricity danced across her fur.

"Break out of the hold!" Paul shouted.

The Absol managed free one of her legs from the hold started slashing at the Electric type with it. His hold weakened, and a slash from her horn managed to break it completely. She landed as best as she could, though it was clear that she was hurt.

"Can you keep going?" Paul asked her.

"For a little while, but I don't think I can last if he grabs me like that again," she answered.

"Then let's not let him do that. Get in close with a Quick Attack, and dodge his moves with Detect."

"Sure thing, boss," Sako said as she darted towards the Electric type.

The Elektross made a grab for her as she approached, but was too slow to catch her. She got behind him and opened up with a flurry of strikes, not allowing him time to recover.

"Discharge!" Faraday said.

A pulse of electricity came from the Elektross, catching Sako off-guard and making her stumble as it connected. He seized his opportunity and grabbed ahold of her once again, latching on to her with his mouth like before. Sako didn't even have a chance to dodge it using Detect. Paul knew it was over before he even started shocking her.

"Stop!" he shouted as the Electric type began to shock her. "This match is over. You win, Faraday."

"Shame; you were really good," Faraday said as he returned his Elektross.

Paul rushed forwards to see if Sako was okay. She was wounded, but not unconscious.

"You okay?" he asked.

"No," she stated before struggling to her feet. "Feels like I just stuck my tongue in an electrical outlet. Thanks for calling the battle before he shocked me too bad; there was no way I was going to break out of that hold. Sorry, but it wasn't happening."

"Don't worry, you did great," Paul said.

"I agree," Faraday said as he approached. "If I may ask, was this your first Gym battle?"

Paul nodded. "It was."

"Really? You're a natural, then. Well, compared to some of the other guys who walk in here, that is."

"Would it be incorrect to say that you get a lot of twelve-year-olds?" Paul asked.

Faraday laughed. "Like you wouldn't believe. Anyway, I'd suggest you try out Rustboro and Dewford first, since they'd give you some more time to practice. Do that, and I think our battle will go differently the next time you show up. You're a good trainer, but you need to practice a bit more first."

"Thank you, I'll do that," Paul said. "Let's get back to the Pokémon Center," he said to the Absol.

"Oh man, Gaz is gonna be so pissed," she said.

"What should we tell her?"

"Just tell it to her like it is. That Elektross was too fucking tough for me. Tell her that if she hadn't been so God damn quick to volunteer for the first battle, we might have won, since she wouldn't have wasted her energy on that Electabuzz and could have taken on that Elektross instead."

"How about you tell her that part?" Paul asked as they approached the Pokémon Center.

"Alright, fine, I'll do that part. But you've got to tell her we lost."

"Fair enough," Paul said as they entered the building.

"Welcome back," Nurse Joy said.

"I'm gonna need to use some of those pods, I didn't do so well at the Gym today," Paul said.

"Well, we've got plenty available. If you could just have your Absol follow me, I'll take her to one."

"My Grovyle, too," Paul said as he handed the nurse Gaz's Poké Ball. Nurse Joy led Sako into the back room, and Paul took a seat in one of the many chairs in the lobby and waited for his Pokémon to finish resting up.


	6. Chapter 6

Paul let out a sigh as he looked at the clock for what he believed had to have been the hundredth time in the past few hours. In reality it was the hundred and fifty-seventh time, so his estimate was more than a little off, but given how he was barely able to stay awake due to boredom, it was understandable.

"How much longer?" Paul asked.

"You just asked that a little while ago," Nurse Joy said.

"I know, but it's tough waiting for my friends to get out of what basically amounts to surgery."

"My answer is the same it was five minutes ago: not much longer."

"Thanks," Paul said.

"You know, there's stuff you can do in town. Why not go to the Game Corner for a bit?"

"I don't like to gamble. Plus, if it was me in one of those pods and them waiting out here for me, they wouldn't leave this building until they knew I was finished. Well, Gaz might try, but Sako would stop her."

"Fair enough, I suppose."

Paul looked around for anything to do that would prevent him from staring at the clock or bugging Nurse Joy again. His gaze settled on the television, which he had avoided watching because it had mainly been playing nothing but infomercials for the longest time, something that made him want to strangle whoever owned the broadcasting network. For now, the infomercials had ended and were replaced with a news program.

"And we're back with another update on the Champion of Champions, Chris Richardson!" the news anchor said excitedly. "We're here with, of course, Chris Richardson! Chris, what are you planning to do now?" she asked as she handed the microphone to the trainer in question.

When the camera settled on the Champion, Paul was struck by just how young he was. Greg had told him that Chris wasn't even twenty-one yet, but it hadn't really meant anything to him until he had a chance to see the man with his own eyes. Chris stood a few inches shorter than Paul did, with brown eyes and matching hair. He was wearing a thick jacket and pants, both colored black. A thin layer of stubble lined his face, which contrasted with his hair which looked as though it had been freshly cut. Other than his age, he looked unremarkable, which surprised Paul.

"This is the guy who's made every region his bitch?" Paul wondered aloud. "He still looks like a kid."

He watched as Chris took the microphone from the reporter and held it up to his mouth, then began to speak.

"Well, now that I've selected some Pokémon I'd like to train, I'm going to take them out and do exactly that," the man said, in a voice that was slightly lower than what Paul expected to hear from someone of his stature.

"And why the winter gear?" the reporter asked.

"Because we're heading up north for this part of our training," he answered simply.

"Any specifics?"

Chris grinned at that. "Sorry, but that's my secret. Can't have anyone interrupting us, after all. Before anyone gets too concerned, I'll be taking a Fire type with me, so all my Pokémon will be kept warm until it's really time for them to toughen up. I also plan to check in with some friends of mine every couple of days just to let them know I'm okay, but I doubt anything bad will happen to me since I'll also be taking a special Pokémon with me who will help with the training."

"Which Pokémon would that be?" the reporter asked.

"Well, let's just say that everyone made a big deal out of it when they heard that we had teamed up."

"You mean Arceus?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny that the Pokémon I'm taking with me is Arceus, since he asked specifically that I not tell people where he's going. So, as far as you're concerned, it's a secret."

"That's a yes, then," Paul said to nobody in particular.

"Anyway, I'm sorry to have to run out on you all so suddenly, but I've really got to get going if I want to get to Snowpoint on time," Chris said, before realizing his mistake. "Oops," he muttered.

"Smooth," Paul said.

"Well, you heard it here, folks," the reporter began, "look for Chris up near Snowpoint if you're able to."

"Please don't actually do that," Chris asked.

"Anyway, thanks to Chris for joining us for this brief interview. We'll be back shortly with the weather," the reporter said before the show cut to a commercial.

"And just like that, they've lost my interest," Paul said.

He was about to go back to staring at the clock when he remembered that he still had his Pokénav in his pocket. He briefly wondered if Greg was around before deciding to simply give him a call and find out for himself. He dialed the number, then held the device up to his ear. There were a few rings before his friend picked up.

"Paul, is that you?" Greg asked.

"Yeah, it's me. What's up?" Paul responded.

"Nothing much. Arceus is out of the office for a little while, but we're still having these fucking meetings. Can you believe that shit? The boss isn't even showing up any more, yet we're still expected to show up."

"So that was Arceus that Chris was talking about on that news report I was just watching?"

"Probably, yeah. What'd you think of Chris himself?"

"Shorter than I expected. Younger, too."

"Hey, I told you he was young."

"Yeah, I just didn't believe you," Paul said. "He also fucked up massively during his interview and revealed to the whole damn world that he was going up towards Snowpoint."

Greg started to laugh, confusing Paul. After a few seconds, the Mew came back to the phone. "That little bastard," he said with a hint of respect in his voice, still trying to hold back laughter.

"What's going on?" Paul asked.

"He just lied to millions of people on national television. He's not going to Snowpoint, believe me. Arceus told us where they were planning to go, and that's not even close to where they're headed, unless someone decided to move the entire city to the Alaskan wilderness. No doubt his crazy fans and the media are going to head to Snowpoint and freeze their 'nads off looking for him while he gets to train in relative peace and quiet somewhere else far away. Well played on his part. Anyway, enough about that shit, how'd your Gym battle go?"

"We lost," Paul said. "You were right about the Elektross. Gaz was able to take down Faraday's first two Pokémon before fainting, but she was unconscious by the time that Elektross came out so I had to use Sako. Not that Sako's a shitty battler or anything, it's just that she wasn't fast enough to dodge his attacks when he tried to grab her."

"Damn, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you planning on going after him again later?"

"Not for a while, no. I think we're going to head to Rustboro, then Dewford. I'm hoping to catch some more Pokémon along the way that will help."

"That's probably a good plan. Oh yeah, I wanted to tell you that I was going to head back to your world for a bit and see if I can't unfuck our friends over there somehow. I can bring you back some stuff if you need any of it. You want anything?"

Paul thought for a bit. "Yeah, I've got some stuff, but you've got to promise not to steal any of it."

"That complicates things."

"It's all stuff I have in my house so it should be easy to get."

"Then that makes things a little simpler. What did you have in mind?"

"My old GameBoy DS and a copy of Pokémon Emerald, plus my laptop."

That earned a chuckle from his friend. "And what do you plan on doing with that stuff?"

"I'm going to share a little bit of my world with Gaz and Sako, of course," Paul answered.

"I don't know about this, man. You might cause some sort of interdimensional multiverse paradox or some shit by showing them that stuff. Hell, I'm already surprised some dimension-hopping wizard hasn't popped in to lay the fucksmack on me for breaking all known laws of reality."

"Well, if you're too much of a pussy to get it, then…" Paul said.

"Oh, you want to talk about being a pussy, Mr. Not-Allowed-To-Steal-Anything? Well, look in a mirror," Greg responded.

"Alright, fine, you're not a pussy. Can you get the stuff for me?"

"Of course. I mean, I've gotten stuff from your place before, so I know where everything is."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Paul asked.

"It means I've got your missing set of power tools, a couple hundred dollars that used to have a cozy home in your wallet, a tub of chocolate ice cream that was just sitting in your fridge, and that old picture of you when you were nine."

"The one of me at that birthday party? Why the fuck did you take that?"

"Because it's the one thing that can't be replaced," Greg answered simply.

"Damn dude, you put a lot of thought into this. Just for that, you can keep that picture."

"Well, now that you're not torn up about losing it, it's not worth anything to me. Anyway, I'll talk to you later, bro. I'll give you a call once I'm back from our world with your stuff."

"Alright, talk to you later," Paul said as he ended the call. He picked a good moment to do so, as right as he finished putting his Pokénav back in his pocket, Nurse Joy returned with his Pokémon.

"Here you are," she said.

"Thanks, Nurse Joy," Paul said as he rose from his seat to greet them.

Sako looked happy to be out of the machine, while Gaz's expression was unreadable.

"Why are we still in this fucking town?" the Grass type asked. "We ought to get moving now that we've won."

"Funny you should mention that," Paul began.

"Don't tell me that you two lost the battle after all the hard work I put in to it," Gaz said.

"Well, that's exactly what happened," Sako said. "I admit, I fucked up. I underestimated that Elektross and got my ass handed to me. Here's your heartfelt apology: I'm real fucking sorry."

"So, let's go battle him again," Gaz said.

"I've got a better idea," Sako told her. "Let's not do that, because I've had enough electric shocks for one day. I feel like I was used to complete the circuit between two power lines. My only hope is that one day you both learn this pain so I don't have to suffer it alone."

"Very melodramatic," Paul complimented.

"Thanks, I thought of that one while I was having tens of thousands of volts pumped into my body by an oversized electric eel with boundary issues. I've got another one lined up for when I get burned by a snail whose body is hotter than magma, which I'll probably get to use at some point if this journey continues down its current path."

"So where are we headed, if not to the gym?" Gaz questioned.

"I'm glad you asked. I planned on going through the tunnel in Verdanturf Town to Rustboro, then to Dewford, then back to here after going through Slateport for a second time," Paul answered.

"Does that mean more boat riding?" Gaz asked, earning a nod from her trainer. She let out a long, drawn-out groan after seeing his affirmation. Sako did the same next to her.

"I'm glad you're both so excited about the prospect of getting back on the high seas," Paul said.

"Fuck you, I'm in no mood for sarcasm right now," Gaz said as she stormed towards the front doors. "Let's just get going, I'd like to get to Rustboro as fast as possible since this town is unbearable."

* * *

Route 117 has a reputation as being one of the more peaceful routes in the Hoenn region, and as far as Paul was concerned, it was living up to its reputation.

"This is nice," Paul said as his group continued down the path towards Verdanturf Town.

"I guess it's alright," Gaz said. "Can't wait to see what interrupts the peace and quiet. I really do hope that whoever it is puts up a good challenge."

"I'd prefer not having to battle, since I just got out of one of those damn pods and don't want to go back in after only a little while," Sako pointed out.

"That's only a problem if you lose, which I don't intend on doing any time soon."

"Oh, I'm gonna laugh if we get to Rustboro and the Gym Leader uses Fire types."

"You won't have to worry about that, the Leader there uses Rock types," Paul said. "Well, that's assuming she's still the Leader there."

"Damn, and here I was hoping it would be a good fight," Gaz said, somewhat disappointed.

"You never know, she might throw out something that's fucking crazy," Paul said.

The group continued down the route, which managed to remain peaceful for a long time. Wild Pokémon occasionally crossed their path, but were quick to continue on their way after Gaz gave them an angry glare.

"You know I need to catch something, right?" Paul asked as Gaz scared away another Zigzagoon, the third one in two hours.

"If they're not willing to stand their ground, then they're not worth having on the team," Gaz stated. "Besides, none of them are strong enough to travel with us. They'd get chewed up and spit out during their first battle."

"Well, the idea is that you raise them to get stronger so that that doesn't happen," Sako pointed out.

"Sounds like a good way to waste time when you could just catch something that's strong to begin with."

"That's assuming that you can actually find something that's strong to begin with. Unless you know where I can get something like a Garchomp with minimal effort, then we're going to have to settle for something that can be trained."

"Speaking of getting stronger, look up ahead," Paul said.

Down the road was a big, wooden building with a large fence behind it. Pokémon were wandering around inside the fence, and some humans in uniforms were out there training them.

"What's that place?" Sako asked.

"I think that's the Day Care," Paul said. "I'm only operating with the most basic knowledge about them, but I'm pretty sure that's where trainers can drop off their Pokémon and have other people train them."

"That's the laziest fucking thing I've ever heard of," Sako said. "I bet the people who do that are the same types of people who set up a pully system for scratching their ass."

"The man is absolutely correct!" came a voice from the bushes on the side of the road.

"Oh fuck, not this bullshit again," Paul said as an old man jumped out from the bushes. "Look, pal, we just want to get to Verdanturf, alright? We're not interested in battling."

"Speak for yourself," Gaz said. "I'll take the old man on any day of the weak."

"You're not helping," Paul told her.

"Maybe not helping you, but I'm certainly helping myself."

"Which is a problem."

"If you guys are quite finished, I believe this old guy wants to say something," Sako said.

"Hey! Who are you calling old?" the man said. "Anyway, yes, I did want to say something! We're running a special over at the Day Care right now! Drop off two Pokémon for the price of one!"

"That's actually not a bad deal," Paul said.

"What's the catch?" Sako asked.

"There is no catch!" the old man said excitedly.

"I call bullshit, there's always a catch. What is it?"

The old man leaned in close. "Well, it's not much of a catch, but you've got to promise not to tell anyone."

"Alright, I've heard enough," Sako said. "Whatever this catch is, I don't think I want to hear it. Therefore, I'm out." She turned back to Paul and Gaz. "I strongly advise you both come with me before it gets weird."

"It's not too weird! We just videotape the Pokémon doing the horizontal boogie and then sell it to perverts for extra cash! They pay top dollar for that kind of thing!" the man said.

"Looks like we weren't quick enough," Sako said. "Can we get going now?"

"Absolutely," Paul said as he continued walking, quickly leaving the old man in the dust. "Fuck, is the whole world like this? Because if so, then I'm really going to have to reconsider staying here for the rest of my life."

"I don't know, and I don't want to find out. But if you do leave and go back to your world, please take me with you."

"Why? You want to see it?"

"I'm just curious, is all. What's it like not having any Pokémon around?"

"Not as exciting, I'll tell you that much. There's a lot more fighting that goes on between humans, though."

"Well, now I want to go," Gaz said. "I've always wanted to fight a human in hand-to-hand combat, just to see how they compare to me."

"Well, if you did go back to my world and try to fight someone, they'd probably call the police on you or something, so it's not a very good idea."

"Damn. Well, I suppose I could always fight you."

"Not wise," Paul said.

"Why? Because you'd beat me?"

"No, because there wouldn't be any challenge there for you. I've never been in a fight before, so you'd probably win no problem."

"Good to know, in case we ever do get into a fight," Gaz said with pride in her voice.

"If that happens, I'll just send you back into your Poké Ball," Paul said.

"Hey!"

"What? I'd prefer to avoid getting punched in the face, and if that means sending you back in there, then that's what'll happen."

"Killjoy," Gaz said.

"Can you blame me?"

"Yes. Fighting is great! Can you at least tell me what it looks like when humans fight?" Gaz asked.

Paul shrugged. "Why not? I've seen enough videos on the internet to explain that much, at least. Well, for starters, there's a lot of uncoordinated flailing around and kicks to the nuts. Occasionally you'll come across some guys who actually do know how to fight, but for the most part nobody knows what the fuck they're doing."

"What about wars? How are those?"

"The same, except with a lot more shooting and explosions. The weapons people in my world are using are decades ahead of what they've got in this world, for better or for worse. And before you ask who would win in a fight, I can tell you that without question mine would win."

"Oh," Gaz said. "Well, now I want to see what it looks like when humans fight each other."

"Well, you're in luck," Paul said. "Greg went back to my world to help our friends out, and I asked him to get some things for me while he was over there. One of those things is my laptop, and I happen to have some things on it that might give you an idea."

"Well, it looks like you've given me a good reason to stick around," Gaz said.

"Oh, please," Sako said. "If you wanted to leave, you would have left a long time ago. You can drop the whole bitch charade, by the way."

"Who are you calling a bitch?" Gaz asked angrily.

"Who else do you think? I wouldn't be calling you one if there wasn't some truth to it, so why not drop the act? I bet you're a really sweet girl underneath that rough exterior."

"Now, there's a thought," Paul said. "I bet Gaz has a nice, big soft side she's keeping hidden," he said.

Sako let out a laugh. "What, you mean like she likes to wear dresses or some shit?"

"Hey, you never know," Paul said.

Gaz's face went bright red, something that Sako picked up upon.

"Whoa, looks like someone's a little embarrassed," the Absol said. "Don't worry, I'm sure Paul will get you a dress if you ask for one."

"Alright, fun's over!" Gaz said.

"Oh no, I think it's only just begun," Paul said. "Though, you shouldn't be so quick to judge, Sako; after all, I never did get an answer as to whether or not you liked belly rubs."

This time, it was Sako who went bright red, and Gaz who started laughing.

"Are you kidding me? Belly rubs?" the Grass type said between gasps of air.

"I thought you were on my side, Paul!" Sako said angrily.

"I'm on nobody's side, it's my job to remain unbiased and make fun of everybody equally for their eccentricities," Paul said.

"Well, thanks for telling me that now!"

"Look at it this way: if you're ever feeling down, I can rub your belly, and if Gaz is ever feeling down, I can buy her a dress."

"Fuck no!" both Pokémon said at the same time.

"It's not clear if that means you're both just embarrassed about it but still want it, or if you both genuinely loathe the suggestion. Either way, I'll drop it for now," Paul said.

"That's more like it," Sako said. Gaz didn't say anything, but her expression did soften slightly.

The rest of the way to Verdanturf was easy. There were a few trainers, but none of them proved to be much of a challenge, something Gaz was quick to vocalize her disappointment about. By the time the group actually reached the city gates, it was just after noon.

"Anyone else hungry?" Sako asked as they entered the small town.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Gaz said. "Can we get some real food for once, Paul?"

"I don't see why not," Paul said. "After all, we're a few thousand bucks richer after that encounter with those thugs. Well, I guess it's not really a thousand when it's compared to an American dollar, but everything's relative. Let's find a restaurant."

After a few minutes of searching, they were able to come across a small Italian restaurant next to the Pokémon Center. The three were seated next to a group of trainers loudly discussing the various Gyms in the region, though everyone was too focused on their menus to care except for Sako, who was listening intently.

"Order anything you want," Paul said. Seeing a glint in both of his Pokémon's eye, he quickly added, "within reason, which is to say I'm only going to let you order one thing, since I'd prefer we still have some money left over for the next town."

After a few irritated grumbles from the both of them, they all went back to reading. Out of the corner of his eye, Paul was able to get a view of the entrance to the cave leading to Rustboro. He thought nothing of it until he saw a group of men enter it single-file. There was something off about them, but he couldn't put his finger on what. Still, he figured, what was the worst that could happen?

* * *

"So, this is the Rusturf Tunnel?" Paul asked. "I thought it would be more spacious."

"Hold up, motherfucker," Sako said, "we're not even going to talk about that food?"

"What's there to talk about? We established that it was the best food any of us have eaten while on this trip thus far. There's not much to discuss beyond that."

"You know, I bet that food was pretty high in calories," Gaz pointed out. "You guys know what a good way to burn calories is?"

"Gee, what physical activity could Gaz, the battle-happy Grovyle, possibly have suggested?" Sako asked. "Could it possibly be 'jacking off on your couch at home'? Or maybe it's 'run a marathon'. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's absolutely _not_ battling, because that would be a crazy thing to suggest of Gaz, who's normally _so_ very reserved about that kind of thing."

"Are you done?" Gaz asked.

"Well, I can keep going, but I think I'll spare both of you for now since it would be a shame if I ran out of material this early on in our journey."

"Good, because it got old after the first couple of words."

"Let's not do this now," Paul said.

"Why not?" Gaz asked. "We're currently wandering through a tunnel that stretches on for miles. It's a straight shot from here to the exit, which can be easily seen by just fucking looking ahead and seeing the damn exit. There aren't any wild Pokémon that we can find, and there aren't any trainers, either. It's just a straight, boring walk to the other side. Knowing this, I'd say that it's a perfect time to argue and get it out of our systems, unless you've got a better idea."

"As a matter of fact, I do," Paul said.

"Lay it on me, then."

"I spy with my little eye."

Both of his Pokémon let out a collective groan, causing him to snicker.

"What, you guys don't want to do that?" he asked.

"I'll shut the fuck up for the rest of the trip through this fucking tunnel as long as we don't have to play that fucking game, I promise," Gaz said.

"I'm with her on this one," Sako said.

"Alright, then I guess we're getting through here silently," Paul said.

True to everyone's word, the rest of the trip through the tunnel was completely silent. That changed the instant they were out of the tunnel, however.

"Fucking finally," Gaz said once they emerged from the path. "Can we not do that anymore?"

"That depends entirely on whether or not you two plan on arguing anymore," Paul said.

"What, you want us to go this entire journey without arguing once, or else you'll subject us to annoying children's games? Is that what you're implying, Paul?"

"That's not exactly how I would have put it, but that's basically right."

"Well, I think that's stupid. I'd rather be in my Poké Ball than have to do that."

"What Gaz means is that we have a really complex relationship with each other," Sako interrupted.

"How complex are we talking? You guys aren't fucking each other, are you?" Paul asked.

"Be serious, will you? Anyway, banter is an important part of our friendship. Isn't that right, Gaz?"

"I'm not sure if we have what can be considered a friendship. I tolerate you, you tolerate me, and occasionally we verbally roast each other over an open fire. If it means anything, you and Paul are some of the least intolerable people I've ever met," Gaz said. "Don't get me wrong, you're still both completely unbearable for the most part, but I don't want to slit both of your throats in your sleep most of the time, so that's an improvement over most other people."

"See what I mean, Paul?" Sako asked.

"You're right, that is a complex relationship," Paul said.

"What's so complex about unyielding hatred?" Gaz asked.

"We could start with the fact that every noun, verb, and adjective in your last giant-ass paragraph was an act, for one. We _could_ do that, but something tells me that it would just cycle back to you wanting to wear a dress eventually," Sako said.

"I don't want to wear a dress, dammit!" Gaz shouted, her face once again going red.

"Clearly you're never going to admit your desires, so it's going to take some coercing from the two of us," Paul said.

"Fuck you!"

"How about a bet, Gaz? A friendly wager, if you will," Sako said.

"If it involves me wearing a dress, then absolutely not!"

"You'll only have to wear a dress if you lose, that's the beauty of it. The bet is this: I bet that you'll lose against the Rustboro Gym Leader's first Pokémon. If I'm right, then you'll have to wear a dress for a night."

"And if you're wrong?" Gaz asked.

"Then I'll let Paul rub my belly," Sako said. "There, I just thought of something that's thoroughly embarrassing for the both of us. You in?"

Gaz let out a laugh. "You're joking, right? Paul, am I correct in saying that the Gym Leader for Rustboro uses Rock type Pokémon?"

"I can't confirm until we get there and see for ourselves, but to the best of my knowledge, you're correct," Paul said.

Gaz gave Sako a smug look. "You still want to go through with your bet, despite knowing that?" she asked.

"I sure do," Sako said.

"I don't know about this, Sako," Paul said.

"Trust me on this one," Sako told him.

"Alright, I'll take your bet," Gaz said.

"Oh, this is either going to end really well or really badly," Paul said.

"Shut up, pussy."

"There you go with the act again," Sako said, starting another argument between the two of them.

Paul let out a sigh as the two Pokémon shouted at each other. "I just can't win, can I?" he muttered to himself. "I should have let myself get caught by the CIA. At least I wouldn't have to put up with this shit if I did that."

* * *

After the trip from Fortree to Lilycove, every other route seemed easy to Paul. Route 116 was no exception. None of the wild Pokémon were able to stand up to Gaz's death glare, and most of the trainers were much of a threat save for a few who were using Flying type Pokémon. Despite that, Paul and his Pokémon were able to enter Rustboro relatively unscathed and few thousand poké richer.

Rustboro is unique in that it is the one city in Hoenn to have an airport. This means it is also one of the loudest cities in Hoenn, much to the chagrin of almost everyone living there. The airport also means that is the business capital of the region, with almost all of the region's big corporations making their headquarters there, including Charles O'Hanrahan, who insisted that his lab be built there because "the sound of the planes taking off will wake all of the lab workers up better than a cup of coffee ever could" according to him. While there are those who doubt his methods, there are very few who doubt his results, as his lab is one of the most productive in the world, even with the local union attempting to sue him over unsafe noise levels.

"This place looks like a shithole," Gaz said as the group entered the town.

"Don't you ever have anything good to say?" Sako asked. "It must be rough going through life as a cynic unable to see the bright side of anything."

Gaz actually looked somewhat offended by her statement. "Of course I'm able to see the bright side of some things!"

"Name one thing," Sako challenged.

Gaz thought for a bit before retorting with, "Well, there will eventually come a time when Paul has to step out for a bit, and then I'll finally get to kick your ass."  
Before Sako had a chance to respond, Paul interjected. "And until then, you'll both remain relatively civil towards one another, or else I'll put you both back in your Poké Balls, which I'm sure neither one of you wants. Especially you, Gaz, despite what you may say about it."

Gaz let out a small grumble at that, but didn't talk back to him.

"That's what I thought. Anyway, where's the fucking Gym in this town? Let's get this shit over with so we can leave."  
"Not a fan of big cities?" Sako asked.

"Fuck no, I can't stand big cities, and that's not just because I spent pretty much my whole life in a small town."

"Really? Because that sounds like a pretty good reason why."

"It is, but it's not the only reason."

"What other reasons are there?" Sako asked.

"Well, for one, everyone in these cities is an asshole."

At that moment, a young woman dressed in business attire strolled past Paul and his Pokémon. She flashed them all a smile, then said, "Good day! You look like a trainer. Are you here to challenge the Gym? If so, I wish you luck, although you certainly don't look like you need it. Goodbye!" She then continued on, leaving the group dumbstruck.

"You were saying?" Gaz said.

"That proves nothing!" Paul said.

Gaz scoffed. "Sounds to me like you're just a little bitch not willing to leave his comfort zone."

"You do remember how I got here, right? Fuck, this whole journey is the definition of me leaving my comfort zone."

"Maybe you should try leaving your comfort zone of being a bitch, Gaz," Sako said.

"What did I just say?" Paul asked. "Let's all just calm down and search for the Gym."

"Fuck that!" Gaz exclaimed.

"Gaz," Paul said sternly, causing the Grass type to falter.

"Alright, fine," she said with resignation.

"That's more like it," Paul said. "Now, let's all keep our cool until we can get through the Gym. I'm sure finding it won't take that long."

* * *

It took two hours to find the Gym. Rustboro City was constructed more like a maze than an actual city, and the directions Paul received from people generally proved to be too cryptic to be of much help.

"Fucking _finally_ ," Gaz said as the group approached the doors to the Gym. "I swear, if there's a line, I'm going to kill someone."

"If there's a line, I wouldn't stop you," Paul said as they entered the Gym.

Thankfully, there wasn't a line. All three of them breathed a heavy sigh of relief upon seeing that they were the only ones there, aside from the front desk receptionist.

"Oh, a challenger!" the receptionist said excitedly, dropping the magazine she had been reading as the group approached.

Paul looked at her, confused. "Do you not get a lot of challengers these days?" he asked.

The receptionist shook her head. "Not this late in the League tournament, no. Most people have already gotten past this Gym. Or, as is the case this year, failed on this Gym and gone home, resigned to their fates as eternal losers, never to rise above crushing mediocrity. The point is, nobody really cares about the Rustboro Gym these days."

"You're not doing a lot to encourage me," Paul said.

"Oh, sorry," the woman said. "Anyway, go on and head into the back, Roxanne should be ready for you."

"Thank you," Paul said as he did exactly that.

The back of the gym had an arena in the middle of it, with bleachers on each side. The bleachers were completely empty, reinforcing the receptionist's statement that nobody cared about the Rustboro Gym. The group walked over to one end of the arena and waited for the Gym Leader to show up, something which didn't take more than a few minutes.

Roxanne stepped onto the arena, and Paul was hardly able to recognize her from her in-game counterpart. As opposed to her appearance in the games, she was much older, appearing to be just a few years younger than he was. In addition, she was very attractive. Her shoulder-length, brown hair flowed freely down her back, and her tight-fitting clothes served to accent her curvaceous figure.

"Quit drooling over the enemy," Gaz hissed, snapping Paul out of his stupor.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"Are you ready over there?" Roxanne called, prompting Paul to nod.

"You're up, Gaz," he said. The Grass type grinned widely as she stepped further out into the arena.

"Remember our bet," Sako said.

"Oh, I will," Gaz responded.

"A Grovyle, huh? Nice choice," Roxanne commented. "Go, Aerodactyl!" she said as she threw out a Poké Ball.

"Wait, what?" Gaz asked, confused. The Pokémon materialized in front of her, and it was indeed an Aerodactyl.

Sako began laughing uncontrollably.

"I take it you knew that this would happen?" Paul asked.

"Hell yeah," Sako said as she composed herself. "I overheard it from those guys sitting behind me at that restaurant in Verdanturf. They were trainers who lost against Roxanne, and were discussing the finer points of her strategy. According to them, she had an Aerodactyl she liked to send out first. So, knowing this I decided to take a gamble, and it looks like it's paid off."

"Ancientpower!" Roxanne commanded.

The Aerodactly let out a roar as it picked up some of the large stones scattered around the Gym and began to hurl them at Gaz. The Grass type was able to dodge most of them, but took one to the shoulder that sent her back a few feet.

"Agility, Gaz!" Paul said.

The Grovyle relaxed her body, just like her trainer asked. When she moved again a few seconds later, she was moving much faster than before. She took a running start, then leapt at the hovering Flying type, blades outstretched. She managed to slash him across the belly before landing again, then quickly rolled out of the way to avoid the rock that he threw at her in retaliation.

"Two can play at that game!" Roxanne stated. "Agility, then Wing Attack!"

"Shit," Paul said.

The Aerodactyl took a moment to relax, then flew towards Gaz faster than the Grovyle could track him. He hit her with his wings, then quickly came back around for another pass, hitting her again. This continued for a little while until Gaz was finally able to counter his strikes. She managed to grab ahold of one of his wings, then lift herself up onto his back and slash at him. This wasn't to last, as the Aerodactyl was able to shake her off. She landed on her feet, but was unable to move quickly enough to dodge the incoming Ice Fang from him. With his jaws shimmering with ice, the Aerodactyl clamped down on her arm, causing her to scream out in pain.

"Gaz!" Paul shouted.

"Finish her off!" Roxanne said.

With Gaz still in his jaws, the Rock type flew up into the air. Just before hitting the ceiling, he dropped her. While she was falling, he hit her with Wing Attack once more, sending her flying towards the back wall. Just before she was about to hit it, he managed to intercept her, catching her in his jaws. It looked like he was going to bite down on her once again, but instead he gently lowered her to the ground, where she laid motionless.

"Damn, she got her ass kicked," Sako stated as Paul returned the unconscious Grass type to her Ball. "Also, why wasn't that fucking Elektross as considerate to me when I battled him? I fucking wish he let me off that easily. What do you think, Paul?"

"What the fuck, why is the first fucking Gym so fucking hard?" Paul exclaimed.

Sako laughed at that. "Don't worry, I've got a plan for dealing with this. Gaz softened him up a little bit, so it should work."

"If you're sure," Paul said.

"Oh, I'm sure. I'm not about to lose any time soon; I want to see Gaz in that fucking dress. Shit'll be hilarious. Anyway, just kind of let me do my own thing at first, then join in when you feel it's right."

Paul paused. "We're still talking about the battle, right?"

"Oh, fuck you. Just start issuing commands when the time is right."

"Sure thing," Paul said as the Absol stepped into the arena. As she walked forwards, he saw that she was becoming enveloped by a faint, blue light, and he cracked a small grin as he realized what she was going to do.

"Wing Attack!" Roxanne shouted.

The Rock type flew towards Sako, but at the last moment, her gambit paid off. The Detect acted as it was supposed to, enabling her to dodge the incoming attack. She moved out of the way, but as she did so, she latched on to the Aerodactyl with her claws. The additional weight made him off-balance, and given his close proximity to the ground, it was enough to send him crashing down. Sako was upon him in no time, slashing at him as fast as she could. The Flying type was unable to defend himself, and soon succumbed to Sako's assault.

"Not bad," Roxanne said as she returned him. "But how will you handle this?" She sent out her next Pokémon, a Probopass.

"Damn, talk about a Hitler moustache," Paul commented as the Pokémon materialized on the other side of the field.

"Don't worry, I'll trim it down to size," Sako commented.

"Be careful, if I'm remembering correctly, Probopass is part Steel."

"I can handle it," Sako said. "God, you worry too much."

"Flash Cannon!" Roxanne said. The Probopass did as he was told and fired a Flash Cannon at Sako, who was so caught up in talking to Paul that she didn't notice until it hit her. She was dazed, but otherwise alright.

"You were saying?" Paul asked as she picked herself up off the ground.

Sako glared at him before turning back to her opponent. "Hey, ugly! Don't hit me with your purse this time!" she challenged.

The Probopass let out a grunt and began firing off more Flash Cannons towards her. This time she was better prepared, and was able to dodge them all. The Probopass was too slow to get out of the way, and his attempt at fleeing left him wide open for an attack, something which Sako seized upon very quickly. Rather than try Slash, Sako imbued her claws and horn with Dark energy in order to use Night Slash. The Dark type attack was very effective, sending the Steel type reeling.

The Probopass tried to fight back with Earth Power, which sent pillars of rock up out of the ground towards the Absol, but he was simply too slow. No matter how much he tried to attack Sako, she would just move out of the way and re-engage once the attacks cleared. After a few minutes of this, he finally gave up and collapsed to the ground.

"Good job, Sako," Paul said as the Dark type walked back over to him.

"Thanks," she said. "He was just a big pushover. Don't get a Probopass, they're useless."

"Duly noted," Paul said as he approached Roxanne. "So, do I collect my badge from you?" he asked.

"You do," Roxanne said. She fished around in one of her pockets for a bit, then returned with the badge. "Here you are," she said as she offered it to Paul.

"Thank you," Paul said as he accepted the badge. He put it in his pocket and turned to leave.

"Goodbye," Roxanne said.

Paul waved at her, then continued on his way.

"What, that's all?" Sako asked. "I'm surprised you didn't ask her out or something."

"No time, we've got places to be," Paul said.

"Like where?"

"Well, we've got to find the Pokémon Center and drop Gaz off, then I figured we'd go to the store in order to pick up some things."

"Sounds good to me," Sako said.

* * *

It was night time when Paul and Sako returned to the Pokémon Center. When they got there, they found Gaz waiting for them, visibly angry.

"Where the fuck have you both been?" she asked, barely-disguised malice in her voice.

"We went out and bought some things," Paul said. "Sorry. We would have liked to stay here with you, but we really needed to get to the store."

"Yeah," Sako said. "Paul got this new backpack. Show her, Paul."

Paul turned around to reveal that he had indeed gotten a new backpack.

"Oh, well, gee, thanks a lot for fucking caring," Gaz said.

"Hey, if it makes you feel better, you and I can go out and get some stuff the next time Sako's in the pod," Paul offered.

"Whatever," Gaz said. "Let's just head back to the room already."

"You already got a room?"

"Not like I had anything else to do while I waited for you pricks to get back. Room 104."

"And it's empty, right?"

"Are you still hung up on that? Yes, it's empty, I checked myself."

"Then let's head back."

True to Gaz's word, the room was empty.

"Thank fucking God," Paul said as the three of them entered. Seeing Gaz intended to sit down on the couch, he said, "hold up, Gaz."

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Got something for you," Paul said as he threw a dress over to Gaz. The Grass type's face went bright red once she realized what she was holding.

"Y-you can't be serious!" she stammered.

"Hey, a bet's a bet," Paul said.

"I hate you both so fucking much!" Gaz protested.

"Hate us as much as you want, but you're the one who took the bet in the first place, so it's your own damn fault."

"Well, I'm not going to wear it! So now what?"

Paul gave her a stern look. "If you were to do that, I'd have to voice my disappointment," he warned.

"Then do it! See if I care!"

"Alright, you asked for it," Paul said as he took a deep breath. "Gaz," he began, "I'm very disappointed in you."

The Grass type's expression fell. She gave Paul a quick glance before gathering the dress in her arms and retreating into the bathroom with it.

"I'll be out in a minute!" she called as she shut the door. "B-but both of you have to be looking in the other direction until I say you can look!"

"That's just fine," Paul said as he and Sako turned around so they were facing the window. "Whenever you're ready, Gaz."

"O-okay," the Grass type stammered.

Paul and Sako turned around, and their jaws dropped. Gaz was wearing the dress, though if the look on her face and her blush was any indication, she was doing so very reluctantly. The dress was a light blue, which contrasted nicely with her green-colored body. It went as far down as her knees before stopping. Two straps held it up at her shoulders.

"Geez, it actually doesn't look bad on you," Sako said. "Hell, it's actually rather cute."

"Fuck you!" Gaz spat. "When can I take this fucking thing off?"

"In a bit," Paul said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the battery life on it. It had gone days without being turned on, so it still had a bit of a charge left. He switched to the camera function and aimed it at the dress-clad Grovyle.

"What are you doing?" the Grass type questioned.

"Nothing," Paul said as he snapped a few pictures.

"It certainly looks like you're doing something. What is that?"

"My cell phone from my world," Paul said, continuing to take pictures.

"Why do you have it out?"

"Just felt like checking my messages," he responded. Having taken a sufficient number of pictures, he put the phone back in his pocket.

"Whatever. Can I take this fucking thing off now?"

"Sure," Paul said. Before Gaz had a chance to do anything else, he quickly added, "but make sure it stays in one piece, I'd like to return it the next time we go into a store."

Gaz let out a few angry mumbles, but did as she was asked and kept the garment in one piece.

As she was stripping off the dress, there was a knock at the door. Paul opened it and was met by a distraught-looking nurse.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Oh, it's dreadful!" she cried. "Some thugs have taken over the Devon Corporation!"

"The Devon Corporation? The one that's worth a fuckton of money?" Paul asked, earning a nod from the nurse. "How come the police aren't doing anything about it?" he questioned.

"There aren't enough officers on-duty to take on a whole building of thugs! Oh, if only there was a trainer willing to risk their Pokémon to free the people trapped inside!"

"Let me just stop you there," Sako said. "Now, I know what you're trying to pull, and let me just say that it's not going to-"

"We're in," Paul said.

"God fucking dammit. Need I remind you that it's our lives you're risking, not your own?"

"Would you rather we leave those people in there to suffer?" Paul asked her.

"I'd rather not go in there and get my ass kicked, thank you."

"Did that Elektross scramble your brain or something? Usually you're quite willing to rush headlong into a dangerous situation in order to get a good fight."

"Well, since you asked, yes, I think that electricity knocked a few screws loose. But that's irrelevant, this is just common sense speaking. You want us to storm a building owned by a multibillion dollar company, possibly causing grievous destruction to it along the way, all in the name of beating the shit out of a group of common thugs, who may or may not prove to be a challenge…" Sako trailed off at the end.

Paul caught her mistake. "Sounds fun, doesn't it?"

Sako sighed. "Fuck it, let's go rescue some nerds."

* * *

"Is that the Devon Corporation?" Sako asked as they approached one of the larger building in the center of the city.

"I think so," Paul said.

"How can you tell?"

"Well, the crowd of people and news cameras surrounding it makes a compelling argument."

"Or it could be the fact that the fucking building has 'Devon Co.' written on the side of it," Gaz pointed out.

"That too."

"Now, the question is, how do we get inside?" Sako asked.

Paul thought for a bit before responding. "Follow my lead," he said before heading towards the front of the crowd.

"Oh, this ought to be good," Gaz said as she followed him.

Paul looked around for the police officer in charge. He saw a man dressed in a police officer's uniform with a handlebar moustache and ten-gallon hat on, and assumed that was him.

"Are you the officer in charge of this operation?" he asked.

The officer nodded. "Yes, sir. That is me. What do you want?"

"I'm Special Agent Dan Wilson, of the International Police. I have reason to believe that the men inside are a part of an international criminal organization who plan to use the fossil restoration technology owned by Devon to create an army of Pokémon with which they will attack all of the world governments and overthrow them in order to institute a one-world constitutional monarchy. I am asking for your permission to enter the building and apprehend the suspects. Which floor are the hostages being held on?"

The officer scoffed. "Yeah, right. Like I'd believe that story."

Paul narrowed his eyes. "Now, you listen to me. There are men in there, good men, with families, who want nothing more than to go home and see their loved one again, something that all of you lazy jerk-dicks down here are doing nothing to help them achieve. So either you let me in there and save them, or I'm going to let my agency know just how incompetent you guys are. You ever heard of the great layoffs in Kanto a few years back?"

"N-no," the officer said nervously.

Paul laughed. "It was great. My agency shut down a whole department of lazy pricks just like you. Oh, when I let my boss know about the shit that went down here, he's going to have a field day. He'll make the Kanto layoffs look like child's play in comparison."  
"Alright, alright!" the officer said. "You can go through. Just don't get me fired, please. I need this job. The hostages are on the top floor."

"That's more like it," Paul said as he casually strolled towards the building.

Once they were out of earshot, Gaz said, "I can't fucking believe that worked. Just how stupid are these people?"

"We're going to need a plan," Sako said as they entered the building.

"I've got one," Paul said.

"What is it?"

"We wing it and hope we don't cock things up somewhere along the line."

"Sounds good to me."

The three rounded a corner and came face-to-face with a young man. He was wearing casual clothes, but he looked out-of-place given that the rest of the building was under siege. Paul looked at his waist and saw a few Poké Balls hanging on his belt. He quickly put things together and decided to act fast.

"Gaz, get this guy!" he ordered.

Gaz did as she was told and tackled the man. The man cussed loudly as Paul stripped him of his Poké Balls.

"You motherfuckers!" he shouted.

"Cussing will get you nowhere," Paul admonished. "Now, I've got a few questions, and I expect some answers."

"Fuck you!" the man spat.

Paul sighed. "Alright, looks like we're doing this the hard way. Gaz, do me a favor and put the blades to him, medium-style."

"The fuck does that mean?" Gaz asked.

"Just shake him up a little."

"You could have just asked," Gaz pointed out as she extended one of her blades and pressed it against the man's throat. He gulped loudly as she did so.

"Well, now that you're sufficiently frightened, I'd expect you to be in a talking mood," Paul said. "First and foremost, it's painfully obvious that you're all most likely a part of some international criminal organization. Which one is it? Team Aqua? Team Magma?" Paul paused for a bit. "Team Flare?" he added cautiously. "God, even thinking of those guys makes me feel weird. Fucking fashion Nazis."

"You wish I'd tell you something like that!" the man said defiantly.  
Paul shook his head. "Very poor choice of words there. See, the way you said it implies that you actually are a part of a criminal organization."

"I'm not!"

"That's a lie. Tell me who you work for."

"Me, myself, and I!"

"This is going nowhere. Gaz, if you'd be so kind?"

Gaz bashed the man's head against the floor a few times, dazing him. Then she held his head up and placed one of her blades in front of it.

"You've got five seconds to start talking, or else this blade is going underneath your fingernails," she threatened.

"Okay! I don't know who I work for, alright? I've never met the boss! All I know is that some guy paid me and a few of my friends to stir up some trouble over here at around this time!"

"And how many friends do you have with you?" Paul asked.

"Four!"

"Good enough for me. Gaz, put this idiot under."

Gaz smacked the man upside the head, causing him to slump down, unconscious.

"How come she always gets to do shit like that?" Sako asked as the three of them continued towards the stairs.

"You can handle the next one," Paul promised her as they ascended the stairs.

The staircase led to an empty reception area, though the area itself had a few elevators in it. The group entered the nearest one, and Paul pressed the button for the top floor.

"I've never been on an elevator before," Sako said as the doors closed and the elevator began to ascend.

"First time for everything," Paul said.

The group remained silent until the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Gaz leapt out of the elevator, searching intently for any enemies nearby. Paul and Sako casually strolled out, not caring.

"You don't have to be so dramatic," Paul said as Gaz peeked around a corner.

"Shut the fuck up, you're going to give away my position!" Gaz hissed.

"Whatever," Sako said as she rounded the corner Gaz had taken point on. Someone shouted in surprise as she did so, but was quickly cut off by a loud bang. Paul and Gaz exchanged a look with each other before rounding the corner. There they found Sako standing over an unconscious man.

Paul breathed a sigh of relief. "Fuck, you had me worried," he told her.

Sako grinned. "Look on the bright side, I got his wallet," she said as she handed it to Paul, who casually took a few bills from it before placing it next to the man.

"Normally I'd be against doing this kind of thing, but he won't need money where he's going," Paul said as he pocketed the bills. "Now, where's the conference room?"

"The sign on the wall says that way," Gaz said as she pointed to one of the signs on the wall, which directed them down a long hallway.

"Suspenseful," Sako said as they moved towards the conference room.

"Let's keep it down, alright?" Paul said as they reached the doors.

"Fuck that, I'm going loud!" Gaz said as she kicked in the door closest to her and entered the room. Sako followed her, and together they managed to subdue the two men watching over the hostages.

"That seemed easy," Paul said as he entered the room.

"Because none of these dumbasses had their Pokémon out, that's why," Gaz said with contempt. "Seriously, you people are idiots."

"Can we just knock them out already and move on with our lives?" Sako asked.

Paul nodded, and his Pokémon proceeded to do exactly that. Sako reached for their wallets, but Paul ended that with a quick shake of the head. She shot him a questioning glance, and he simply motioned towards the hostages, who were eyeing them all intently.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" Gaz asked. "We just rescued you! Go home already."

The hostages didn't need to be told twice. They began to file out of the room. One of the men, who was dressed in a nice suit, accidentally bumped into Paul, sending both of them falling to the ground.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" the man said, before pausing. Paul wondered what had given him pause before looking over and seeing that the man was holding his cell phone.

"Hey, that's mine," Paul said.

"What is it?" the man said.

"It's a… uh… I don't know," Paul said, thinking quickly.

"Smooth," Sako said.

"Where on Earth did you get something like this?" the man asked.

"Found it," Paul lied.

"Well, it's simply magnificent! I've never seen anything quite like it! I simply must have it!" the man said as he began to mess with the phone. He tapped something on the screen, and his smile faltered. After a few seconds, he turned back to Paul. "Not that it's any of my concern, but why do you have pictures of a Grovyle in a dress?"

"Paul, you fucking asshole!" Gaz shouted.

Paul threw up his hands in surrender. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about," he said weakly.

Gaz was fuming with anger. "I knew I shouldn't have fucking trusted you! God, I hate you so fucking much right now! Fucking _fuck_! I can't believe you went and did something like that!"

"I'm just so confused," the man said. "Is this some kind of weird fetish thing I've never heard of?"

"I can assure you of two things," Sako said, "the first is that it's not a weird fetish thing, and the second is that it's a long story. Basically, she lost a bet."

"Ah. It all makes sense, then," the man said. "Anyway, I'm Devon. As you probably guessed, I own this company. I suppose I ought to thank all of you for saving us from those thugs."

"Speaking of which, we should probably get the fuck out of here, since those guys could wake up any minute now, and they all still have their Pokémon," Sako pointed out.

The man laughed. "That will happen as soon as I finish doing business with this fine young man right here," he said as he motioned towards Paul. "By the way, what is your name?"

"Paul Stanton," Paul said.

"More like Dead Meat!" Gaz shouted. "I'm going to fucking murder you so God damn hard! Your parents won't even be able to recognize you after I'm finished!"

"Actually, his parents won't be recognizing much of anything at all, since they're dead and buried," Sako pointed out.

"Fuck you, Sako!"

"Anyway, what would it take for me to get this device from you?" Devon asked Paul as the two Pokémon bickered in the background.

Paul shrugged. "I don't know," he admitted.

"Well, surely there must be something you want. You name it, and it's yours. It's the least I could in exchange for saving my company and giving me such a fine piece of technology. How about a rare Pokémon?" Devon offered.

Paul grinned. "Now you're speaking my language. What have you got for me?"

"I can give you my Breloom, if you'd like. We were using her to test some technical machines, so her moveset is a bit odd, but she still has the ever-important Mach Punch."

"What does she know?"

"Mach Punch, Energy Ball, Power-Up Punch, and Swords Dance."

"Sounds good to me, although there's one more thing I want."

"What would that be?"

"For every unit of anything you produce using the technology in that device I just gave you, I want five percent of the profits."

Devon laughed. "It's a deal," he said, as he offered Paul his hand. Paul accepted it, and the two shook on it. "Give me your Pokénav number, and I'll call you once the first unit rolls off of the assembly line, then we can discuss business further."

Paul exchanged numbers with the man. After that, the man reached into his pocket and handed Paul a Poké Ball.

"That's the Breloom I told you about," Devon said. "Her name's Belle. I'd tell you to treat her nice, but I don't think I have to worry about that."

"You had a Pokémon on you this whole time?" Sako asked, having ended her fight with Gaz. "Why didn't you use it to free everyone?"

"I'm not much of a trainer. Plus, Belle is a little… well, you'll see," Devon said.

"I've got a bad feeling about this, Paul," Sako warned. Paul was too busy thinking of all the money he was going to make off of the new products to care about anything she had to say. Gaz also didn't care about what she to say, since she was still too angry at Paul to care about anything else.

"Nice doing business with you, Devon," Paul said as he accepted the Poké Ball.

Devon flashed him a smile. "Any you too, Mister Stanton!" he said. "Good luck on your journey."

"Thank you," Paul said as he headed towards the elevators with his team. On their way there they passed a few police officers and their Pokémon, who paid them little mind. Once they got in the elevator and the doors closed, Gaz punched Paul in the shoulder as hard as she could.

"You fucking asshole!" she shouted.

"Okay, I deserved that," Paul said as he rubbed his shoulder.

"Damn right you did!"

"But can you honestly say that you wouldn't have done the same thing if you were in my position?" Paul asked, earning a low grumble from the Grovyle.

"Why don't you let that Breloom out?" Sako asked.

"In this elevator? Fuck no, it's crowded enough in here already, I feel like a fucking sardine packed into a tin. How about once we get back to the Pokémon Center?"

"Works for me."

* * *

Back in the Pokémon Center, everyone was trying to relax. Sako was watching TV, and Gaz was still fuming about Paul taking pictures of her. Paul had dropped his backpack on the ground next to the table and was about to let Belle out of her Poké Ball when his Pokénav started to ring.

"Hello?" he asked as he picked up the call.

"What's going on, bro? It's Greg. I'm back here and I've got the stuff you asked for. Where you at?"

Paul grinned. "Nice to hear from you. I'm at room 104 in the Rustboro Pokémon Center."

"Alright, hang on," Greg said before ending the call. Paul put his Pokénav back in his pocket and waited. A few seconds later, Greg materialized in the center of the room in his Mew form.

"What's up, my man?" he asked cheerfully.

Paul shrugged. "Not much. Just freed the Devon Corporation from a group of thugs, got a new Pokémon from a millionaire, beat the Rustboro Gym, and may have secured my financial future through a good business deal. How about you?"

Greg laughed. "Sounds like you've been busy. Where's that new Pokémon at? I'd like to meet her."

"Right here," Paul said as he held up Belle's Poké Ball.

"Well, let her out."

Paul nodded and pressed the button on the center of the Ball. It opened, and a few seconds later, a Breloom stood a few feet away from him.

"Hello, there," Paul said.

"Hiya," the Breloom said, taking him by surprise.

"Devon didn't mention that you had a translator," Paul said.

The Breloom giggled. "Oh, I don't need one. My mom taught me how to speak English when I was little. She was smart like that."

"Okay, then. That's one less thing to worry about, I suppose," Paul said. "You're Belle, correct?"

"Correctamundo!" the Fighting type said happily. "Belle's my name, and my name is Belle! I told that to Mister Devon when he caught me. He was surprised I could speak, too! Where is he, anyway?"

Paul exchanged a glance with Greg. "Well, he gave you to me," he said gently.

His trepidation proved unwarranted, as the Breloom let out another giggle. "Oh, that's okay! If Mister Devon gave me to you, then he must really, really trust you! And if he really, really trusts you, than I really, really trust you, too!"

"This is so adorable it's stupid," Sako called from her position in front of the TV.

Belle let out a gasp. "Oh, you have an Absol! I've always wanted to meet one! I've heard that they're so wise!"

"You'll be disappointed by that one, then," Gaz said.

Belle let out another gasp. "And you have a Grovyle, too! Hey, my dad was a Sceptile! That means we could be sisters!"

"No," Gaz simply stated.

"Wait, how could your dad have been a Sceptile?" Greg questioned. "Sceptile and Breloom are in two completely different egg groups. They aren't supposed to be able to breed."

"It sure beats me, but they made it work somehow!" Belle said with a giggle. "Also, wow, a Mew! I've never seen one before. What's Arceus like?"

"He's a fucking prick, I'll tell you that much," Greg stated. "Anyway, Paul, I think I might have succeeded in my quest."

"Do you mean the one where you helped out our friends, or the one where you brought me back my stuff?" Paul asked.

"Both. I won't go into the details, but I popped into the FBI headquarters, the Pentagon, and the White House, so they ought to be looking for an explanation somewhere. Just to be sure, I popped into the CIA headquarters disguised as one of their agents, and I got confirmation that they're letting our friends go. They should be in the clear now. I'm not entirely sure how that worked out, but I'm not complaining. As for your stuff, I've got this bag here filled with it," he said, motioning towards a small bag that sat on the floor beneath him.

"Thanks, Greg," Paul said before turning to Belle. "I suppose we owe you an explanation," he said to her.

"Oh, no need," Belle said. "I've got it all figured out."

"You do?" Sako asked, surprised.

Belle nodded happily. "I sure do! Paul's an interdimensional traveler brought here from a world where Pokémon don't really exist thanks to his best friend, who happens to be a Mew. And he's here mainly to dodge a government agency that would torture and imprison him for a very, very long time if caught."

"What the fuck? How did you know?"

"I actually didn't know, but thanks for confirming it for me," she said with a smile.

"You mean that you guessed all of that? Fuck, the odds of that happening are probably something like-"

"Three-billion, four-hundred and ninety-nine million, six-hundred and fifty-seven thousand, one-hundred and three to one," Belle pointed out. "But who's counting?"

"How the hell do you know all of this stuff?"

Belle shrugged. "I don't know, I just do. My mom used to say that I was special."

"She was right, but in an entirely different way than you might think," Gaz said with a smirk.

"Oh, did you just call me special?" Belle asked the other Grass type.

"No, I-"

"Well, thank you! That's just about the nicest thing anyone's said to me for a long time! Why, it makes me want to just hug you!"

"Do that and I'll-"

Gaz didn't get to finish her sentence as the energetic Grass type suddenly embraced her. For a moment, she wasn't sure how to respond. That all changed when she noticed Paul, Greg, and Sako forcing themselves to hold in their laughter.

"I'll give you three seconds, exactly three fucking seconds, to let go of me before I get mad," Gaz growled.

Belle let out a giggle. "Okay!" she said as she released the other Grass type. "All you had to do was ask."

"Gaz, I think she likes you," Paul said.

Gaz simply growled at him.

Greg let out a yawn. "Well, I'm pretty tired, so I think I'm going to head back home. It was nice seeing everyone, and it was nice to meet you, Belle," he said before teleporting out.

"And just like that, he's gone," Sako said.

"Pretty much," Paul said as he picked up the bag. "Anyway, I've got some stuff in here I think you guys might be interested in."

"Ooh, what have you got?" Belle asked excitedly.

"Well, you all remember how I said Pokémon only really exist in fiction back in my world?" Paul asked as he pulled out his DS and Pokémon Emerald cart. "I've got with me a copy of one of the pieces of fiction they exist in. You guys interested in seeing how my world sees you?"

"You fucking know it," Sako said as she tapped the power button on the remote with a claw, turning the TV off. She got up from her position next to the couch and joined Paul over near the table. Gaz didn't say anything, but she also joined Paul.

"Alright, here it is," Paul said as he switched on the game and loaded up his save file. He had left off in Lavaridge Town, and was about to fight Flannery.

"Where is this supposed to be?" Gaz asked.

"Lavaridge Town," Paul answered as his character entered the Gym.

"Well, I've never been there, but I can assure you that it doesn't look like that."

"Hold on, let me battle someone," Paul said as he walked up to one of the Gym trainers and began to battle him. His character sent out a Swampert, which earned a laugh from Gaz.

"Is that supposed to be a Swampert?" she asked. "He looks kind of fat."

"I'm more concerned with that guy's Numel," Sako said. "He looks like he's got problems."

"I don't get it," Belle said. "Why are they taking turns hitting each other?" she asked as she watched Paul battle.

Paul shrugged. "That's just how the game works, I suppose."

"Well, that's stupid," Gaz said. "No battle has ever gone like that. Do they even dodge?"

"Some moves have perfect accuracy unless something like Sand Attack has been used," Paul explained.

"That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of in my life. So you just take turns hitting each other and hope the other guy loses first?"

"Pretty much."

"Sounds boring."

"It's actually pretty compelling. Although I will say that it's nothing compared to the real thing," Paul said.

Sako laughed. "Damn right. This game sucks. Why don't you show us some of the other stuff you brought?"

"Hold on, I want to see what other Pokémon Paul has," Belle said. Paul did as she asked and brought up the screen showing his party members. Belle looked disappointed when she didn't see a Breloom among them.

"Don't worry, Belle," Paul said. "I usually use a Breloom, I just wanted to try something different this time around."

That seemed to make her feel better, as she was back to smiling not soon after.

"What else do you have?" Sako asked.

"I've got a Swampert, a Mightyena, a Manectric, a Swellow, and that's it," Paul said.

"What, no Absol?"

"I'm not at that part of the game yet."

"Why no Grovyle?" Gaz asked.

"Because you can only pick between Torchic, Mudkip, and Treecko at the start, and you can't get the other two once you pick one. I usually pick Treecko, but I wanted to try out Swampert this time," Paul said.

"You can't catch them in the wild? That's so unrealistic."

"Hey, you won't hear any complaints from me," Paul said as he shut the game off and reached for his laptop. "Anyway, since you wanted to see what wars back in my world were like, I had Greg bring me my laptop."

Gaz perked up at that. "You have my attention," she said.

"What's a war?" Belle asked.

"It's fighting, but on a large scale," Paul explained as he opened up the laptop and typed in his password. He then searched for his video folder and loaded up one of the movies he had saved.

The movie was about a Navy SEAL who was severely injured in a firefight that killed the rest of his team. Paul skipped the beginning exposition in favor of getting directly to the fighting, since he knew that everybody wanted to see that first. He skipped around until he found the scene of the four men walking through a forest, then let the movie play.

It wasn't long before fighting broke out on the screen. The sound of gunfire and explosions filled the air as the men on-air fired at their enemies. Belle took one look at the screen and turned away.

"Too much blood," she simply said.

Sako seemed somewhat disgusted by the events on-screen, yet was unable to look away. Gaz was similarly entranced.

The action on-screen intensified. The group of men all began to take rounds and get pushed back until they jumped off a cliff in order to flee from their attackers. There was a brief lull in the action, then the fighting continued.

Paul paused the movie when the men left one of their team mates behind, which snapped his Pokémon out of their trance.

"What'd you think?" he asked.

"Fuck," Sako said. "That shit didn't actually happen, did it?"

"Based on a true story," Paul said.

"Fuck," she repeated.

"That was intense," Gaz stated. "Are all human wars like that?"

"Just the ones in the modern age," Paul said. "That scene left out things like air support, artillery strikes, and mobile armor. I'd show you some more of that stuff, but it's getting kind of late."

"I'm still good to stay up," Belle said cheerfully.

"Yeah, well, I'm not. Liberating a building takes a lot out of you."

"You didn't even do anything," Sako pointed out. "Just let us keep watching for a bit longer, will you?"

"Alright, fine," Paul said as a devious thought crossed his mind. "I've got a good one for you. It's a World War Two movie, and it has one of the most intense war sequences ever put on film."

"Now I'm interested," Gaz said.

"Belle, you should probably look away."

"Okay!" the Fighting type said.

"Right, here we go," Paul said as he loaded up the next movie.

It opened with a shot of a beach with barricades scattered around it before transitioning to soldiers riding in boats. This scene wasn't to last, as the instant the boats hit the beach and dropped their ramps, the men were cut down by machine gun fire.

What followed could best be described as pure hell. Ten minutes of men being sawed in half by gunfire or blown up by explosions shown in gruesome detail. Paul watched the color drain from his Pokémon's faces, with the exception of Belle, who was humming gleefully to herself as she stared off into the opposite direction of the laptop. Paul paused the video once the men got just underneath one of the pillboxes.

"So, what'd you think?" he asked.

Both of his Pokémon looked like they were about to be sick. He let out a laugh.

"I warned you," he said.

"Oh, is the movie over?" Belle asked.

"Technically it's only just begun, but I don't think they're interested in seeing the rest," Paul said. "Which is a damn shame because it's actually a really good movie."

"M-maybe s-some d-day," Sako stammered, which got a nod from Gaz.

"Anyway, I guess now it's a good time for bed," Paul said. "Gaz, will you be taking the bed?"

The Grass gave a small shake of her head before wandering over to the couch. Paul shrugged before tossing her a blanket, which she didn't even bother to try and catch.

"How about you, Belle?" Paul asked. "You can have the bed and I can sleep on the floor, if that's what you want."

"Oh, no! You can have the bed and I'll sleep on the floor!" Belle said.

Paul thought for a bit. "How about we share it? You take one side, and I'll take the other. That way nobody has to sleep on the floor. Well, Sako can, unless she wants to lay at the foot of the bed like a dog."

"F-floor is f-fine," Sako said, clearly still shaken up.

"Okay, then I guess we've got it all figured out," Paul said as he climbed into bed. Belle did the same on his other side. "Goodnight, everyone," he said as he turned off the light and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight, Paul!" Belle said cheerfully. Nobody else said anything. Paul couldn't imagine why.


End file.
